I don't know what's wrong with me...

[satdee87]

After I was single for about a month, I started dating a guy named Andrew... Let's just say that that relationship wasn't the smartest thing in the world... Then after we broke up, I went on a couple dates with a few different people. Now, finally I have met someone. His name is Matt, and we've been together for a little over 2 months now. We live together, and apparently, he grows more, and more unhappy with me each day. He tells me how much he loves me, and that I'm his baby, but last night, he went out with a friend, and hasn't come back yet... it's not quarter after 7 in the morning, and he needs to be at work in 15 minutes... but his work stuff is still here. I don't know what to think of this situation. Is he still out with his friend? Did he get drunk, and pass out at his friend's house? Did he cheat on me? Did something happen to him? So many things to think about, and it's so close to Christmas. I have therefore lost all my holiday spirit, and I have no faith in this holiday, whatsoever. They say Christmas Miracles happen all the time.. Well, what about the people who need it most? Where's MY Christmas Miracle? If these things really did exist, then he would have been home by now. Was all the mean behavior towards me just a way to distance me, so that when he did decide to leave, I wouldn't be hurt? He's the one who made me move with him, and because of that, if he decides to leave me, I'm left with nothing. I have no money, no job, and no where to go. The hotel that we're living in, is paid through Christmas... But after that... there's no where for me to go. Oh, low and behold, I hear someone at the door... Alright.. he just came in for a MINUTE... I asked him where he went last night, and he said everywhere... then I asked where he slept, and he said in a car somewhere... He asked me what I did last night, and I said that I just went to bed, and that was really it.. and that at like 3am, I was on the phone with Jon for like an hour, and that's basically all I did.. i failed to mention that I worried about him constantly, to the point where I was having trouble falling asleep... But he left, and said he'd see me this afternoon. I have to admit, he's been happy a lot lately... I hope that doesn't mean he's been sleeping with someone... We haven't had sex in almost 2 weeks, and a week before that, he told me that the sex has gotten boring because he's into freaky stuff... I think I'm just over-analyzing it, and shouldn't worry. I'll keep you posted.

Oh, and btw.. my period is late... Merry Fucking Christmas to me...