(no subject)
i enjoy typing with blackie on my tummy. mamas busying herself in MY room with the bed sheet that i am lying on, telling me things abt how grateful i should be that shes still arnd hanging my clthes, my bra and my drenched with sweat puma jacket. shes picking up all sorts of chargers from the floor and she has just tripped over my blackies charger that connets from across the room. Thank Allah for long wired-chargers. i asnwered her with mono-syllables and she said - itu pun, kalau mama dengan ayah marah sikit, nak merajuk lama2- and i kept quiet. ayah has just sent me an emali. and she switched the tv channel to kids central, for me. before leaving the room.
anyways. yesterday was the first time i went to the gym. and yetersday will be the last time ill be there. with fafa. she was restless and tired. mybe her idea of going to the gym is - spending half an hour of the time in the changing room and spend the remaining minutes texting on the bike. i enjoyed my gym session. and i knw thtll be d next place ill frequent, after school.
and today i went jogging at the park nearby. i wanted to feel better when i have the sessions with leman, i dun want to look awkward. and most importantly i wanted to see if my tudung will cover my face as i jog. but it dint.i know for a fact i dun have the right running techniques cos i started crying because i felt useless. maybe, i was being hard on myself. but i satyed on. i walked in the park at different pace and yet. i still feel breathless. and then theres the pain in my upper leg and i have prolly used the wrong muscles. everytime i feel like dying when i jog, i keep hearing leman say - you cant stop, no matter hw tired you get. you have to slower the pace. but not stopping. ull be more tired.- but i really cldnt go on. you have no idea how demoralise it is when i saw other joggers going over the laps again and again and again. i dun need the ostrich egg on my lower leg. i just want to be able to run. tired yes. but i dun want to feel as if i am about to die each time i lift my leg.
before i leave the house, i called him and told him that i want to play in the park and he said, i shld just stay at home and wait for him. cos i need to learn to loosen the muscle and stuffs, and i said, no i just want to walk. and he said all sort of things that mama reminded me, few seconds ago.
- jangan lama- lama, kalau panas, stop. nanti ur hidung darah, dun push yourself too hard. nanti pengsan- and lotsamore
and now he has to talk me into why i shldnt feel so hard on myself. i have just started doing this, those ostrich eggs legs require lots of practice. and i told him that i dun need ostrich eggs. he was teasing at first, and when he realised that it meant a huge deal to me...he listened carefully and told me that he will see me tomorrow and teach me things that i need to knw..
im leaving for school in a while..
heavy module.
seeing leman in the evening
i love you. leman.
anyways. yesterday was the first time i went to the gym. and yetersday will be the last time ill be there. with fafa. she was restless and tired. mybe her idea of going to the gym is - spending half an hour of the time in the changing room and spend the remaining minutes texting on the bike. i enjoyed my gym session. and i knw thtll be d next place ill frequent, after school.
and today i went jogging at the park nearby. i wanted to feel better when i have the sessions with leman, i dun want to look awkward. and most importantly i wanted to see if my tudung will cover my face as i jog. but it dint.i know for a fact i dun have the right running techniques cos i started crying because i felt useless. maybe, i was being hard on myself. but i satyed on. i walked in the park at different pace and yet. i still feel breathless. and then theres the pain in my upper leg and i have prolly used the wrong muscles. everytime i feel like dying when i jog, i keep hearing leman say - you cant stop, no matter hw tired you get. you have to slower the pace. but not stopping. ull be more tired.- but i really cldnt go on. you have no idea how demoralise it is when i saw other joggers going over the laps again and again and again. i dun need the ostrich egg on my lower leg. i just want to be able to run. tired yes. but i dun want to feel as if i am about to die each time i lift my leg.
before i leave the house, i called him and told him that i want to play in the park and he said, i shld just stay at home and wait for him. cos i need to learn to loosen the muscle and stuffs, and i said, no i just want to walk. and he said all sort of things that mama reminded me, few seconds ago.
- jangan lama- lama, kalau panas, stop. nanti ur hidung darah, dun push yourself too hard. nanti pengsan- and lotsamore
and now he has to talk me into why i shldnt feel so hard on myself. i have just started doing this, those ostrich eggs legs require lots of practice. and i told him that i dun need ostrich eggs. he was teasing at first, and when he realised that it meant a huge deal to me...he listened carefully and told me that he will see me tomorrow and teach me things that i need to knw..
im leaving for school in a while..
heavy module.
seeing leman in the evening
i love you. leman.