(no subject)
i wish that i could control my emotions and who i cared about, and what i think about, and how i feel, and what i want....but a) its not that easy and it doesnt work that way, and b) most of the time i dunno what any of that is.
im a dreamer, and im all over the place and theres NEVER just black and white, night and day for me...its always "well, what about..." and "but..." i like to hope that everything is perfect and that all things will turn out happy jolly, but that gets me into trouble sorta. in the sense that i screw myself up a lot. sometimes, as bad as it seems, i wish i did work in black and white. no emotions, no grey area. just yes or no, light switch on, light switch off. and thats it. i dunno whatever...im tired of these days where i think and hope and want everything to be ok again. and as many of those days as i have, and as much as i wish and hope that things would go that way, they dont, and things arent going in the direction of any sort of progress..and that makes me sad, and it leads to more days. and blah blah circle.
i just wanna understand a lot of things. things that for the life of me i cant figure out and dont make sense. i want answers, real ones, ones that explain things, ones that clear everything up. even if they're not the answers i would wanna hear, it doesnt matter..just answers that make sense. thats what i want...more than anything right now i think: i wanna understand the past (and this is gonna sound REALLY dumb) but, i wanna understand the past, so i can live content right now, and know whats gonna happen in the future, or know whats not gonna happen in the future. im tired of everything being 'maybe' and 'who knows' and 'we'll see' kind of things...i just want things to be clear....i want life to be simple, and that i know is way too much to ask. oh well, christmas is coming up, miracles happen and wishes come true.....if anyone's trying to figure out what to get me for christmas just get me some answers and explain things to me so i can understand and move on with my life....or a ferrari, whichever is easiest.
g'nite everyone. <3
im a dreamer, and im all over the place and theres NEVER just black and white, night and day for me...its always "well, what about..." and "but..." i like to hope that everything is perfect and that all things will turn out happy jolly, but that gets me into trouble sorta. in the sense that i screw myself up a lot. sometimes, as bad as it seems, i wish i did work in black and white. no emotions, no grey area. just yes or no, light switch on, light switch off. and thats it. i dunno whatever...im tired of these days where i think and hope and want everything to be ok again. and as many of those days as i have, and as much as i wish and hope that things would go that way, they dont, and things arent going in the direction of any sort of progress..and that makes me sad, and it leads to more days. and blah blah circle.
i just wanna understand a lot of things. things that for the life of me i cant figure out and dont make sense. i want answers, real ones, ones that explain things, ones that clear everything up. even if they're not the answers i would wanna hear, it doesnt matter..just answers that make sense. thats what i want...more than anything right now i think: i wanna understand the past (and this is gonna sound REALLY dumb) but, i wanna understand the past, so i can live content right now, and know whats gonna happen in the future, or know whats not gonna happen in the future. im tired of everything being 'maybe' and 'who knows' and 'we'll see' kind of things...i just want things to be clear....i want life to be simple, and that i know is way too much to ask. oh well, christmas is coming up, miracles happen and wishes come true.....if anyone's trying to figure out what to get me for christmas just get me some answers and explain things to me so i can understand and move on with my life....or a ferrari, whichever is easiest.
g'nite everyone. <3