call off the guards- im coming thru.
Life has been throwing me curve balls recently, and i can't say i enjoy it. Up until Last night, i hadn't seen Josh in three weeks, and it was killing me. I am having such a hard time dealing with this distance, not to mention temptation (maybe faults, this is a journal after all) what can i say, i mess up. So does he. He finally admitted to lying to me, which made me feel good, if that makes sense. It's not that i was upset at what he did, because he didnt do anything bad (so he says) its the fact that he lied about it, if you gotta lie about it, then what are you exactly hiding? I tell you the truth because you should trust me and even if im hanging out with other guys, alone or not, im not going to do anything to hurt us, because that means alot to me. At least i thought it did. Still unsure about me and him, it makes me sad. It's just like, how long do you hold on for? If you have the feeling it isnt gonna go anywhere, why do you stay? Cuz its fun, cuz he makes me fel special and fuzzy inside? Yeah, those are good enough reasons. I dont have time for a serious "were gonna get married and have kids" relationship, and as much as i envy my friends who are movign in with their boyfriends and such, i want to take it slow. I want to find a great guy and just go with the flow, see how shit turns out. But God, did seeing him yesterday make me feel good. He just ran up to the car, busted open the door and kissed for so long, im being cheezy im sorry but you really dont understand how he makes me feel sometimes. So good, and sooo fucking shitty some other times. Cant say i dont deserve it.
And im trying to get better. With school, even though i know i need to do better. With friends, im not ditching them. I'm seeing my favachew tomorrow and i cant tell you how excited i am. i miss her mucho. With my family, i try to take time at least twice a week to see them and my grandparents as well. And with Josh, im gonna treat him like he deserves to be treated, i will try. =)
I can be a big bitch, i realize. But its like if im not people try to walk all over this little 5 foot 3 bia, and its not gonna happen, you know? You dont get the hint so i need to step on something for them to see i mean business.
This paper will never get revised if i continue talking, so I will stop. =)
And im trying to get better. With school, even though i know i need to do better. With friends, im not ditching them. I'm seeing my favachew tomorrow and i cant tell you how excited i am. i miss her mucho. With my family, i try to take time at least twice a week to see them and my grandparents as well. And with Josh, im gonna treat him like he deserves to be treated, i will try. =)
I can be a big bitch, i realize. But its like if im not people try to walk all over this little 5 foot 3 bia, and its not gonna happen, you know? You dont get the hint so i need to step on something for them to see i mean business.
This paper will never get revised if i continue talking, so I will stop. =)