(no subject)

[sassy669]

where should i start...well, today sucked to say the least. i've had a long fucking day and i know im gonna get shit for this but fuck it cuase its the least of my worries now..after having a horrible day i came home and jus layed on my bed and jus thought. its seriously been a long time since ive jus laid there to regroup. when i was laying there i couldnt stop thinking about last summer and how perfect everythign was and how content i was with my life for the most part. i couldnt stop thinking about my life when it was so much simpler and less stressful and heartbreaking. and i couldnt stop hearing "life isnt always peachy" like my mom always used to tell me. now im starting to believe her. i jus didnt think it could get this bad. i miss her so much its seriously indescribable. i called her when i got home cuase i was so upset and i needed someone to talk to and all she had to say about the whole situation was "is it worth it"? and without hesitation i said of course. of course it is but its still not fair. i dont think its fair for me to feel this way this often. it sucks-trust me. and i know its not fair for you either cuase i know neither of us want this and i understand it hurts you too. i miss my mom. i miss my firends for that matter too. i know people change, people grow apart and friendships dont always last forver--but noone ever thinks itll happen to thier group of friends. at least i know i didnt. i should have known things wouldnt be exactly the same when i came back and i know i was naive for thinking that but god it sucks. i miss hanging out with all of them. none of them get along all together so its like i have to go in shifts. i jus miss how things were, the simple life. i dont understand why everything i face has to be so fucking hard. i can honestly say i never thought a relationship would be so difficult. you owuld think that if you cared that much about eachother that nothing could break you apart or make you feel rejected by them and that stupid shit couldnt jeopordze your whole relationship. its really stupid when you sit and think about it. and i jus love it. Being in a relationship means work form both ends-not one-both. And trying not to be someones bitch in noway implies that you have o be a bitch to the other one. ughh i hate this feeling. i hate how people can be so cruel jus for a rise or jus for a laugh. its unbelievable how low people can get treated. that’s enough bitching.. today did have some good though! i got to see my sister cuase she came down for her birthday. it was really nice seeing her-yes surprisingly i did miss her..heh..oh man i wish i could go to her party..oh well. jus one more day. i jus have to get through one more day. then its break time and i get to see my mom and hopefully actually relax a little bit and chill out cus i cant handle this pressure. im starting to realize valentines day is in like one day and all im feeling is depressed. bottom line-im tired of being alone and lonely. maybe im not literally alone but it may as well be cuase your never there its jus like im alone and i hate it. i jus need someone there for me and i wish it could be you. ekk i feel like shit so its defenetly bedtime. please don’t give me a hard time-cuase i don’t wanna hear it.

life is not jolly