Fic: Talk to Me
Title: Talk to Me
Characters: Torchwood team
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Word count: approx. 4000
Theme: Light angst, optimism, implicit m/m sex
Summary: Just after the events of 'Greek Bearing Gifts' in Series 1, Jack and Ianto have a conversation that leads to something more.
Author's Notes: This fic is inspired by a line in the Captain's Blog that mentions Jack's plan to have a chat with Ianto to gauge his emotional state. It is set immediately after 'Greeks Bearing Gifts'.
Ianto came up to the bench in the Plass where Jack and Toshiko were sitting. Jack stood up and patted Tosh's shoulder.
"Alright Toshiko, Ianto and I have work to do now. I'll see you next week."
Tosh smiled and took a deep breath, seeming to will herself into a cheerier mood. Then she rose and turned back towards the Hub.
As they were walking away, Ianto asked Jack, "Is Tosh off until next week?"
"Yes, I gave her a few days off to visit her family, to take a break."
Ianto nodded. They walked on in silence towards the pub on the other side of the Plass. It was a new, trendy place with a young clientele. They took their seats at a corner table and looked at the drinks menu.
"What exactly are we supposed to be looking for here? You said something about a Hoix sighting -- " Ianto whispered, glancing around him.
Jack looked sheepish. "Erm, well actually, this isn't work-related. I just wanted to have a word with you away from the Hub. Is that -- is that okay?"
Ianto just stared at him in reply.
"I'll get the drinks. The usual, yeah?" Jack said brightly and sped to the bar.
Ianto was still staring when Jack came back with two pints.
"You never drink." He said almost accusingly, eyeing the glass in Jack's hand.
"I'll have just this one pint." Jack said. "I've been told that people feel awkward being with me in a pub when I'm only drinking water."
They drank in silence for the next few minutes.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" Ianto asked, at length.
"How are you, Ianto?" Jack asked, watching him closely. Ianto opened his mouth to answer but Jack cut him off.
"No, don't say 'fine' and expect me to drop the subject. I really want to know how you are. You're still walking stiffly so you must not have recovered completely from our little camping trip in the Brecon Beacons."
"To be honest, I feel like shit." Ianto muttered and toyed with his glass.
Jack waited for a second and pressed on, "Are you still hurting?"
Ianto smiled ruefully. "From what?"
"Well, our trip to the countryside, and other -- things." Jack faltered. He took a big gulp of water. This never got easier, trying to play therapist.
Ianto bowed his head and took a deep breath. He remained so for a second, then he reached for his glass and took a sip.
Jack continued, "I mean, if you are still in pain, you should go to Owen and ---"
"Owen can't help me." Ianto's voice was gravelly, the way it became when he was emotional. "Do we have to talk about this?"
"If you don't want to, we won't." Jack was careful not to push.
"Well, I really don't want to." Ianto muttered angrily.
They sat together in awkward silence for a second. Jack felt bad for having pushed Ianto. After all, Ianto had been through a lot and it was silly to think that he would suddenly open up to Jack of all people. He started to apologise when they heard a yell.
"Come on Dragons!" They both turned around and saw one of the punters shouting at the TV screen. The Dragons were trailing behind the Ospreys.
"Come on, you can't lose to those wankers!" the man shouted and looked around for support from the other clientele.
Ianto smiled and raised his glass in agreement. "Yeah, that would be a shame."
"What's your team?" Jack asked, grabbing the chance to change the topic.
"None, to be honest. I just never really identified with any particular team." Ianto drained his glass and stood up. "My turn to get the drinks. Water?"
"No, no. It's my treat." Jack put his hand on Ianto's forearm without thinking. But Ianto did not flinch, he smiled slightly and sat down again.
Jack came back with their drinks. "Funny how team sports are popular on so many different planets. Did I tell you about this sport played by the Kushanas where they use a small asteroid as the ball and ...."
Ianto cut him off with a chuckle. "Enough of your stories. Tell me, why did you make up an excuse to bring me here? You could have just asked me to come."
Jack shrugged. "I didn't know if you'd want to go out with me."
"'Go out with you'? You make it sound like a date."
"Do you want to do that?" Jack asked, only half-joking.
