The Stuff.
I've recently had to make the decision to once again tell some of my closest friends that I can't be around the whole drug thing that everyone I know seems to be going through right now and if they continue then it's going to largly affect how much time I spend around them.
People seem to actually be taking heed to it, actually, and it's making me feel quite proud.
I just explained that I couldn;t do it anymore, couldn;'t be around it. I mean, I've made that decision far too long ago to start going down that same shit paved road again, and that's where I, regretably saw myself going.
Once again, you were right.
I'm feeling good now though, about all of this. People were mad at first beucase apparently they thought I was 'mad' at them, but now I think everything's smoothed out adn we all understand one another now. They'll still all go and make their own decisions of course, but at least I get the feeling now they understand where I'm coming from and respect my right to protect myself from that same bullshit self harm. .
And y'know, i keep on having dreams where I'm either dead or about to die, so I've actually started to cut waaay back on smoking (still not where I want to be with it though), and the drinking is being kept at bay a bit by the fact that the stomach just simply can't handle it.
Anyway, that's where I'm currently sitting on that issue.
It's been a good day. I've felt alone a ton today, even though I wasn't.
However,
I layed in the sun and got some stupid fucking tan line, which I'm okay with, because it was worth it.
For some reason, this weekend has been the longest 3 days of my life.
I don't think I've ever manage to injure myself so much in 3 days either, or smiled so much all year.
Last night I went to Lust house and had a grand old time chilling with the boys and partying. Then fucking Justin asked me punch him in the forehead and obviously I just wouldn't be me if I said no, so I took off my rings and fucking smashed him in the head. We both totally weren't expecting it to be that bad, but he keeled over in pain after and now he has a huge mile wide lump on his forehead. Not only is his head all fucked, my hand is fucking gibbled and If I'm still not able to move the left side of it in a day or two I'll have to go get it checked out. Oh great, yet another reason to go wait 9 years to see bloody doctors.
4 20 was really nice. Like, just nice. It was what I've been waiting for, what I imagined the first day of summer to be like. Despite the fact I don't smoke weed and celebrate the whole 4 20 pieces of shit thing, it's always been the marker for when my summer starts. Last year was a dissapointment when the weather decided to cop out and not many people came out. The year before, fucking incredible weather and company, except for I was just coming out of my stoner phase and all day I just wanted to pass out hoping my depression would go away.
Everyone was having a really great time in the sun and were pleased I decided to bring my speakers to chill out to. Things kinda got a little stupid when the circle just comepletely fled to go get liquor and it was getting too over crowded with gothalicious kids. Everyone came back though and we relocated to the center, where I was happy again.
Thursday...well, I fucked up my ankle badly that night. And Natalie and I had to walk from close to Matt's place to mine at 2 am. It was shite because we were both quite inebriated and I couldn't walk with my ankle business.
It was a good night though as well. I met some really awesome people, and Natalie spray painted "Ghetto" on the back of a school bus, and "Sarah Not War" on a wall.
And, I got to come home with someone.
I've been so lonely lately. I don't really know why, but it's making me question a lot of things.
I want to come home with someone and feel that someone's there on the otherside of the bed. And It was good, even if it was with Natalie (who still moans like a motherfucker when she sleeps.)
blarg I'll just blame my lonelyness on the weather and call it a day.
anyway, the fun part..
pictures?
GOD! I have to get up early and have a fucking barium swallower done at Vic General at 8:15 in the morning. GOD!
People seem to actually be taking heed to it, actually, and it's making me feel quite proud.
I just explained that I couldn;t do it anymore, couldn;'t be around it. I mean, I've made that decision far too long ago to start going down that same shit paved road again, and that's where I, regretably saw myself going.
Once again, you were right.
I'm feeling good now though, about all of this. People were mad at first beucase apparently they thought I was 'mad' at them, but now I think everything's smoothed out adn we all understand one another now. They'll still all go and make their own decisions of course, but at least I get the feeling now they understand where I'm coming from and respect my right to protect myself from that same bullshit self harm. .
And y'know, i keep on having dreams where I'm either dead or about to die, so I've actually started to cut waaay back on smoking (still not where I want to be with it though), and the drinking is being kept at bay a bit by the fact that the stomach just simply can't handle it.
Anyway, that's where I'm currently sitting on that issue.
It's been a good day. I've felt alone a ton today, even though I wasn't.
However,
I layed in the sun and got some stupid fucking tan line, which I'm okay with, because it was worth it.
For some reason, this weekend has been the longest 3 days of my life.
I don't think I've ever manage to injure myself so much in 3 days either, or smiled so much all year.
Last night I went to Lust house and had a grand old time chilling with the boys and partying. Then fucking Justin asked me punch him in the forehead and obviously I just wouldn't be me if I said no, so I took off my rings and fucking smashed him in the head. We both totally weren't expecting it to be that bad, but he keeled over in pain after and now he has a huge mile wide lump on his forehead. Not only is his head all fucked, my hand is fucking gibbled and If I'm still not able to move the left side of it in a day or two I'll have to go get it checked out. Oh great, yet another reason to go wait 9 years to see bloody doctors.
4 20 was really nice. Like, just nice. It was what I've been waiting for, what I imagined the first day of summer to be like. Despite the fact I don't smoke weed and celebrate the whole 4 20 pieces of shit thing, it's always been the marker for when my summer starts. Last year was a dissapointment when the weather decided to cop out and not many people came out. The year before, fucking incredible weather and company, except for I was just coming out of my stoner phase and all day I just wanted to pass out hoping my depression would go away.
Everyone was having a really great time in the sun and were pleased I decided to bring my speakers to chill out to. Things kinda got a little stupid when the circle just comepletely fled to go get liquor and it was getting too over crowded with gothalicious kids. Everyone came back though and we relocated to the center, where I was happy again.
Thursday...well, I fucked up my ankle badly that night. And Natalie and I had to walk from close to Matt's place to mine at 2 am. It was shite because we were both quite inebriated and I couldn't walk with my ankle business.
It was a good night though as well. I met some really awesome people, and Natalie spray painted "Ghetto" on the back of a school bus, and "Sarah Not War" on a wall.
And, I got to come home with someone.
I've been so lonely lately. I don't really know why, but it's making me question a lot of things.
I want to come home with someone and feel that someone's there on the otherside of the bed. And It was good, even if it was with Natalie (who still moans like a motherfucker when she sleeps.)
blarg I'll just blame my lonelyness on the weather and call it a day.
anyway, the fun part..
pictures?
GOD! I have to get up early and have a fucking barium swallower done at Vic General at 8:15 in the morning. GOD!