Thought my boots were bad, did you? I'll show you bad...
So there I was, innocently browsing Payless.com for some bargains, when my eyes were brutally assaulted by an ungodly creation far more terrifying than Frankenstein's monster or even the second season of Heroes:
Peep-toe oxfords.
I ask you, WHY?! In the name of all that is holy, why would you do that to a perfectly innocent pair of trendy nun shoes that didn't hurt anyone? Did a really mean nun rap you with a ruler one too many times, Payless shoe designer, causing you to revolt by defiling an otherwise perfectly nice shoe and then charging a galling $30 for that steaming pile of crap? Because if that's the case then you probably really deserve another good smack on the knuckles.
It's not just Payless. This bullshit is everywhere. Someone decided to do this shit to boots, too. And most places are charging even more money.
Let's not even get into whatever the fuck happened here.
Now let me say, in the interest of fairness, that I am biased. In the winter months I am strictly closed-toe. I don't really understand this thing the past few years where you can't find a decent fucking pair of closed-toe dress shoes in the winter. Has frostbite come into vogue and no one told me? Because maybe shoe designers all live on the Equator or something, but winter gets fucking cold in a lot of places. There is often ice and snow and slush on the ground. I don't know about you but I tend to find it unpleasant to have my feet exposed to things like subzero temperatures, ice, and rock salt. Also, fuck that new trend of wearing tights with open-toe shoes. That looks hideous. HIDEOUS. No one needs to see your nylon toe condoms. So not wanting to look "trendy" and HIDEOUS leaves one stuck with bare legs and bare toes. In the winter. I'm a slave to fashion and all, but hell no.
Also? I think my examples here have shown that winter shoes look ridiculous with open toes. Oxfords cover your whole foot. They are designed that way. What in the blue fuck is the point of a shoe that covers your whole foot except the tips of your toes? If you want to show off your nail polish that badly, put it on your fingers. Or hell, just go all the way and wear god damn sandals. Because I don't care how trendy it is or what Lindsay Lohan is doing (and let's not take fashion cues from a girl who hasn't worn pants in two years anyway, m'kay?), these shoes look stupid. It looks like your shoe went through some tragic accident with a kitchen knife just before you put it on but you were running late so you said "oh fuck it" and wore them anyway. Or like your dog chewed the toes clean off and you never noticed.
In short, I hate this trend. A lot. It needs to go away now. Also I would like to be able to shop and find a selection of actual season-appropriate shoes again, please.
Peep-toe oxfords.
I ask you, WHY?! In the name of all that is holy, why would you do that to a perfectly innocent pair of trendy nun shoes that didn't hurt anyone? Did a really mean nun rap you with a ruler one too many times, Payless shoe designer, causing you to revolt by defiling an otherwise perfectly nice shoe and then charging a galling $30 for that steaming pile of crap? Because if that's the case then you probably really deserve another good smack on the knuckles.
It's not just Payless. This bullshit is everywhere. Someone decided to do this shit to boots, too. And most places are charging even more money.
Let's not even get into whatever the fuck happened here.
Now let me say, in the interest of fairness, that I am biased. In the winter months I am strictly closed-toe. I don't really understand this thing the past few years where you can't find a decent fucking pair of closed-toe dress shoes in the winter. Has frostbite come into vogue and no one told me? Because maybe shoe designers all live on the Equator or something, but winter gets fucking cold in a lot of places. There is often ice and snow and slush on the ground. I don't know about you but I tend to find it unpleasant to have my feet exposed to things like subzero temperatures, ice, and rock salt. Also, fuck that new trend of wearing tights with open-toe shoes. That looks hideous. HIDEOUS. No one needs to see your nylon toe condoms. So not wanting to look "trendy" and HIDEOUS leaves one stuck with bare legs and bare toes. In the winter. I'm a slave to fashion and all, but hell no.
Also? I think my examples here have shown that winter shoes look ridiculous with open toes. Oxfords cover your whole foot. They are designed that way. What in the blue fuck is the point of a shoe that covers your whole foot except the tips of your toes? If you want to show off your nail polish that badly, put it on your fingers. Or hell, just go all the way and wear god damn sandals. Because I don't care how trendy it is or what Lindsay Lohan is doing (and let's not take fashion cues from a girl who hasn't worn pants in two years anyway, m'kay?), these shoes look stupid. It looks like your shoe went through some tragic accident with a kitchen knife just before you put it on but you were running late so you said "oh fuck it" and wore them anyway. Or like your dog chewed the toes clean off and you never noticed.
In short, I hate this trend. A lot. It needs to go away now. Also I would like to be able to shop and find a selection of actual season-appropriate shoes again, please.