"This time, I know it's gonna be for real."

[satankitty]

Choose, you push. Choose, and I am pulled. Choose, they all shout into the night, screaming the deepest desires of their unholy hearts. The undesirables. When a partner comes along, how do you say no? How do you tell them there is someone important....they usually know. But you want them too. But does it matter? Choose, you all shout, you heartless and cold wretches of my soul. Choose? I could no sooner choose a color to see in for the rest of my life. Do I make one choice, and damn myself to my own misery, or make another and damn him to his? Choose, you say, but what you don't realize is that you are asking me to choose between the past, the present, and the future. Which is more important? Do you think this is easy for me? It isn't.

So. What is more important? Throw the past away? Ignore the here and now? Screw up the future? What would you have me do? No. I know what you would have me do. You will keep me here, miserably in love with you. Happily miserable. Going crazy.

Maybe not.

You could let me go. Let me fuck up my present. Let me go. Leave me without you. Find someone else. You could, I say. But you say no. So that leaves...

The future. What does it hold in store for me? For you? For him? For us?

All I want is to be worshipped by many. A goddess. Is that so much to ask?

There is always the alternative. Maybe it is time for me to be alone.