"Verloren"
It's been three years now since i've stopped posting here...
So many things happened in this time and now i am here in my flat in munich and feeling more lost than ever.
and i begin to wonder if i will ever find my way out of it...
i don't have real friends here or somebody who cares about me, but lately i am wondering if there are still people who are caring about me..
i became sick over a year ago, still with no diagnose... since that i've avoided going out, since i don't want to be a burden to anyone, and of course the conclusion to that is, that no one asks me to join parties, dinners or get togethers. i've built my own prison.
and now i don't know how to get out from it....
my heart is still broken since a special someone left my life without saying a word.
i've tried to figure it out why, but i am afraid i'll never get the answer to that.
maybe it was the best for us, because we've destroyed another recklessly and that now is the only way to get happy again.
you were so broken, and so am i... how could we possibly heal then?
yet i've never felt so much love for you than for anybody else... you were my home, my arms that were holding me tight when my world was falling apart.. well not everytime...
i still do not know if you ever loved me... but maybe the try of us being together was your way to show me your love?
i am lost, with no clear direction...and it's getting darker around me, even when the sun is shining down like today...
is it still worth trying?
i never gave up because i've always hoped that something better will come and that happiness is just waiting around the corner...
but no... that's not how it goes...
i'm on sick leave for almost six weeks now... and i feel so empty and lonely...
the right words on my motivation letter seem so far away as japan right now..
and my mind is blank as the white paper in front of me..
it seems like i've lost my strength, my motivation, my will and my curiousity for what is still yet to come.
before japan was always the place to come to when my life was falling apart... now i can't even go there because of my disease...
life is a journey but i am afraid i've lost my track...
"Verloren" seems to be the best word to describe it
things i've lost, people i've lost, time i've lost and myself...
So many things happened in this time and now i am here in my flat in munich and feeling more lost than ever.
and i begin to wonder if i will ever find my way out of it...
i don't have real friends here or somebody who cares about me, but lately i am wondering if there are still people who are caring about me..
i became sick over a year ago, still with no diagnose... since that i've avoided going out, since i don't want to be a burden to anyone, and of course the conclusion to that is, that no one asks me to join parties, dinners or get togethers. i've built my own prison.
and now i don't know how to get out from it....
my heart is still broken since a special someone left my life without saying a word.
i've tried to figure it out why, but i am afraid i'll never get the answer to that.
maybe it was the best for us, because we've destroyed another recklessly and that now is the only way to get happy again.
you were so broken, and so am i... how could we possibly heal then?
yet i've never felt so much love for you than for anybody else... you were my home, my arms that were holding me tight when my world was falling apart.. well not everytime...
i still do not know if you ever loved me... but maybe the try of us being together was your way to show me your love?
i am lost, with no clear direction...and it's getting darker around me, even when the sun is shining down like today...
is it still worth trying?
i never gave up because i've always hoped that something better will come and that happiness is just waiting around the corner...
but no... that's not how it goes...
i'm on sick leave for almost six weeks now... and i feel so empty and lonely...
the right words on my motivation letter seem so far away as japan right now..
and my mind is blank as the white paper in front of me..
it seems like i've lost my strength, my motivation, my will and my curiousity for what is still yet to come.
before japan was always the place to come to when my life was falling apart... now i can't even go there because of my disease...
life is a journey but i am afraid i've lost my track...
"Verloren" seems to be the best word to describe it
things i've lost, people i've lost, time i've lost and myself...