I needed to write this down since I'm thinking about my new singlehood
I've been getting noticed again that I have a vagina by the opposite sex, and there's just so many more things that are turn offs nowadays with me. But there are still the same turn ons too. I figured I'd list these two so you can have a good laugh.
Turn ons/turn offs!:
If you smoke I'm not going to kiss you, or do anything with you. In fact, I'll treat you like you have AIDS, because smoking is the grossest thing anyone could ever do, other than drink their own piss in bottle form.
If you have a little bitch dog like a Chihuahua or Pomeranian, or even a cat that YOU adopted, I'm not even going to waste time looking at you, unless it's to give you the look saying, are you fucking kidding me!? Seriously, grow a pair and maybe I'll give you attention.
If you dye your hair more than I do, I'll probably tell you to shave your head and start over. Your vanity is seeping into your brain and making you demented.
If you dress with a "theme" or dress a "type", I'm just going to assume you're gay. I"ll probably tell you that your penis would make a cute vagina like mine too. Guys that put effort into their outfits or take more than 15 minutes to get ready for the day are too high maintenance for me, and if I ever caught myself with someone like this, I would dump all your millions of hair/hygene products down the drain and cut up all your favorite shirts/belts/jackets/ties.
On the other hand, if you look like you've never seen the actual light of day and seem to have the same skin problems you did your sophomore year of high school, I'm not even going to touch you, let alone stand next to you. You give off the mental shut in syndrome and I'm going to assume that you're just going to hyperventilate if I even talk to you.
I'm not racist, but if you shove material/stereotypical bullshit in my face, I'm going to ignore you and pretend you don't exist. Also, I might threaten you if you come to close to me. I don't need you pushing your "culture" in my face like I'm an idiot. Yes, you're black/asian/latino/whatever, so what?
Don't try and impress me with your "career" or profession. I'm not hiring you for anything. I'm not going to fall over myself because you do something that pays you a lot of money. That's not who you are, and if you think it is, then I guess we can't communicate to each other anyway.
Being extremely loud and a smart ass just makes me mad, and I will be a bitch to you. Why? Because you're advertising that you want to feel special, and because of that, I'm going to treat you like shit. I'm not here to stroke your ego.
Another thing, if you're over the age of 25, I'm not going to try and get with you. You're too old for me, and that's creepy. I'm not a little trophy that you can flaunt to all your coworkers who have a 401k and ugly dried up old wives. I'm a person, not a pet. I'm also not here to help you cope with your midlife crisis. My life just started, and I don't need your drama.
If you're self conscious or have social anxiety, I'll see it. I look for that in people because those are the people I observer when I people watch. I find it interesting and peculiar. That's not a turn on for me, it's a curiousity, mostly because I'm not socially awkward. If anything, it tends to be a turn off because I assume that you can't handle me. More times than not you can't.
I don't like dumb people either. Hell, no one does. If you aren't successful with your life (i.e. still living at home, never graduated, never went to college or dropped out, work full time at some lame place like in a mall or some store like Target or Office Depot, hang around your high school at all, constantly reminisque about "the good old days", etc.), I'm not going to have anything in common with you. I'm a person of substance, and if I find you're just an empty shell, I'm just going to stop talking to you.
Furthermore, if you are all about the stock market, government, politics, the news, religion, world issues, and all that other super grown up stuff, I'm going to look at you like your eyes just fell out of your head. I'm apathetic about 90% of it, and it's not something I generally enjoy talking about to pass the time. I like discussing things I've done that day, or make plans to have fun, or gossip about hollywood, crack jokes, sing, shoot the shit. If you feel like that's not enough, then I'm not going to give you enough. At least from a conversational standpoint.
Also, if you kiss like your tongue is a dagger and my mouth is a chest wound, I'm going to run away. Not walk, not say something to deter you, I'm going to full on sprint out of your general direction. If you can't satisfy any of my physical needs, you're a lost cause.
Pussy: you either like it or you don't. Guess which opinion is wrong?
Okay, so enough negativeness and onto the things I can't live without. Like facial hair. God, if you give me scruff I'll give you anything you want. Yes, I will go into the kitchen and make you a samich, because I can't get enough of what's on your face.
Pretty eyes. If you have eyes that make me want to dive into them, I'm set. I will always look you in the eye when we talk, and I'll probably dream about them too. These little pretties are most likely the first thing I'll see, and I'll want them on me constantly.
A killer smile. These are enough to make me fall on my face with giddiness. If you have a nice smile, and smile often (not too much, because then I'll know it's fake, or you're just on something) I'm going to want to make you smile all the time.
Big, muscled arms. Plus now that it's getting warmer and baseball season is starting, um....Yum! I am attracted to muscles, but not body building ones. If you have definition and you're lean and hard, I'm going to want to climb you like a tree.
Oh, and if you're funny, I'm going to laugh. And I'm going to talk to you. And I'm going to keep you.
Basically I like what everyone else likes in people: they're nice, polite, caring, considerate, they take care of themselves, etc. You're good in my book.
But I must admit, I love it when guys where baseball caps. Probably the hottest look in the world. I like prettiness, but if you're like an abercrombie and fitch looking model, I'm gonna say you're too much for me. I need someone who's naturally goodlooking but does like 3 or 4 things to get ready and that's this: showers, puts on deodorant, brushes their teeth, maybe shaves or trims the scruff once in a while, and does something with their hair like putting something in it to keep it from looking like shit, or capping it. That's about it.