"I don't know what I want." Ianto said quietly, looking down at his pint glass.
They were silent for a few seconds. Jack tried to think of something to say. He really did not want to talk about anything Torchwood-related, but he didn't know what kind of other interests Ianto had. After the Cyberwoman had been destroyed, Ianto had clammed up. Jack had given him the choice to be retconned and leave Torchwood, but Ianto had just muttered about it being his duty to remain with Torchwood, and he had stayed. After their ill-fated trip to the countryside, Jack had made sure that Ianto received proper medical care, but Ianto had not volunteered any information beyond answering his and Owen's questions about his health. So what could he and Ianto talk about?
They used to exchange banter so easily in the 'old days' before the discovery of Ianto's secret in the basement. Used to flirt, too. Okay, now Jack knew the reason for that, but still, there were times when he could have sworn that Ianto was genuinely attracted to him. Jack had never hidden the fact that he found Ianto attractive, but there were few prospects in that department now.
Jack was still racking his brains when he noticed Ianto glancing at him and biting his lip, trying not to smile.
"What?" He cocked an eyebrow.
Ianto chuckled and said, "I was wishing I had Tosh's pendant to find out what you were thinking."
"Well, that was an interesting day we had, wasn't it?" Jack smiled. If there was nothing else to talk about, then he'd have to talk about Torchwood, damn it.
"I never thought that Tosh would fall prey to an alien's wiles." He continued, waiting for Ianto's opinion.
"Then you don't know anything about Tosh, or about any of us, actually." Ianto said quietly, surprising both Jack and himself. "Sorry, don't know why we're talking about this, anyway." He apologised. "I'll get the next round." He started to get up, but was detained by Jack's hand on his arm.
"Tell me then, about Tosh, about yourself."
"Jack, I really don't think we should ... "
"Please, Ianto! How will I ever know anything about you if you don't tell me? Remember when you said I never asked you anything about yourself? Well, I'm asking you now. Talk to me, please."
"Alright, alright. You can let go of my hands now, people are staring at us." Ianto murmurred. Jack realised he was now holding both of Ianto's hands in his own. He let go reluctantly. Ianto leaned back in his chair and sighed.
"What do you want to know about me and the others?"
"What happened in the Hub today -- you implied that it wasn't unthinkable for Tosh to be hoodwinked by an alien. Care to elaborate?"
Ianto took a deep breath. He took a gulp from his glass and sighed again. Jack waited. At length, Ianto began.
"I don't think you know how hard Tosh works for Torchwood."
"Hey, I know that perfectly well. I'm your leader, remember?"
"Yes, but do you make sure that she's truly appreciated? Because I don't see you doing much beyond patting her on the back now and then, and Owen is constantly rude to her. Even Gwen's behaviour is awfully patronising. Then along comes this alluring alien, who says all the right things to Tosh, appreciates her, pays attention to her, makes her feel like she's somebody. Why wouldn't it turn Tosh's head?"
"But that's silly! Tosh is a mature woman, not a teenager." Jack protested.
"You don't get it, do you? I'm saying that this Mary made Tosh feel like she was cherished and loved. That's a big deal if all you've got so far is rudeness and condescension from others. So Tosh grew attached to Mary. And when that happens, when you grow fond of someone, you'll do anything to make them happy. I should know, I've done it myself." Ianto stopped and shut his eyes briefly. He expelled another breath and drained his glass. This time Jack didn't stop him when he went to the bar for more drinks.
Jack waiting until Ianto had settled down again and his breathing had evened.
"And you? Do you think you're being appreciated by your teammates?"
Ianto laughed mirthlessly. "Jack, I'm hardly in a position to demand appreciation, considering what I did. Just plain acceptance is enough."
"Do you think I appreciate you?"
"I don't know -- maybe. You did ask me out tonight."
"Now, who's making it sound like a date?" Jack smiled and winked. Ianto looked away, flustered.
A few seconds later Jack said, "Ianto, have you considered going out with anybody?"
"Why do you ask? Anyway, I thought only Gwen was allowed to do that."
