she wants to fall in love again / he is statisfied to hold her
I dont know why I feel the need to use this thing. Ever since i realized that recording the things i did or how i felt could be extremly exposing i quit using my little diary. Maybe I just need to get it out. what is it?? who knows.
Today was my mamas birthday. we through a surprise party for her. she had no idea. :)
And i pulled off being happy quite well. I'm getting really good at this. i hope. I feel very....empty.
The closer it gets to my best friends wedding this summer the more alone i seem to feel. I think part of me is jealous. I know that I would defintely do not want to get married now, thats for sure. I just want someone to care about me as much as they care about eachother. it makes me feel like i'm lacking in some way that makes me incapable of being loved. maybe i dont deserve it
shit....the sugar high is wearing off. crashing is not the fun part of eating sugar. You'd think I that I would hate a hangover worse than crashing after a sugar high, but i dont. After I sugar high I feel completely lost, alone; like the whole world hates me and wants to wipe me off the face of the earth like a dust bunny from under the bed. When I drink i tend not to care what happens to me, and that feeling carries over to the hangover. Lie in bed all day? sure! why not! nobody really cares about me, they wont miss me anyway. I prefer a hangover. maybe thats why i like to drink. i become apathetic and dont care. i dont worry. its a vacation from myself.
somebody please sick an assasin on me.
Today was my mamas birthday. we through a surprise party for her. she had no idea. :)
And i pulled off being happy quite well. I'm getting really good at this. i hope. I feel very....empty.
The closer it gets to my best friends wedding this summer the more alone i seem to feel. I think part of me is jealous. I know that I would defintely do not want to get married now, thats for sure. I just want someone to care about me as much as they care about eachother. it makes me feel like i'm lacking in some way that makes me incapable of being loved. maybe i dont deserve it
shit....the sugar high is wearing off. crashing is not the fun part of eating sugar. You'd think I that I would hate a hangover worse than crashing after a sugar high, but i dont. After I sugar high I feel completely lost, alone; like the whole world hates me and wants to wipe me off the face of the earth like a dust bunny from under the bed. When I drink i tend not to care what happens to me, and that feeling carries over to the hangover. Lie in bed all day? sure! why not! nobody really cares about me, they wont miss me anyway. I prefer a hangover. maybe thats why i like to drink. i become apathetic and dont care. i dont worry. its a vacation from myself.
somebody please sick an assasin on me.