An unknown feeling
How is it, that from a simple argument, a myriad of unknown feelings and revelations can be found. Everyone who knows me, knows I am not close to my family, all except a small percentage, namely 3 members. These have alwaysbeen my safety net. Whenever I felt alone, low, upset, scared and any other natural emotion, I could always turn to them for a chat to sort myself out. For the first time since I have been living in Chesterfield, I really could have done with them being 'just around the corner' as I didnt know which way was up. This had been brought on by me being both physically and mentally exhausted due to food poisoning, which has caused me to not be able to eat anything at all since sunday night (3 flipping days and counting). Though as trivial as the cause for my 'wobble' was, a simple argument, it still made me realise just how much I am apart from my closest family - my sanity, and alone. Although I have some amazingly wonderful friends over here, there is a part of me that couldnt turn to them as they are Hughs family. and seeing as it was Hugh that set me off crying tonight, as silly as it seems, I felt I couldnt turn to them. I think this is because all my life, if I have made friends with my partners family and friends, when something like this has happened and I have turned to them, it has all been thrown straight back at me. I am by no means at all saying that is what would have happened tonight, as they are not like that, but that same old fear literally choked me. From a simple text message asking if I was ok, helped me to get things out enough for me to cope, and to not let Hugh see how upset I was, (as i know that would have upset him as much as I was hurting), and even though he caused it, just the thought of me upsetting him like that, well I dont think I could forgive myself to be truthful..
Now your probably reading this, thinking, what a dozy mare she is, that such a little thing could cause so much pain and crying, well the answer is simple - we all have days like this, no matter who we are. I guess all we have to do is remember one thing, and one thing only "we're not made of paper" as said by some very wise people.
Now your probably reading this, thinking, what a dozy mare she is, that such a little thing could cause so much pain and crying, well the answer is simple - we all have days like this, no matter who we are. I guess all we have to do is remember one thing, and one thing only "we're not made of paper" as said by some very wise people.