but then hitler started this whole thing, so now i'm here.
So, I've been avoiding LJ, lately, 'cause I've been avoiding emotions, and LJ is where my emotions come for family reunions, and that's just not my cup of tea, right now.
HOWEVER. A couple of months ago, Ruth introduced me to Band of Brothers, which now is the thing that is making my world go 'round, and I apparently cannot rest until I've done a 'spam. Or, several, actually, because I have more 'caps than any one entry can hold, so, uh, warning, image-heavy. Very image heavy:
Meet Lewis Nixon.
He has eyes that are like black holes that lead straight into his soul. He also has an alcohol problem that leads straight to his liver, but that’s another story.
If Lewis Nixon had a Facebook, his interests would include Richard Winters and whiskey.
And Richard Winters.
Luckily for him, Richard Winters lists “Lewis Nixon” not just as an interest, but as his favourite book, TV show, band and hobby.
And because Dick Winters is the coolest guy in school, who everyone worships because he’s heaven, he has no vices - just a fixation with Nix’s. (This shot goes on forever, by the way. Just Winters staring at Nix’s mouth. Allow me to demonstrate with a gif I stole from someone else.)
So, basically, these are my new best friends and they love each other so much it hurts. Also, their love is often bluelit, and that shit is like crack to me.
And when we meet them, they’re hanging out in a training camp in Toccoa, where everyone wears shorts that show off their pasty white thighs, having orders barked at them by some weeb called Sobel:
Who is, that’s right, Ross from Friends. He also moves faster than any other human being I know.
His hobbies include blanking Winters whenever he salutes him.
And weebing out whenever they’re in the field.
(This weebing earns him Doc Roe’s look of Sad Disapproval.)
Anyway, he immediately gets on everyone’s bad side by razzing on Lipton. This is not okay, because Carwood Lipton is the greatest person you will ever meet and will give you the shoes off his own feet if he thinks you need them more. Or even if you just don’t fancy popping down the shops to buy your own.
Speaking of, meet Carwood Lipton, you guys!
His hobbies include always standing to attention, regardless of whether his superiors are in the room or not.
(Like, I don’t think you understand how hilarious it is when this happens, and these ‘caps don’t show it up well, so here is a gif of Lip standing perfectly still while everyone scrambles to attention.)
He also manages to stand about three feet to his own left, which is probably a reflection of his godlike beauty as a human being. But then again, Grant, who you see second from the right, there, somehow manages to disappear and reappear with a beer, so this scene has bigger fish to fry.
And Lipton’s other hobby is expressing concern about the leadership capabilities of his commanding officers, which is why we don’t see Sobel for most of the rest of the season.
But before he bitches off, there are a few great Sobel-related moments. (Including one involving Simon Pegg and a can of peaches, but I don’t have any ‘caps of that, so I’m going to leave it up to your imaginations.)
SPEAKING OF, SIMON PEGG IS IN THIS. SIMON PEGG TANGENT.
Simon Pegg! He plays Evans.
Sadly, he’s also Sobel’s bitch, and he has a kind of queasy American accent, but on the plus side, he’s tiny, squishy and adorable! And then he delivers a court-martial from Sobel to Winters, because Sobel does not know how to play nice.
And Nix reads it over Winters’ shoulder, because Nix does not know what the phrase “private correspondence” means. (Also, I get weirdly caught up in the line that is made by the combination of Winters’ stubble and ear, here. Like, I fixate on it. Now you can, too.)
And then he stares at Winters’ commanding profile, because no one ever told him not to.
And then they have this moment, which is beautiful.
So you’re all, Simon Pegg! You have let me down, so!
But then it’s okay, because he teams up with Lieutenant Meehan, and look at that face:
That is not a face that is ever going to court-martial Winters.
Don’t get too attached, though.
Because this is Band of Brothers, and that was Simon Pegg.
END SIMON PEGG TANGENT THAT WAS ALSO ABOUT THE DEEP ABIDING LOVE OF WINNIX.
But it’s okay! ‘Cause look who shows up for our final Sobel-related moment. It’s Harry!
And Harry Welsh is tiny and amazing. Tiny. And. Amazing. You’re like, Harry, how are you even allowed to be in the army? (The answer is because he is tiny and amazing and Harry.) And the first time he walked onscreen, I assumed he was already best friends with Dick and Nix. But no, because then everyone introduces themselves:
And it turns out that Harry is just AUTOMATICALLY BROS WITH EVERYONE.
He is also a gap-toothed wonder, and his smile is where unicorns come from. Let’s see that last frame once more with feeling, ‘cause I cannot even begin to tell you the number of shots I have of it.
AUTOMATICALLY. BROS. WITH. EVERYONE.
And then the three of them have a bitchfest about Sobel, before, predictably, the man walks in. And everyone does a terrible job of looking innocent. BUT ON THE PLUS SIDE. Sobel has the greatest awkward eye-contact showdown with Nix, because Nixon is largely irrelevant to everything Sobel does, and so he’s also IMPERVIOUS TO TAKING HIM SERIOUSLY.
And I love it.
