I take a scar everytime I cry...
I need to pack my room up, I wonder what I'll do when I come to the random crap that I haven't thrown out:
an empty cigarette packet
an old lemon sherbert wrapper
a bead
whats the point in keeping them? but I don't want to throw them away. I hate that I attach such meaning to random objects.
and of course I'll have to sort all my junk out into two piles - stuff I'll be taking to America; stuff I'll be leaving at home. Takes too much thought and brain power.
I felt like shit yesterday. Today is much the same. I need to call work to see if they have shifts for me but I don't want to because I've left it so late.
In 3 hours I'm supposed to be giving a paper in that I haven't even looked at yet. I can't concentrate at all. All I can think about is America. I spent all night working on a project that has nothing to do with uni. I just don't care about it all anymore. Send me to America and get me away from it all.
So this, combined with I Will Come To You being on, led me to cry when Maree sent me the graphics she'd made for me. I thought about getting shitfaced. I seem to be leaning on alcohol again, minus actually drinking it. I just feel like I want to whenever I'm not feeling so good because I know it'll help me get it all out and then I'll feel better. It would probably also end up in me calling people and saying things that I shouldn't, so maybe its not a good idea.
Its the family Christmas meal on Friday. I'm pissed off, firstly because its at that damn carvery again. I don't like that place, plus I think Christmas meals with the family should be at someones house. Secondly because we always meet up after Christmas, and usually its even after New Year. I wanted to invite Lauren and Jos but theres no way they'll be able to come now when they'd have to be travelling home on Christmas Eve. I don't know who the fuck arranged this meal but its shit. fucking shit wank fuck.
I ate an entire selection box yesterday. I had no other food in the flat. I'm a fucking pig.
an empty cigarette packet
an old lemon sherbert wrapper
a bead
whats the point in keeping them? but I don't want to throw them away. I hate that I attach such meaning to random objects.
and of course I'll have to sort all my junk out into two piles - stuff I'll be taking to America; stuff I'll be leaving at home. Takes too much thought and brain power.
I felt like shit yesterday. Today is much the same. I need to call work to see if they have shifts for me but I don't want to because I've left it so late.
In 3 hours I'm supposed to be giving a paper in that I haven't even looked at yet. I can't concentrate at all. All I can think about is America. I spent all night working on a project that has nothing to do with uni. I just don't care about it all anymore. Send me to America and get me away from it all.
So this, combined with I Will Come To You being on, led me to cry when Maree sent me the graphics she'd made for me. I thought about getting shitfaced. I seem to be leaning on alcohol again, minus actually drinking it. I just feel like I want to whenever I'm not feeling so good because I know it'll help me get it all out and then I'll feel better. It would probably also end up in me calling people and saying things that I shouldn't, so maybe its not a good idea.
Its the family Christmas meal on Friday. I'm pissed off, firstly because its at that damn carvery again. I don't like that place, plus I think Christmas meals with the family should be at someones house. Secondly because we always meet up after Christmas, and usually its even after New Year. I wanted to invite Lauren and Jos but theres no way they'll be able to come now when they'd have to be travelling home on Christmas Eve. I don't know who the fuck arranged this meal but its shit. fucking shit wank fuck.
I ate an entire selection box yesterday. I had no other food in the flat. I'm a fucking pig.