(no subject)
So I thought yesterday was going to be just a great day. I didnt have to work, I was going to accomplish a few things, and I was going to hang out with my best friend and go to a concert. What could be better? When you add drinking and drugs into the equation everything always gets messed up. I mean, it wasnt me or my friend that were taking the drugs, it was other people. We plannedon drinking tho. The boys just acted to different ondrugs, like distant. I mean Kyle asked if i could bring another friend for Trevor because it was me and him and Britt and Corey. Ok, but then you barely say two words to me the whole night, and then you leave to go home and dont even come party with us, and you dont really say goodbye at all. I mean Ithought he wanted to hang out with me. So was he acting like that just because he took shrooms, or because he just didnt feel an attraction to me anymore? And then of course Britt and I got into a fight. I was supossed to have fun this time because i never do. I always have to betheresponsible one and look out for everyone and make sure everything is running smoothly and get people out of trouble if they're sad or watever. Well not last night. I wanted it to be my night. I wanted for once in my life to just let go and have a great time. Well once again I couldnt. I drank a little bit because we were supossed to stay in Flint. I didnt want to drive home. I didnt feel comfortable doing it. But Britt was gettin mad at me and she wanted to go home. I didnt want my friend to be mad at me. I just didnt want that. So i drove even tho i didnt want to. I mean wemade it home ok, but it was just, i didnt want to leave. I wanted to have fun. I wanted it to be my night. I didnt want to be responsible. I just wanted to let go and not have a care in the world. But no, i guess thatll never happen. So we drove back to Ortonville where corey lived. On the way home she tried to say one thing to me and I just couldnt talk to her. I was so mad and irritated and just upset that i knew anything that came out of my mouth would be mean. I layed on the trampoline and looke dat the starts for a little bit, but by this time itwas almost 7 so there wasnt that many stars out anymore. A cpuple tears rolled down my cheek as i sat tehre lookin at the stars. I couldnt believe that me and my best friend were fightin, again. The only person that i really hung out with was extremely pissed at me. I knew i shoulda just stayed home. Maybe its better not to have friends, because then you never have to worry about disappointing anyone. Anywazs, Corey and her layed down in his room but by this time i just wanted to go home. Be by myself and just think about how the night def didnt go as planned. So we left, with her even more mad now then before and we drove home. She fell asleep and i was extremely tired so i missed the exit and had to take the long way home. I didnt have barely any gas but i was hopin wed make it home without me havin to stop. Well, i just barely made it into my complex. I rolled into the driveway and creeped into the parking place. Mind you its like to buildings down from mine. And i went to bed. I didnt sleep long. My thouhgs kept waking me up. I prob only got like 5 hours of sleep. I called into work. i know i shouldnt have, but i felt like i had to. If i get fired i deserve to. But i really hope i dont. I love my job.
And we met these girls out in Flint. They were pretty much gorgeous. They were dressed a little slutty and acted slutty, but they could,because their bodies fit it. No wonder Kyle didnt like me. I was two ton tessie compared to those girls. I was like the ugly duckling. Of course he's not going to take a second glance at me. I have the better personality, but personality never wins over body. Never. iduno maybe im just not cut out for this whole dating thing. Maybe noone will ever like me. But hell, if i was a guy i wouldnt like me either. O well, ill get over everything that happened last night. It always turns out like this. And i always get over it. You learn to eventually. I cant believe i actually expected different this time. i got my hopes out, and they were destroyed. But its not the first time and i know it wontbe the last. Just keep my head up. One day things will change and ill look back on this and laugh. Things will get better. They have to.
And we met these girls out in Flint. They were pretty much gorgeous. They were dressed a little slutty and acted slutty, but they could,because their bodies fit it. No wonder Kyle didnt like me. I was two ton tessie compared to those girls. I was like the ugly duckling. Of course he's not going to take a second glance at me. I have the better personality, but personality never wins over body. Never. iduno maybe im just not cut out for this whole dating thing. Maybe noone will ever like me. But hell, if i was a guy i wouldnt like me either. O well, ill get over everything that happened last night. It always turns out like this. And i always get over it. You learn to eventually. I cant believe i actually expected different this time. i got my hopes out, and they were destroyed. But its not the first time and i know it wontbe the last. Just keep my head up. One day things will change and ill look back on this and laugh. Things will get better. They have to.