I need to go on another rant
She irritates me so freaking much. She's irrational and inconsiderate. She claims that she's "Americanized," but honestly she's far from it. I swear if my dad wasn't paying for the wedding, I'd think twice about inviting her.
I guess this needs a little backstory, so here goes:
I told my mother today that she can't invite her whole family to my wedding because with all of the people they want to invite, they take up 40 of the 100 seats we have. That's 100 including the wedding party, by the way, so it's closer to 40 of 85 guests or something close to that. To me, I'd rather have my friends and those who are practically family to me over the strangers that make up her family. I said this to her and her retort was, "That's why you invite them so you can get to know them."
I'm sorry, but I don't know them and am not about to invite them to my wedding to get to know them. They've done nothing for me over the years. I've met most of them only once and I was too young to even remember. Some I probably haven't even met at all. She claims it's disrespectful and they would get butthurt if they don't get invited. Well, welcome to the 21st century...not to mention a time when the economy is bad. People--especially so called "family"--should understand that maybe we don't have the money for them to be able to come.
She's so...ugh! I'm seriously about ready to write her a nasty letter. After I sought therapy following my most recent rant, I thought that it could get better for a while...but with my last session, we figured out that it wasn't because I hadn't forgiven her for letting my dad (who was then abusive and a drunk) back into our lives, she's just one of those morons in the world that I wish natural selection would have killed off. Everything she says, every stupid question she asks just rubs me the wrong way.
Back to the relationship with my mother vs. my dad...Another reason why I've somehow come to love him more or get along with him more: Right after I told her she couldn't invite her whole family, my dad volunteers to not invite his. That's partially because they haven't gotten along in ages and whatnot, but still. He just knows exactly what to do on some days. Granted, his definition of family is skewed, but I guess so is mine.
Le sigh...is it wrong to want to cut ties with my mother right now? Write her a letter unleashing everything I've ever held onto all these years? My therapist wanted me to do that, but she wanted it to be heartfelt and all that...but now, all I want to do is stop the pathetic mess that is our relationship. I don't want to feel guilty and disgusted when she says goodnight to me and kisses the top of my head. I don't want other people to tell me I have such a good mother when I feel she's far from it.
I'm just SO ready to get married to Josh so that I can get out of this hellhole and escape the strangling grasp of someone I so much despise.