"Now, when did I say such a thing? I just thought, after what you said about Tosh, that it might be healthy for you to see someone outside Torchwood, go on dates -- "
"And tell them lies about my job. No thanks, I don't want to drag some innocent civilian into my life."
"What about sex?" Jack's voice was calm.
Ianto was flustered again. "Well! What do you think? I'm only human." He scoffed.
"I'm sure a handsome fellow like you could have his pick. I see at least two women and one man staring at you right now!" Jack chuckled.
"Huh. I can't do it with a complete stranger. I have to know them at least a little bit, which means they'll have to know me too, and that's not advisable."
"Owen seems to be content with his one-night stands."
Ianto snorted. "Owen, like you, is a lot of talk and not much action. I know for a fact that his tales of numerous one-night stands are just stories. I've watched him trying it on -- and failing."
Jack chuckled. "Oh, he's going to love it when I tell him what you -- hey, wait a minute! Did you just say I'm all talk and no action?"
Ianto pursed in lips in mock-thought. "Well, that story of group sex with the Cycloidians did sound awfully far-fetched."
"It wasn't completely made up! I was there, saw the group sex going on, only I was in some sort of holding cell, so I couldn't participate. But if I could have, I would!" Jack protested.
Ianto burst out laughing and Jack joined in. As they laughed, Ianto put his hand on Jack's shoulder and Jack rested his hand on Ianto's knee. Ianto grew quiet and briefly squeezed Jack's shoulder before letting it go, trailing his hand down Jack's back. Jack let his hand remain on Ianto's knee and caressed it gently. Ianto sipped from his glass, as if marshalling his thoughts, then covered Jack's hand with his own.
The table shielded their knees from view. Ianto stroked Jack's fingers, traced the lines of his knuckles, all the while looking firmly at the table and their glasses. Jack watched him for any signs of hesitation or displeasure. Ianto gently nudged Jack's hand higher up along his leg. When Jack began to fondle his thigh Ianto quickly stopped him and twined his fingers with Jack's, his face flushed.
They remained so for a few seconds. "Ianto", Jack said softly.
"Hmm?" Ianto did not seem to trust himself to speak.
"Do you want to get something to eat?" Jack asked, hoping he would agree.
"No." Ianto was still looking steadily at the table.
"Uh, okay." Jack wasn't sure what to say. He thought desperately of some way to quell the uneasy silence between them.
Ianto broke it. "I don't want to eat." He said quietly, eyes still downcast.
"What do you want then?" Jack whispered.
Ianto tightened his grip on Jack's hand. Jack returned the gesture, squeezing Ianto's fingers between his own.
"Shall we go to yours?" he asked. Ianto nodded. Jack hated to disengage his hand and stand up, fearing it would break the moment, but Ianto got up without a word and they made their way out.
******
They entered the hallway of Ianto's flat. Ianto hadn't spoken at all since they left the pub, and Jack was unsure about what to do. He began to take off his coat, but was stopped by Ianto, who came up behind him and helped him off with his coat, brushing his shoulders lightly as he took the garment and hung it up.
Jack turned around to face Ianto and saw him taking off his shoes. He pulled off his own boots and socks. Straightening up, he saw Ianto chewing his lip and looking pensive.
"Bedroom's this way." Ianto said and turned to go.
Jack strode forward and caught Ianto's arm.
"Hey, come here. Look at me."
Ianto looked steadily at Jack. "What?"
"Are you sure about this?" Jack put his hand on Ianto's cheek, watched him lean into the touch, his eyelids fluttering.
"Yes, I'm sure. What about you?" He looked at Jack with a slight frown.
Jack smiled, took Ianto's hand and placed it on his own crotch. Ianto bit his lip and smiled, then looked away. Jack tried to kiss him, but Ianto took Jack's hand and hurried him into the bedroom.
They stood next to the bed, Jack waiting for his cue from Ianto, Ianto not seeming to know how to proceed.
"We'll get our kit off, yeah?" Ianto began pulling off his jacket.
"Ianto."
"Need a hand?" Ianto came up and pulled Jack's braces off his shoulders. Jack caught his hand.
"Have you done this before?"
"You mean -- with a -- with a man?"
Jack sighed inwardly. These people and their labels. "Yes, with a man. Have you?"
