(no subject)
So I just got home from Vegas. Loved it. Adored it. Want to go back.
But that really isn't what I wanted to type about. Already covered it on myspace.
This on the other hand is my bitch time. So, be smart, click something else to read.
Ever wake up and think, ya know, I just really dont' like who I am? i figured out in Vegas that I am once again falling into my old mindset. I hated it then. Really hate it now. I want to be the person I like, not the one who makes me cry and hate myself. I've already decided some things can be easily fixed. Hence the new eating and the personal trainer. But some things can't be as easily fixed. Those things that are deep in me, that make me the bitch that I am. i'm bitchy, I shine til I get my way...and I know why. Because people let me. I hate admitting that, but it's true. I'm only that way around people who let me get away with it. And I damn well push it to the limit. I'm a spoiled ass thing at times, and that wouldn't be as bad. But if I'm not happy, no one around me is allowed to be either. I have all these issues I didn't really understand I had until lately. I thought I hate gotten beyond some old things from the days of married bliss, but apparently, they are still there. I hate being considered stupid, or even worse, treated as if and told that i am stupid. yes, I do dumb things, or act blond at times. But I am not stupid, not a person to be treated as a dumbass whore, I have more intelligence that alot of people, I damn well am capable of doing things some can't even begin to do. Just because I dont' neccessarily say exactly what I think doesn't make me someone to be treated like an incompetent child. I really fucking hate that. And the one person I actually had considered a friend did that to me. Made me feel too fucking stupid to exist. And I keep putting myself in that situation around him. I fuckin hate it! I have done decently well for myself, not ruch or materialistically high class, but I am happy with what I have and how I function in the real world right now. So fucking bite me.
But that really isn't what I wanted to type about. Already covered it on myspace.
This on the other hand is my bitch time. So, be smart, click something else to read.
Ever wake up and think, ya know, I just really dont' like who I am? i figured out in Vegas that I am once again falling into my old mindset. I hated it then. Really hate it now. I want to be the person I like, not the one who makes me cry and hate myself. I've already decided some things can be easily fixed. Hence the new eating and the personal trainer. But some things can't be as easily fixed. Those things that are deep in me, that make me the bitch that I am. i'm bitchy, I shine til I get my way...and I know why. Because people let me. I hate admitting that, but it's true. I'm only that way around people who let me get away with it. And I damn well push it to the limit. I'm a spoiled ass thing at times, and that wouldn't be as bad. But if I'm not happy, no one around me is allowed to be either. I have all these issues I didn't really understand I had until lately. I thought I hate gotten beyond some old things from the days of married bliss, but apparently, they are still there. I hate being considered stupid, or even worse, treated as if and told that i am stupid. yes, I do dumb things, or act blond at times. But I am not stupid, not a person to be treated as a dumbass whore, I have more intelligence that alot of people, I damn well am capable of doing things some can't even begin to do. Just because I dont' neccessarily say exactly what I think doesn't make me someone to be treated like an incompetent child. I really fucking hate that. And the one person I actually had considered a friend did that to me. Made me feel too fucking stupid to exist. And I keep putting myself in that situation around him. I fuckin hate it! I have done decently well for myself, not ruch or materialistically high class, but I am happy with what I have and how I function in the real world right now. So fucking bite me.