I am
I am a lesbian. It's about time I get it out there.
I am also going to be living a lie. As being a lesbian in my small community I will be outcast. By family, friends and the rest of these hicks.
A few years ago, more like eons ago, I had a girlfriend. I loved her dearly, she was beautiful, smart, intelligent, sexy as hell, devilish grin and she made me smile, made me feel beautiful and sexy. I hid her from the world of the knowing, I dated two guys to cover up my feelings for her. I created a lie and I played my part. Never once thinking about her, her emotions, her feelings or anything. I took it upon myself to protect us. We broke up. I was devastated. My love for her crashed down. I lost my heart and my way. I had moved away for work, but really I wanted to save up and get a house a place of our own. My big dreams still involved her. I wanted to live with her, marry her and grow old with her. But those dreams and so many more came crashing down. I've long since come to terms with my broken dreams. I was a bitch though in those final days to her. I said everything to ruin it. To burn my bridges and forget her. I was evil, a person I regret being. I thought I'd lost her permanently.
But who knew that a few years later we'd start talking again. I still loved her but it was in a friend way. My love for her went from friend to girlfriend back to friend. I'm not afraid to tell her that I still love her. But that was a huge mistake. I love her yes I do. But I want to be friends.
So we've gotten into again, all my fault again. I take the blame fully for this. So for me to find my smile I have to live a lie all over again. I now need to find myself a man, I know in my heart of hearts that is not what I want. I want a woman. But to move on and to put on a brave face for the world, I must now lie.
I feel so wretched and sick that I've been skipping every meal and only having one. I drink loads of water and chew gum like it's going out of style. My head swims with 'What am I going to do? Can I live with this? Can I be the person my parents think I am now?' the list goes on.
So what should I do? Grow old alone or grow old with a person I don't really love? I think I'll take my chance on the opposite sex. Who knows maybe I'm not really a lesbian. I mean what would I know on what I want.
I am a lesbian, I am proud and I must hide and lie who I really am.
I am also going to be living a lie. As being a lesbian in my small community I will be outcast. By family, friends and the rest of these hicks.
A few years ago, more like eons ago, I had a girlfriend. I loved her dearly, she was beautiful, smart, intelligent, sexy as hell, devilish grin and she made me smile, made me feel beautiful and sexy. I hid her from the world of the knowing, I dated two guys to cover up my feelings for her. I created a lie and I played my part. Never once thinking about her, her emotions, her feelings or anything. I took it upon myself to protect us. We broke up. I was devastated. My love for her crashed down. I lost my heart and my way. I had moved away for work, but really I wanted to save up and get a house a place of our own. My big dreams still involved her. I wanted to live with her, marry her and grow old with her. But those dreams and so many more came crashing down. I've long since come to terms with my broken dreams. I was a bitch though in those final days to her. I said everything to ruin it. To burn my bridges and forget her. I was evil, a person I regret being. I thought I'd lost her permanently.
But who knew that a few years later we'd start talking again. I still loved her but it was in a friend way. My love for her went from friend to girlfriend back to friend. I'm not afraid to tell her that I still love her. But that was a huge mistake. I love her yes I do. But I want to be friends.
So we've gotten into again, all my fault again. I take the blame fully for this. So for me to find my smile I have to live a lie all over again. I now need to find myself a man, I know in my heart of hearts that is not what I want. I want a woman. But to move on and to put on a brave face for the world, I must now lie.
I feel so wretched and sick that I've been skipping every meal and only having one. I drink loads of water and chew gum like it's going out of style. My head swims with 'What am I going to do? Can I live with this? Can I be the person my parents think I am now?' the list goes on.
So what should I do? Grow old alone or grow old with a person I don't really love? I think I'll take my chance on the opposite sex. Who knows maybe I'm not really a lesbian. I mean what would I know on what I want.
I am a lesbian, I am proud and I must hide and lie who I really am.