Valor awards?? Seriously??
I got an email this week that went to "Police Staff." It was about this year's valor awards. The first bunch of officers on the list were the ones from Waple Lane. That was my barricade incident last January. The one where the guy blew out his chest cavity after I talked to him for 10 hours.
I know the officers did a good job of rescuing my guys little girl from the front porch. I can appreciate that. He had all ready shot someone else, so she was in need of rescuing. I am proud that the officers were able to be there and get her to safety.
So. Why am I so irritated about them getting valor awards?? They deserve it. They did an awesome job. They saved a little girl's life. I am being such a bitch.
It is just so hard still to hear positive things being said about that incident. I'm still hearing good things about my negotiation. It's used as an example of what to do right. I guess I still can't get past the fact that the guy is dead. As much as I know it was successful because the only loss of human life was the guy's. And he took it himself. It still hurts sometimes. It doesn't help that this recent incident also involved the barricaded guy killing himself... Will I ever think about that incident without feeling a knot in my stomach? Without second guessing everything I did? Without feeling guilty about getting off the phone for my mandatory break only to have him kill himself less than ten minutes later???
I know the officers did a good job of rescuing my guys little girl from the front porch. I can appreciate that. He had all ready shot someone else, so she was in need of rescuing. I am proud that the officers were able to be there and get her to safety.
So. Why am I so irritated about them getting valor awards?? They deserve it. They did an awesome job. They saved a little girl's life. I am being such a bitch.
It is just so hard still to hear positive things being said about that incident. I'm still hearing good things about my negotiation. It's used as an example of what to do right. I guess I still can't get past the fact that the guy is dead. As much as I know it was successful because the only loss of human life was the guy's. And he took it himself. It still hurts sometimes. It doesn't help that this recent incident also involved the barricaded guy killing himself... Will I ever think about that incident without feeling a knot in my stomach? Without second guessing everything I did? Without feeling guilty about getting off the phone for my mandatory break only to have him kill himself less than ten minutes later???