"Well -- sort of." Ianto busied himself with loosening his tie, not meeting Jack's eyes.
"Allow me." Jack took Ianto's hands and put them on his own shirt, indicating he should unbutton it. He began to work on Ianto's tie.
Soon Jack's outer shirt was off. He quickly peeled away his ratty undershirt before Ianto could spot the holes. He felt Ianto's hands roaming over his chest and shoulders, felt him stiffening as Jack unbuttoned his shirt, exposing his chest. Jack brought his mouth close to Ianto's ear.
"I won't do anything you don't want to do. You know that, don't you?."
Ianto nodded. "May I kiss you?" He whispered. They kissed, gently at first, then more passionately. Jack slid Ianto's shirt down his arms and let it fall to the floor. Ianto drew him into a tight embrace and they sank down together on the bed.
****
Jack rested his head against Ianto's chest, hearing the heightened beat of his heart. Ianto stared up at the ceiling, one hand ruffling Jack's hair, the other thrown behind his own head. As Jack snuggled closer, he wished he could stay like this for the whole night. But he knew he had to leave -- Owen had been left in charge at the Hub and he would be impatient to go home. Jack figured he could stay for a few more minutes, though. He threaded his fingers through Ianto's abundant chest hair and heard Ianto chuckle and shift.
"Hey." Jack whispered and looked up.
"Hmmm?" Ianto's voice was dreamy. Jack hated saying his next words.
"I have to get back to the Hub. Relieve Owen of his shift."
"Okay." Ianto said immediately, starting to get up.
"No, wait. You stay here, get some sleep. I'll show myself out. See you in the morning, yeah?"
"Yeah." Ianto said quietly, sitting up.
Jack pulled on his things and, before leaving the bedroom, knelt down by the bed and kissed Ianto. Ianto threw his arms around him and hugged him tightly. Then he whispered 'thanks' into Jack's ear and let him go. Jack turned and left the flat before he could change his mind about staying, but he spent the greater part of the night wondering just what Ianto meant by saying thanks.
****
The next morning Ianto came to the Hub at the usual time. Not that Jack was keeping tabs or anything, he told himself. He just wanted to see what Ianto had got for breakfast. He wasn't disappointed -- Ianto had brought a mouth-watering selection of scones, muffins and doughnuts. He was arranging them on a plate when Jack came upon him.
"Good morning." Ianto said easily, without looking up. He held out a plate to Jack, who wordlessly helped himself. Ianto walked away with the rest of the cakes, leaving Jack bemused, with a mouthful of doughnut.
Later in the morning Owen and Gwen turned up, and Jack called a meeting in the boardroom to discuss the aftermath of the incident with the alien Mary. He was not pleased with how the meeting went. Owen and Gwen didn't pay much attention to his words. Jack could tell from their smirks and stifled giggles that they were playing footsie under the table, and the casual indifference with which they took their coffee cups from Ianto irritated Jack. As if they were lord and lady of the manor and Ianto was no more than their servant. Jack sighed in despair. He had brought Gwen into the team as a welcome change from the solitary and glove-obsessed Suzie; he'd thought that a new, wholesome person would raise team morale and improve the general atmosphere of the Hub. Instead, Gwen was getting off with Owen now, and Tosh was being marginalised, and Ianto ---
Jack looked up just in time to catch Ianto turn his gaze away. So he'd been watching him. Hmm. This was awkward, they would have to clear the air between them. Jack had thought that after last night, they would just go back to their previous easy bantering ways, before the Cyberwoman -- what was he thinking? If Ianto's blushing face was anything to go by, Ianto was probably embarrassed about the whole thing.
The meeting was concluded and the minutes were written up. Jack tried to talk to Ianto but he dropped some reports on Jack's desk and walked away quickly. Jack tried to read the reports, but the annotations in Ianto's handwriting reminded him of Ianto and that in turn reminded him of last night. Kissing Ianto's rosy lips, watching his upturned face with its half-closed eyes, flushed cheeks and parted lips, hearing his throaty moan when Jack fondled his ....
Jack pushed back his chair and rose from his desk. He passed by the others' desks and came upon Gwen and Owen giggling and throwing paper pellets at each other. They stopped when they saw him, looking just like naughty schoolchildren.
