Lost
Right now i have this feeling of being lost. like i don't know what i'm doing or where to turn for help. or even who to ask.
the people i thought that i could depend on have proved that my faith in them was misplaced. and some of the one's that are offering their support are those that i know that i shouldn't depend on.
it seems that i'm having trouble in every aspect of my life right now. i'm so close to just giving up and throwing everything that i've been working so hard on, all the relationships that i've tried so hard to repair after my last fit of depression, my business that is finally turning a profit, my other revenue prospects that i've worked so hard to develop my skills and reputation for, i'm about to throw this all away just because it's getting to be a little to much for me to handle.
though there is cash coming in it's getting to be insignificant next to the outstanding debts i've accumulated over the past few years. i was so stupid in my youth. and now just like i was told it's come back to kick me in the ass.
and where's my girlfriend through all this? who fucking knows.. i've got very little faith in anything she's ever told me. she seems to very easily change from one day to the next. one day she'll be talking about how i'm the best thing that's happened to her.. then i won't hear from her for a couple of days and the only explaination i get is "sorry, i've been busy". then yesterday i got really upset about something and told her i was gonna lay down for a while and i'd be back in about an hour. i came back she wasn't there. and she disappeared until 10 tonight when i asked her if i could talk to her she said um well not right now. i'm busy with some friends. then she's gone again. if she's not gonna be there when i need her then what can i depend on her for.
i'm pretty much done with all this shit. and that's all i have to write.