...i think...um..i dunno.
2006 is here. and sadly, just as quickly as it came it will leave just as fast if not faster. im really getting annoyed with this whole "the older you get, the faster the time goes by" im finally old enough to understand whats goin on and actually appreciate my life and it flys by so damn fast that sometimes its too hard to even see whats goin on.
so far this year has already had its ups and downs..go figure. its no surprise that it started in the same fashion ive pretty much spent the last 2 years. so im trying to get away from this and just be chill and happy...but thats proving to be a challenge.
day 1: SLEEP
days 2-3: not cool drama
day 4: tried to get over and fix drama from previous days, but as usual new things come up. maybe good, maybe not. it'd prally be A LOT better right now if the past wasnt what it was.
day 5: first day of school
days 6-current day: good days filled with A LOT of thought and speculation and worry and wanting to talk to someone, but i think im sorta over talking to anyone about the same thing.
within those days of hung out with the bestie, some new faces, and some old favorites too. this year looks like it has potential to be the best, the worst, the craziest, the saddest....and anything else thats possible. i guess thats true for any year, but yea.
i've sat and thought the past couple days A LOT. i dunno exactly what im doing, but i know i've been worrying and stressing a lot. i wish i could tell the future. i wish i knew what was good for me and what was gonna end up in a complete wreck. sometimes i wish my heart wasnt so big and that i didnt wear it on my sleeve all the time. it had a nice shattering this past year, and im hoping that this year will prove to be different. i really dont know how not to worry though, how am i not supposed to? i've been down this road and ive seem where it leads, and it wasnt pretty. how many times can a person do the same thing and expect it to turn out different?
i trust enough to keep playing, but i worry the whole time that im gonna lose.
i know whats happened in the past, but i keep hoping that this time its gonna be different.
i trust enough to give out my heart, but not enough to believe you wont break it.
i dont wanna keep being scared, i just wanna jump in with no worries and have a good time.
so all this either makes me REALLY dumb for trying this whole game out AGAIN, it makes me the luckiest girl ever for having third time be a charm and being the happiest girl ever, it could make me way too trusting, or not trusting enough. it could make me or break me. i dunno if i can handle being broken again though...i dont even wanna find out if im strong enough to go through it all over again.
whats gonna happen to me? somebody please just tell me what the hell im doing.
***started semester 2 of college...pimp ass classes. look like they're gonna be cake. watch me fail. haha. the look pretty interesting, with the exception of stats, and LIT. ok so only 2 classes look interesting, that works though.
***started work again like normal. i really do like my job. it sucks sometimes and i get really really frusterated, but i really do love the people i work with and the laughs i get outta them.
***my family is pretty freaking cool. my brother totally put me as #1 on his TOP 8 on myspace..haha, so i returned the favor. how freaking cool is that.
***my momma and poppa are totally as awesome as ever. we're definitely the cutest family ever.
***i wanna go to...somewhere, i walked away and have NO idea what i was gonna say.
***ha i remember...i wanna go to the chili cook off. we'll see what happenes.
***i wanna do a lot things. i've got a lot of figuring out to do.
every journal i write pretty much says the same thing with some extra additions. lame. its all "i dont know" i remember making a resolution about that. dangit. its a good thing i've got 356 days left.
♥
so far this year has already had its ups and downs..go figure. its no surprise that it started in the same fashion ive pretty much spent the last 2 years. so im trying to get away from this and just be chill and happy...but thats proving to be a challenge.
day 1: SLEEP
days 2-3: not cool drama
day 4: tried to get over and fix drama from previous days, but as usual new things come up. maybe good, maybe not. it'd prally be A LOT better right now if the past wasnt what it was.
day 5: first day of school
days 6-current day: good days filled with A LOT of thought and speculation and worry and wanting to talk to someone, but i think im sorta over talking to anyone about the same thing.
within those days of hung out with the bestie, some new faces, and some old favorites too. this year looks like it has potential to be the best, the worst, the craziest, the saddest....and anything else thats possible. i guess thats true for any year, but yea.
i've sat and thought the past couple days A LOT. i dunno exactly what im doing, but i know i've been worrying and stressing a lot. i wish i could tell the future. i wish i knew what was good for me and what was gonna end up in a complete wreck. sometimes i wish my heart wasnt so big and that i didnt wear it on my sleeve all the time. it had a nice shattering this past year, and im hoping that this year will prove to be different. i really dont know how not to worry though, how am i not supposed to? i've been down this road and ive seem where it leads, and it wasnt pretty. how many times can a person do the same thing and expect it to turn out different?
i trust enough to keep playing, but i worry the whole time that im gonna lose.
i know whats happened in the past, but i keep hoping that this time its gonna be different.
i trust enough to give out my heart, but not enough to believe you wont break it.
i dont wanna keep being scared, i just wanna jump in with no worries and have a good time.
so all this either makes me REALLY dumb for trying this whole game out AGAIN, it makes me the luckiest girl ever for having third time be a charm and being the happiest girl ever, it could make me way too trusting, or not trusting enough. it could make me or break me. i dunno if i can handle being broken again though...i dont even wanna find out if im strong enough to go through it all over again.
whats gonna happen to me? somebody please just tell me what the hell im doing.
***started semester 2 of college...pimp ass classes. look like they're gonna be cake. watch me fail. haha. the look pretty interesting, with the exception of stats, and LIT. ok so only 2 classes look interesting, that works though.
***started work again like normal. i really do like my job. it sucks sometimes and i get really really frusterated, but i really do love the people i work with and the laughs i get outta them.
***my family is pretty freaking cool. my brother totally put me as #1 on his TOP 8 on myspace..haha, so i returned the favor. how freaking cool is that.
***my momma and poppa are totally as awesome as ever. we're definitely the cutest family ever.
***i wanna go to...somewhere, i walked away and have NO idea what i was gonna say.
***ha i remember...i wanna go to the chili cook off. we'll see what happenes.
***i wanna do a lot things. i've got a lot of figuring out to do.
every journal i write pretty much says the same thing with some extra additions. lame. its all "i dont know" i remember making a resolution about that. dangit. its a good thing i've got 356 days left.
♥