Where the Hedgehog is Hiding
CARL: Ok, so it's going to be one of THOSE days. Well, I know what to do about that. [removes pants]
CARL: You think you're a real goddamn tough guy. You're the day, and I'm a flea on your back. ISN'T THAT IT!? [shakes fist, spitting with anger]
CARL: I could have lived during some other day. I didn't sign up for this, man.
TUESDAY: [stares blankly]
CARL: I didn't sign up for this AT ALL, MAN! I signed up for that. [points to softball sign-up sheet]
CARL: [beat] So what about that, man? [moves eyes around, listening] You think I have what it takes?
CARL: YOU THINK I HAVE WHAT IT-WHAT IT TAKES?!?!
CARL: Goddamn. You can't control me. I was-WHAT WAS THAT?! [turns around fast]
CARL: Oh! I thought I was alone. I thought I didn't have anyone near me. But you're here.
TUESDAY: [stares, mouth starts to open slow]
CARL: Is that it? Is that all that happens? What about the commotion?
CARL: My hams ache with longing. I guess you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? It's been a long time since we made love, Theodore Irwin Tuesday. Let's change that today.
CARL: Let's... [pouts, drinks from a bottle] Who am I kidding. Let's change it tomorrow.
[walks toward the wall as the lights go down]
CARL: [beat] Where the hell is the goddamn door?!