(no subject)
i feel really pathetic right now. as in the im sad so im eating pathetic. as in the i feel pathetic because im tired of being normal.
but tomorrow i will feel pathetic for feeling special.
i just feel icky and dirty and its not fun. and i want to be in a clean place and take a relaxing bubble bath in a nice big not here non mold tube where cat hair isnt everywhere.
i have too many choices and too many projects and i just want to cry because they are all important and yet right now, i just want to sit and watch tv.
am i expecting too much of myself at the moment? am i expecting myself to be amazing and successful at everything? a little yes. im also expecting myself to have all the answers because i cant rely on anyone to have them for me. but i dont, so i feel like a failure.
am i failure? i dont know. i dont think so.
but i feel so despondent.
if that is even a word.
so i am going to go eat.
and feel. and just wallow in my patheticness for today.
but tomorrow i will feel pathetic for feeling special.
i just feel icky and dirty and its not fun. and i want to be in a clean place and take a relaxing bubble bath in a nice big not here non mold tube where cat hair isnt everywhere.
i have too many choices and too many projects and i just want to cry because they are all important and yet right now, i just want to sit and watch tv.
am i expecting too much of myself at the moment? am i expecting myself to be amazing and successful at everything? a little yes. im also expecting myself to have all the answers because i cant rely on anyone to have them for me. but i dont, so i feel like a failure.
am i failure? i dont know. i dont think so.
but i feel so despondent.
if that is even a word.
so i am going to go eat.
and feel. and just wallow in my patheticness for today.