(no subject)
I am so sick and tired of people telling me how lucky I am that Calvin took me back. It's like they have to rub in the fact that I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life when I left him. But people in this town cannot mind their own damn business. Yes, I am lucky that Calvin took me back considering I've had someone else's child. Yes, most men wouldn't do that. But that is why I love him so much. Because he's not like all the other guys I have dated. Everyone else was like, 'Hey, hot girl. Bet I can get her in bed. And no, for those of you who are wondering, they didn't succeed in doing so.
So then I get people asking me why I left Calvin if I loved him so much. Well, for one thing .. we were fighting constantly. And I just wanted both of us to go out and date other people for a while to see what else was out there. I didn't feel like I was making him happy because of all the arguing. So I wanted BOTH of us to go out and date someone else. Everything would have worked out okay, except for the fact that he wouldn't date anyone else.
When I met Danny it wasn't an instant attraction ... trust me. He's not all that attractive and he's definitely not the type of guy I would normally even talk to. And to be honest, if he were someone I went to school with, I probably would have never given him the time of day. But he was just so sweet. He always had something nice to say to me, and he took me anywhere I wanted to go. He treated me like a princess. It was so wonderful. But he wanted more than I did. I was just out to have a good time with someone, not to have another serious relationship. And then (drumroll please) I get pregnant. (And no, I'm not a whore. I can count mine on one hand, and I think that's pretty damn good. And you girls that are thinking that about me ... you know ya'll are out having sex too. And everytime you do, you take the risk of getting pregnant. So don't judge me, because it can just as easily happen to you.) I went through a really depressed time in my life because everything in me wanted to get back with Calvin. That's all I thought about.
For a month straight I cried myself to sleep EVERY night over that boy, and every night I prayed and prayed that we could get back togehter. But I never imagined that we really would, because I was having someone else's child. And then we were talking on the phone one night, and he said .... 'Ya know, just because he's not my baby, doesn't mean I can't be a good dad.' My heart melted, and then everything else just fell into place.
But now I have people constantly rubbing things in and it's driving me insane. And to be completely honest, I wouldn't take back any of it. Having Jayden has made my life so much better. There were a lot of things I was doing that neither Calvin or Danny knew about. And if it weren't for Jayden, I honestly believe I would be six feet under right now. So I do believe Jayden is here for a reason, and I believe that it was to help get my life on the right track. And I am so blessed to have such a happy and healthy baby boy.
So for those of you who have looked down on me for my situation .... get over yourself. Everyone has their problems. And I don't even view this as a problem anymore. It's just my life. Calvin and I are happy, and he loves that baby like he was his own. What more could I ask for? Yeah, we still fight from time to time, but now I know he's the person I want to wake up to every morning. He's done so much for Jayden and I, how in the world could I ever leave him again?
Calvin loves me, and lord knows I love that boy with everything in me. We're both happy where we're at ..... why can't everyone else just be happy for us?
-jLh&wCm-