I just like listing all the shit I dont' like, mostly because it's from experience. I don't like sluts. If you've been with a lot of women before me, I'm not going to leap into your arms and say let's do this. I'm pretty aprehensive about people like you.
Turn ons/turn offs!:
If you smoke I'm not going to kiss you, or do anything with you. In fact, I'll treat you like you have AIDS, because smoking is the grossest thing anyone could ever do, other than drink their own piss in bottle form.
If you have a little bitch dog like a Chihuahua or Pomeranian, or even a cat that YOU adopted, I'm not even going to waste time looking at you, unless it's to give you the look saying, are you fucking kidding me!? Seriously, grow a pair and maybe I'll give you attention.
If you dye your hair more than I do, I'll probably tell you to shave your head and start over. Your vanity is seeping into your brain and making you demented.
If you dress with a "theme" or dress a "type", I'm just going to assume you're gay. I"ll probably tell you that your penis would make a cute vagina like mine too. Guys that put effort into their outfits or take more than 15 minutes to get ready for the day are too high maintenance for me, and if I ever caught myself with someone like this, I would dump all your millions of hair/hygene products down the drain and cut up all your favorite shirts/belts/jackets/ties.
On the other hand, if you look like you've never seen the actual light of day and seem to have the same skin problems you did your sophomore year of high school, I'm not even going to touch you, let alone stand next to you. You give off the mental shut in syndrome and I'm going to assume that you're just going to hyperventilate if I even talk to you.
I'm not racist, but if you shove material/stereotypical bullshit in my face, I'm going to ignore you and pretend you don't exist. Also, I might threaten you if you come to close to me. I don't need you pushing your "culture" in my face like I'm an idiot. Yes, you're black/asian/latino/whatever, so what?
Don't try and impress me with your "career" or profession. I'm not hiring you for anything. I'm not going to fall over myself because you do something that pays you a lot of money. That's not who you are, and if you think it is, then I guess we can't communicate to each other anyway.
Being extremely loud and a smart ass just makes me mad, and I will be a bitch to you. Why? Because you're advertising that you want to feel special, and because of that, I'm going to treat you like shit. I'm not here to stroke your ego.
Another thing, if you're over the age of 25, I'm not going to try and get with you. You're too old for me, and that's creepy. I'm not a little trophy that you can flaunt to all your coworkers who have a 401k and ugly dried up old wives. I'm a person, not a pet. I'm also not here to help you cope with your midlife crisis. My life just started, and I don't need your drama.
If you're self conscious or have social anxiety, I'll see it. I look for that in people because those are the people I observer when I people watch. I find it interesting and peculiar. That's not a turn on for me, it's a curiousity, mostly because I'm not socially awkward. If anything, it tends to be a turn off because I assume that you can't handle me. More times than not you can't.
I don't like dumb people either. Hell, no one does. If you aren't successful with your life (i.e. still living at home, never graduated, never went to college or dropped out, work full time at some lame place like in a mall or some store like Target or Office Depot, hang around your high school at all, constantly reminisque about "the good old days", etc.), I'm not going to have anything in common with you. I'm a person of substance, and if I find you're just an empty shell, I'm just going to stop talking to you.
Furthermore, if you are all about the stock market, government, politics, the news, religion, world issues, and all that other super grown up stuff, I'm going to look at you like your eyes just fell out of your head. I'm apathetic about 90% of it, and it's not something I generally enjoy talking about to pass the time. I like discussing things I've done that day, or make plans to have fun, or gossip about hollywood, crack jokes, sing, shoot the shit. If you feel like that's not enough, then I'm not going to give you enough. At least from a conversational standpoint.
Also, if you kiss like your tongue is a dagger and my mouth is a chest wound, I'm going to run away. Not walk, not say something to deter you, I'm going to full on sprint out of your general direction. If you can't satisfy any of my physical needs, you're a lost cause.
Pussy: you either like it or you don't. Guess which opinion is wrong?
Okay, so enough negativeness and onto the things I can't live without. Like facial hair. God, if you give me scruff I'll give you anything you want. Yes, I will go into the kitchen and make you a samich, because I can't get enough of what's on your face.
Pretty eyes. If you have eyes that make me want to dive into them, I'm set. I will always look you in the eye when we talk, and I'll probably dream about them too. These little pretties are most likely the first thing I'll see, and I'll want them on me constantly.
A killer smile. These are enough to make me fall on my face with giddiness. If you have a nice smile, and smile often (not too much, because then I'll know it's fake, or you're just on something) I'm going to want to make you smile all the time.
Big, muscled arms. Plus now that it's getting warmer and baseball season is starting, um....Yum! I am attracted to muscles, but not body building ones. If you have definition and you're lean and hard, I'm going to want to climb you like a tree.
Oh, and if you're funny, I'm going to laugh. And I'm going to talk to you. And I'm going to keep you.
Basically I like what everyone else likes in people: they're nice, polite, caring, considerate, they take care of themselves, etc. You're good in my book.
But I must admit, I love it when guys where baseball caps. Probably the hottest look in the world. I like prettiness, but if you're like an abercrombie and fitch looking model, I'm gonna say you're too much for me. I need someone who's naturally goodlooking but does like 3 or 4 things to get ready and that's this: showers, puts on deodorant, brushes their teeth, maybe shaves or trims the scruff once in a while, and does something with their hair like putting something in it to keep it from looking like shit, or capping it. That's about it.
I just like listing all the shit I dont' like, mostly because it's from experience. I don't like sluts. If you've been with a lot of women before me, I'm not going to leap into your arms and say let's do this. I'm pretty aprehensive about people like you.