So then they all go on the best train ride ever! Because the lighting is great, and everyone in the world looks good in their dress uniforms.
And Nix is all, “Going my way?” WHEN HE KNOWS PERFECTLY WELL WHO IS GOING HIS WAY, BECAUSE HE IS INTELLIGENCE OFFICER. But we all know he just wanted an excuse to whisper in Dick’s ear.
Like, I’m not joking. I think that’s his only motivation.
And then he makes alcoholic jokes:
Then Harry wakes up and immediately starts drinking, thus cementing his position as a member of the OT3, because Nix loves drinking, and Dick loves drinkers.
Also, at some point, Winters makes boyfriends with some old British guy, ‘cause he’s Dick Winters and he can do that. Usually with a single look.
But he still doesn’t look at anyone like he looks at Lewis Nixon.
Because it's their graduation! And they're all so proud of each other. Also, they shout their motto a lot:
And the first three times I heard it, I thought they were all yelling “CURRY!” and had no idea what was going on.
But I’d always get distracted by going, Popeye, are you even old enough to drink? (Grant is wondering the same thing. Popeye is twelve years old.)
AND THEN NORMANDY HAPPENS.
So, they hit the ground, (SOME OF THEM NOT IN THE MANNER THAT THEY’D HOPED. SEE ALSO, SIMON PEGG.) and everything immediately goes tits up.
Winters is separated from everyone except Private Hall:
Who immediately makes the rookie mistake of Becoming a Featured Character on an Episode of Band of Brothers.
MISTAAAAAKE.
But on the plus side - Winters reveals his secret weapon. Having, as we know, the power to reproduce through THE INTENSITY OF HIS GAZE ALONE, he has plenty of space going on in his down-low area for storing useful things, so he DEPLOYS HIS CROTCH COMPASS OF BADASSERY, in order to lead everyone to anywhere that isn’t trees.
MEANWHILE IN MAGIC LAND.
LIPTON HITS THE GROUND AND IMMEDIATELY STARTS MOTHERING PEOPLE.
And then Winters leads everyone back to civilisation and Buck is there!
Hi, Buck! Buck has the most beautiful eyes known to man. You will hear about this a lot. I also have a weird fixation with Winters’ eyes, because they change a lot. So, Buck and Winters’ eyes, I fangirl them.
But even more importantly, we meet this man:
And I cannot look at him without hearing a guitar riff in my head.
So, true to what we will later discover is Speirs’ character, the first thing he does upon arriving is steal all of Buck’s cigarettes and give them to some German prisoners…
A “picnic”, or, as Malarkey (WHO WE HAVEN’T MET, YET, BUT WILL IN MY NEXT SPAM) likes to put it, “and then Speirs guns down my new German-American friend at point-blank range”.
Because Speirs is magnificent, but he is also a batshit motherfucker.
And this impression of batshittery is further cemented, later, when he shows up, covered in bullets…
…and literally licks his lips in anticipation of being able to run through German fire to blow up a gun.
And I mean literally running through their fire - Speirs gets up out of the trenches to get to the gun, because the man is fucking bulletproof.
Meanwhile, my four favourite characters look on in astonishment.
And Lipton runs around trying to give everyone dynamite they don’t need.
THEN THE BATTLE'S OVER. AND THEY WON, I THINK. BUT HALL IS DEAD. MORE IMPORTANTLY:
LEWIS NIXON RIDES IN ON A TANK LIKE IT'S HIS FUCKING BUSINESS AND SWEEPS DICK OFF WITH HIM, AND THEY'RE ALL LIKE, BEING ON THIS TANK WITH YOU IS WHY I GOT OUT OF BED THIS MORNING.
(AND NIX USES HIS LINE AGAIN, 'CAUSE HE'S LIKE, LOL, STILL THE INTELLIGENCE OFFICER.)
But then Dick is so sad about Hall dying that he can't even feed himself, so we see a rare instance of Nix being the one doing the mothering.
AND THEN IT'S THE NEXT DAY. OR MAYBE ANOTHER DAY A BIT LATER. IT'S SOON AFTER. I DON'T REALLY KEEP TRACK OF THE TIME FRAME.
ANYWAY, MARC WARREN'S THERE, AND HE'S SIX SACKS OF CRAZY, BUT THAT'S FOR LATER ON, SO INSTEAD WE WILL TALK ABOUT HARRY!
Because I like talking about Harry.
And also because he spends most of this episode drinking YES IT'S DEFINITELY WATER from his canteen, and I'm like, no wonder you're friends with Nix.
And then he's TINY AND IN CHARGE, and I'm like, look at you, you miniature human. Because Harry looks out of place walking around a street. Harry is a Magical Forest Being.
AND THEN IT'S CARENTAN.
I really like Carentan. I don't know why - it's just one of my favourite battles. Maybe it's the random piano in the street.
HOWEVER. I WILL POST ABOUT THAT LATER, 'CAUSE THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN SITTING UNPUBLISHED FOR ALMOST THREE MONTHS, NOW, SO I'M JUST GOING TO POST IT AS IS, AND MAKE A NEW ONE LATER. DAVID OUT.