Chapter 303 crack like whoa
All right, so I resisted last week. But this week I just couldn't. I had to, had to HAD TO write more crack this week. Because... just... omg... this chapter was just… and then… and…
Warnings: Character bashing (though I love all Naruto characters, so the bashing was done with love… or something), fandom bashing (because hey, I can bash my own fandom sometimes), bad language (damn Haku), yaoi (because that’s what I crave), and just plain insanity (I graduate from college in about 3 weeks… my brain has completely melted).
A big thank you to the ones who take the time to translate the manga so fast for us. Your hard work is appreciated, you all win at life, and you rule the intarnet! I got my translation from
cutemew so a big thank you to this wonderful person!
*cave of Wonders*
Sai: I am Danzou-sama's arms and legs.
Sai: I don't exist as a person.
Sai: That is why... nothing you say means anything to me.
*everyone looks depressed*
Haku: Oh whatever, loser. Don't steal my story.
Sai: *blinks* Excuse me?
Haku: How many characters in this damn series have to steal my story?
Sai: … why is your skin so pale?
Haku: Because I’m dead, asshole!
Naruto: Haku… you seem a little tense. What’s the matter?
Haku: *sighs* Sorry, sorry. That was out of character for me. But come on now, chapter 303 and you STILL hadn’t made it over to where Sasuke is! Where is my closure?!
Naruto: Hey! I am trying, don’t rush me!
Sakura: It’s a cave… there’s a straight path to Sasuke…
Sai: Sasuke? *scoffs* You know I told him that you thought of him as a brother.
Sakura: ACK?! You did WHAT?!
Sai: Yep. He didn’t respond to it at all.
Naruto: He didn’t?
Haku: That’s because you were supposed to tell him that Naruto wants to be his sex kitten.
Sai: *smirks* I know, but I am an evil bad guy now you know. Besides, if I can’t have Naruto then no one can! *says overdramatically*
Everyone: *blank stare*
Sai: Sorry, thought I’d make the Sai x Naruto fans happy for a moment.
Sakura: You and… Naruto?
Sai: Yep, we got ourselves a community of followers.
Haku: You’re just a replacement, jerk *mutters*
Sai: What was that?
Haku: I said you are a replacement. For Sasuke, and for me… story stealer!
Sai: Oh please. Didn’t the sand brat steal your story first?
Sakura: All this copyright infringement is making me nauseous…
Haku: He did not steal my story, thank you very much. His is one full of sadness and pain *sniffles* a boy with lots of pretty fishnet and sexy green eyes and red hair who has suffered a great deal.
Sai: Haku x Gaara?!
Haku: Hey shut up! Had I lived it could’ve happened!
Sakura: Had you lived you’d be with Zabuza doing xxx and xxx and xxxxx.
Haku: *smirks* What do you think we do in heaven all day?
Sai: You do THAT in heaven?
Haku: Yep *he smirks more* We watch the series in heaven, because in heaven there are no fillers.
Sai: So... heaven? How do I get a membership?
Naruto: Back to the issue at hand. We have to go and get nii-san back.
Haku: N-nii… san?
Naruto: Yep, Sasuke nii-san.
Haku: Yuck incest!
Naruto: W-what?!
Sai: I thought Uchihas liked that sort of thing.
Sakura: Itachi x Sasuke is NEVER to be mentioned in my pressence. Sasuke x Naruto all the way!
Naruto: Why is there an x between our names? I thought all of our pairings were written like this: SasuNaru.
Haku: Who the hell started that trend?
Sai: I dunno… do other fandoms do it?
Haku: Gundam Wing does numbers.
Sakura: Aaaaaah Gundam Wing, it took all of our yaoi virginities.
Haku: Yeah it did.
Sai: Same here.
Naruto: *coughs and blushes*
Haku: Aha! You are a yaoi boy! Admit it, stop with this brother bullshit!
Sakura: You swear a lot now that you’re dead…
Naruto: But… b-but Sasuke is my brother…
Sakura: *thwaps Naruto* Listen to me, Naruto. I did NOT spend all of this time following you around to have some kind of tearful reunion between brothers! I want some yaoi action damnit!
Haku: Whoo! You go girl!
Naruto: Y-yes ma’am…
Haku: All right! So do your Sailor Moon, “Listen to my speech so we can be friends instead of enemies,” attack and let’s get going!
Sai: Ha! Your attack won’t work on me!
Sakura: I dunno… it has worked on some of the best.
Sai: That sand brat doesn’t count, he just needed a big hug.
Haku: Oh I’ll give him a hug all right…
Sakura: Haku!
Haku: Right right! Zabuza Zabuza Zabuza…
Sakura: Oh, but I wasn’t talking about Gaara. I was talking about… Neji.
*lightning flashes*
Sai: N-Neji? *a picture of Neji fades into the background* You mean… t-that Neji?
Sakura: That’s right. The one who has to be completely, totally, and absolutely asexual. The one who has a stick for far up his ass…
Sai: *looks scared* N-no. No! I don’t want your Sailor Moon attack! Get away from me!
Naruto: Too late! *takes a deep breath* In the past, I hated Sasuke. But... I came to find that I really enjoyed being together with him. It was a lot of fun.
Haku: I just checked the mailing lists and communities, the SasuNaru fan population is rising. Keep up with your speech!
Sai: I-I’m starting to believe in the pairing with Naruto’s passionate words…
Naruto: He was the one person I wanted to acknowledge me, more than anyone else. Because Sasuke is my friend. And because I had finally come to share an important bond with him...
Sai: Bond... *his eyes start watering*
Sakura: *sniffles*
Haku: *sniffles*
Naruto: *keeps smiling* That's why I said while facing Orochimaru: Even if my arms were ripped off, I'd kick him to death. If my feet were ripped off, I'd bite him to death. If my neck were ripped out, I'd stare him to death. If my eyes were ripped out, I'd curse him to death.
Sai:…
Sakura:…
Haku:…
Naruto: So, I don't care if I'm ripped to shreds! I'm still going to take Sasuke back from Orochimaru!
Sai: That… is a bit extreme isn’t it…?
Sakura: What the hell is happening to my OTP?
Haku: I just checked the mailing lists and communities… the population keeps rising…
Sai: Even after he said all of that?
Haku: Yeah… they consider it to be a major hint that Naruto is willing to go that far…
Sai: But… but isn’t that a bit too far?
Haku: Wasn’t the giant four tailed fox a bit too far?
Sakura: My fandom is full of masochists…