And use the money to buy a gun...and shoot some kids....<-------this kid...lets play god...
Sorry, I haven't updated my livejournal in a while, but lately things have been really weird for me, and I have been desperately trying to enjoy life...which is hard. I haven't the time for complaining...I'm doing alot better then I was...I find that when I am with friends it is easier to forget my problems and focus on the better things in life. Music also helps...it calms me down, sedates me like drugs. When I am not with people, I am listening to music. ALWAYS. I sleep with my headphones on now, and it makes me feel alot better. If I think about the music, I dont think about all the bad things, I dont think about saving the world, I dont think about sleep without dreams, I just focus on the music, the beat, the rythem, and all seems good.
But I have now a problem...I left my headphones in Vancouver. Without music I have to think. And it hurts.
I have realized from my room that when I listen hard I can hear the tic of the wall clock in the living room. It bangs and rattles in my head and keeps me awake at night. It drives me insane. Every little tic marks a second that I have wasted just sitting and listening and wishing that I wasn't here or that I had ever been born and brought into existance.
I try to drown that out, focus on something else... I can now even hear my brothers breath in his room. I focus on that, and try to determine if he is awake or alseep. It is weird hearing someone so far away breathing, and I wonder why I can hear it, I never could before
I hope that there is no afterlife. The capability of thinking only brings me problems. My senses pose as threats, they cause feelings and emotions, things I dont want. And lately my senses have been hightened. And I dont know why. I have a craving for sleep without dreams, which is something I pray most of my eternity will be.
Lunch time.
Maybe I will write more later...there is alot I would like to vent, alot I need to say before I go.
Love.
You-know-who.
But I have now a problem...I left my headphones in Vancouver. Without music I have to think. And it hurts.
I have realized from my room that when I listen hard I can hear the tic of the wall clock in the living room. It bangs and rattles in my head and keeps me awake at night. It drives me insane. Every little tic marks a second that I have wasted just sitting and listening and wishing that I wasn't here or that I had ever been born and brought into existance.
I try to drown that out, focus on something else... I can now even hear my brothers breath in his room. I focus on that, and try to determine if he is awake or alseep. It is weird hearing someone so far away breathing, and I wonder why I can hear it, I never could before
I hope that there is no afterlife. The capability of thinking only brings me problems. My senses pose as threats, they cause feelings and emotions, things I dont want. And lately my senses have been hightened. And I dont know why. I have a craving for sleep without dreams, which is something I pray most of my eternity will be.
Lunch time.
Maybe I will write more later...there is alot I would like to vent, alot I need to say before I go.
Love.
You-know-who.