"Where's Ianto?" He asked, trying not to sound like a stern headmaster.
"Dunno. Maybe he's in the tourist office." Owen said nonchalantly.
Jack went up to the tourist office, trying to ignore the giggling that had started up again behind him. He wondered what Ianto was doing.
What am I like, I already can't bear to be away from him, he thought. Ianto must have picked up on it, no wonder he was being so cagey around Jack.
The clinking of the bead curtain alerted Ianto and he stood up quickly, but not before Jack had noticed him hunched over the desk with his face in his hands.
"Alright Jack? Owen and Gwen said they're going out to lunch, so I didn't order anything yet. What would you like -- pizza, curry, Chinese?" He talked rapidly and walked around, straightening a flyer here, a pen there.
"Ianto, I..."
"You're not allergic to peanuts, are you? Dragon Palace make this terrific salad with peanuts and glass noodles ..." Ianto went on, grabbing a bunch of takeaway menus.
"Why won't you look me in the eye?" Jack said, finally.
"What? I mean, I do, er there's nothing um ..." Ianto felt silent, staring at the floor and biting his lip.
Jack was quiet for a second, and then he spoke. "Right. Let's wait until Owen and Gwen have left for lunch, and then you can come to my office and we'll have a chat, okay?"
"Okay."
Five minutes later Ianto knocked on the door and entered Jack's office. He seemed more composed, and was making a deliberate effort to meet Jack's gaze, though not for more than a second.
"Ianto, I don't want things to be awkward between us." Jack said as soon as Ianto was seated.
"Yes sir. I'd like to thank you for last night. I really appreciate it, that you were there for me. Sorry about the awkwardness, but it'll pass, I promise. Things will be back to normal and I'm fine, really I'm perfectly okay." Ianto sounded like he had practised this in the few minutes since their last meeting.
"What's with all the thanks? You thanked me last night too -- wait a minute, do you think I did what I did as a favour to you?"
"Well -- you're our leader sir. You've done so much for me, I can't thank you enough. You've given me a second chance when I didn't deserve it. Honestly, I appreciate ..."
"You really think it was a pity shag?" Jack asked wonderingly.
"No, well, I mean, I fully understand you'd do the same for anybody else in the team and I don't want to cause dramas --" Ianto trailed off and looked at his hands, his face quite pink.
Jack laughed out loud. "You think I'd sleep with everyone else in the team? I should be so lucky!"
Ianto said nothing, frowning and looking down.
Jack leaned back and sighed. Then he said, "Tell me, did you enjoy it? Honestly?"
Ianto looked at him squarely in the eye. "Yes, yes I did."
"I enjoyed it very much too." Jack said gently.
"Oh."
"Yes. And I didn't do it out of pity, or a sense of duty. I was attracted to you, and I hope you were attracted to me. Actually I'm still attracted to you."
Ianto looked away in confusion.
"And I really, really hope that you are still attracted to me." Jack continued. "But I want you to know that I won't ever push you. I want you to know that you are perfectly safe here."
Ianto let out a breath. "I..." he began and then choked up.
"Hey, hey, don't worry about anything." Jack got up and walked around the desk, putting his arms around Ianto.
Ianto held on to him, taking deep breaths.
"It's just that I'm not sure how to go on after this -- it's all so puzzling." He murmured into Jack's shoulder.
"We'll take it one day at a time, like we always do. But there's one thing I really want to do with you today." Jack said.
"Oh? What is it?" There was a hint of nervousness in Ianto's voice.
"Will you go out to lunch with me?"
Ianto laughed. "Well! Of course -- but wait! We can't leave the Hub unstaffed. Maybe we should wait until Owen and Gwen come back. Though they did say they were going to have a long, leisurely lunch."
"Then they are sadly mistaken." Jack declared sombrely and rang Gwen's mobile. "Gwen, I need you and Owen to come back to the Hub immediately. Ianto and I have to go out on an urgent Weevil alert." He turned to Ianto and grinned.
"Now then, Mr Jones. What was that you were saying about Dragon Palace and their terrific salad?"
THE END