Fic: Do the Hustle
This fic starts from about the middle of Day 3 of Torchwood: Children of Earth and is AU after that. It was inspired by the laughably silly scenes where 1) Gwen decides to coach her colleagues -- one a former shoplifter and the other a former interplanetary con-man -- on how to profit from crime and 2) they carry out their thefts in the most ridiculous ways possible -- clattering away in full sight of the victims, walking away with the stolen goods in FRONT of the mark, etc.(also, the chaps that Gwen targeted seemed to be mostly Asian men)
Anyway, that's what inspired this fic, but then it became a little darker. Everyone lives, mind you, but nobody comes out of this looking very good.
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Gwen leaned back against the wall of her prison cell and sighed. Who'd have thought that Asian man would be so quick to spot her stealing his laptop? Her Dad was a long-time member of the BNP and had always maintained that Asian immigrants were foolish, lazy scroungers. And she had been so careful too, walking away sexily in his line of vision, so that he would transfixed by her great figure and not notice that she had his laptop. After all, Mum's friends always said that Indian and Pakistani men would leer at white girls all the time! Too bad it didn't seem to work in this case and the chap managed to get the police over in a jiffy. And Rhys and Ianto didn't even stay to try and get her out of the police's clutches, damn them! But they must be thinking of some way to get her out of jail. Especially Jack -- he wouldn't be happy, would he, if he knew that she was languishing in a holding cell? Jack cared for her, and she was sure he would burst in and rescue her. All she had to do was wait.
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Agent Johnson was very pleased at the turn of events. What a stroke of luck, Gwen Cooper had decided to target a member of the Secret Service in order to steal a laptop! Deepak Mehta had said in his report that his suspicions were first awakened when he saw the extremely fake brawl between the two Welshmen on the pavement. It looked so staged that he immediately realised there was something fishy. Then he sensed someone walking past him and into his line of view. A woman wearing tight jeans and swinging her hips rather unnecessarily, but most importantly, holding HIS laptop case in her hand. He knew it was his because he had put a special mark on the case in order to recognise it anywhere. You could never be too careful with confidential information. That was when he alerted the special branch of the police. It was a pity the two brawling men had escaped, but at least they had the woman. She must not be a very important person in her spy organisation or terrorist cell, considering how inept she was at stealing, but surely she would be able to tell them something.
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Rhys felt a great wave of calm and relief wash over him. He smiled at Ruth sitting next to him on the plane seat, and squeezed her hand. Finally, the nightmare of his life with Gwen was over. Lord knows he had tried lots of times to break off with Gwen before, but he was too weak to resist her manipulation and emotional blackmail. Any hint of him wanting to end it and Gwen would start screeching about how she loved him and how he was the most important thing in the world to her. That was how he had been browbeaten into going through with the wedding, despite the Nostrovites and all. Funnily enough, it was after the wedding that he and Ruth had admitted their feelings for each other.
Good, strong, dependable Ruth. She practically ran Harwood's Haulage by herself, seeing as Rhys was always having to taxi Gwen around. And she had waited patiently for him, putting away money in a secret bank account for the day when they would be able to get away together. When this business started, with the Hub exploding and Gwen hustling Rhys out of Cardiff and into London, Rhys had continued to keep in touch with Ruth through the pay-as-you-go mobile phone that he had kept for just this purpose. He knew this was their chance -- he had to make his move soon.
Therefore he was happy to go along with Gwen's 'expert tips' on stealing wallets and laptops. He knew her advice was rubbish, but he was careful to just let her get caught and escape himself. Then he contacted Ruth, who came over to London with computers and supplies for Ianto and Jack. He said goodbye to the two other blokes and now was flying off to Brazil with Ruth to make a fresh start.
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Ianto had seen right away that Gwen's 'tips' on profiting from crime were useless, but for some odd reason Rhys had been very insistent on complying. And Jack, well Jack seemed a bit off, to be honest, after being buried in cement and then thrown down a quarry. So they had done as Gwen advised, and it had ended with Gwen getting arrested. He had been savvy enough to leg it when he saw the police coming for Gwen. One shoplifting conviction in his life was enough, thank you. Anyway, things turned out well enough. Rhys's employee had helped them out with supplies and now that Rhys had left and Gwen was locked up, it would be easier for him and Jack to manoeuvre their way around the Government and the aliens.
Because he had a secret weapon. Ianto had used the laptops supplied by Ruth to tap into the Hub's Mainframe and pull up certain incriminating CCTV camera footage of Prime Minister Greene. For you see, the PM, who was a widower with grown-up children, was fond of frequenting public toilets and having sex with strange men. This had given them enough leverage to get a private audience with the PM and obtain a full account of the situation with the 456. It was then that Ianto learnt about Jack's previous involvement and the 'gift' of 12 children in 1965. And he also learnt about Jack's daughter and grandson.
Ianto walked into Floor 13 of Thames House with Jack. He had a discussion with the alien ambassador in the tank. It turned out that the 456 wanted the children because children produced some chemicals that the aliens were addicted to. Ianto also found out that mathematics was not the strong point of the 456. He took down numbers -- how many aliens lived on their home planet, how many fixes they needed, at what intervals, how much of the chemicals was needed in a fix, how much an individual child produced, etc. Then he made his calculations. Twelve children had been enough to sustain the 456 for over four decades, so even allowing for increased demand in their society, he reckoned that it would be enough to provide one new child a year to keep up the drug supply. They certainly did not need millions of children.
PM Greene and his ministers were delighted at the news. They sealed the deal with the 456 and set about issuing statements to calm the public. Finding one child a year was no problem at all -- there was always some unfortunate waif they could use; the public need not know about it and certainly would never notice. Jack was disturbed by the idea but Ianto told him to shut up unless he wanted his grandson Stephen to be that one child. Actually Ianto was not convinced that having Jack around was a good idea -- he was too volatile and could spoil the whole arrangement. He found that the PM and certain key people in the government agreed with him. So Ianto made a secret pact with the 456 to transport Jack away in one of their little glass tanks. He persuaded the 456 that Jack's 51st century pheromones would be a terrific new recreational drug and since Jack was immortal, he would produce them for eternity. That was how Jack became the Face of Boe when the Doctor saw him millions of years later.
With Jack being away, Alice no longer got her monthly allowance from him. The alimony payments from her ex-husband were not enough to keep her in her nice, middle-class house and Stephen in his exclusive school, so Alice had to go out to work, just like everyone else. A helpful woman named Lois Habiba was able to find her a temp job.
During his talks with Ianto the PM had looked into his blue eyes and realised that he didn't want to go looking for anonymous sex in public toilets anymore. Ianto agreed -- why take risks when they could have a much better, mutually satisfactory arrangement? So Ianto got a posh little flat in London, with a smart sports car and a generous allowance for buying tailored suits. Everyone remarked how happy and content Prime Minister Greene seemed to be nowadays. Ianto bided his time. When things had cooled down enough, he would build up Torchwood again, and this time he would run the show.