SANTA also contains all the same letters as SATAN.
OK, so I don't know if this is hilarious satire or the rantings of a seriously disturbed person, but whatever, it's awesome:
St Nick - or Nikolay?
WITH Christmas approaching it is time to remind you it's a communist plot.
And let us begin this story at the communist plot, the grave of Karl Heinrich Marx in London's Highgate Cemetery.
Recall my attempt to blow it up in 1970? I only managed a flesh wound in the marble. I’d become aware of Marx’s connections to Christmas when visiting Highgate in ’69 because of my fascination with ancient Egypt. For much of the cemetery is Egyptian-themed. Splendid Egyptian-style gates welcome you to an Egyptian Walk crowded with tombs inspired by Thebes and Karnak - a fashion embraced by wealthy Brits after the Battle of the Nile, when Nelson pummelled the French fleet.
Distracted by the Pharaonic monuments, I stumbled upon - indeed into - the last resting place of the accursed Marx, author of the blasphemous Das Kapital. But I didn’t realise it was his head depicted thrice life-size on the massive plinth. Laying there, rubbing my bruised knee, I thought it was Santa.
Google his grave, I implore you - and behold the eerie similarity. The big bearded bloke is identical to the thousands of in-store Santas who bruise their knees dandling kiddies at $5 a pop. Though doomed in this era of pedophilial paranoia, the Father Christmases of global retailing are, make no mistake, Karl Marxes in thin - well, fat - disguise.
This propaganda effort, this blatant attempt to indoctrinate children into the evils of the two worst “isms” in history - communism and socialism - is political pedophilia. I do not entirely blame the stores - they were innocent at the outset. Gulled into co-operation by greed. The promoters of this annual stunt, the Father Christmas conspiracy, told all the big department stores that they’d make oodles of extra money. In other words, the commos spoke the language of capitalists and the stores bought it. Despite the warnings of the Church. Not that the Christians realised it was all a commie plot. They were simply concerned that the birth of Christ would become commercialised.
(We interrupt this narrative to question Christianity’s claim on December 25. It actually pinched pagan Rome’s festival of Saturnalia, so beloved by Caligula. Not only do our Christmas celebrations occur at the same time, but they’ve become comparably gluttonous. The same can be said of Easter, when chocolate eggs confuse concerns about crucifixion. Those eggs are ancient fertility symbols, thus further blurring Christianity with paganism. But I digress…)
Think about it for a second. And don’t say the Reds didn’t lay on the symbolism. First, Father Christmas is a dead ringer for the Father of Communism. Second, he dresses top-to-bottom in red! Third, the whole idea of Father Christmas reindeering and sleighing around the world with a giant sack full of presents shrieks of commie propaganda. The national anthem of communism is an international anthem - L’Internationale. Commos were into globalisation before the capitalists. Children of the world unite - you’ve everything to gain! All those prezzies! To each according to his need!
But there was a cover story, camouflage for the conspiracy. Check out the history of Father Christmas - as opposed to Saint Nicholas and Santa - and you’ll find the claim that the big, red, roly-poly, bearded old ho-hoer was invented not by the Kremlin but, and I kid you not, Coca-Cola! They claim to have come up with Father Christmas’s famous cozzie in an illustration commissioned for a turn-of-the-century advertising campaign. The ultimate capitalist company - until McDonald’s came along - providing a cover story for the evil Bolsheviks. You’d have to be high on coke to believe that. But, of course, cocaine was an ingredient in early formulations of the beverage, the very blood of the US economic system. They were all off their faces.
Having failed to topple Marx from his pedestal I now try to warn the world, all you unsuspecting, God-fearing parents, of the clear and present danger posed by those presents, by Father Christmas and his effing reindeers. Though L’Internationale has been drowned out by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, that hint of red should serve to alert. It’s the reindeer with the red proboscis children are taught to love. And the star atop your Christmas tree? Seen the one atop the Kremlin?
Soon Father Christmas will rise from his underground base in the Arctic like a missile rising from its silo - to launch his attack on every western city. He’ll fly under the radar. No jets will take off to shoot the commie bastard down. No Star Wars barrier will activate. Nothing to stop him dropping a nuke down the White House chimney. Don’t let your kiddies near him. Blast him out of the skies.
St Nick - or Nikolay?
WITH Christmas approaching it is time to remind you it's a communist plot.
And let us begin this story at the communist plot, the grave of Karl Heinrich Marx in London's Highgate Cemetery.
Recall my attempt to blow it up in 1970? I only managed a flesh wound in the marble. I’d become aware of Marx’s connections to Christmas when visiting Highgate in ’69 because of my fascination with ancient Egypt. For much of the cemetery is Egyptian-themed. Splendid Egyptian-style gates welcome you to an Egyptian Walk crowded with tombs inspired by Thebes and Karnak - a fashion embraced by wealthy Brits after the Battle of the Nile, when Nelson pummelled the French fleet.
Distracted by the Pharaonic monuments, I stumbled upon - indeed into - the last resting place of the accursed Marx, author of the blasphemous Das Kapital. But I didn’t realise it was his head depicted thrice life-size on the massive plinth. Laying there, rubbing my bruised knee, I thought it was Santa.
Google his grave, I implore you - and behold the eerie similarity. The big bearded bloke is identical to the thousands of in-store Santas who bruise their knees dandling kiddies at $5 a pop. Though doomed in this era of pedophilial paranoia, the Father Christmases of global retailing are, make no mistake, Karl Marxes in thin - well, fat - disguise.
This propaganda effort, this blatant attempt to indoctrinate children into the evils of the two worst “isms” in history - communism and socialism - is political pedophilia. I do not entirely blame the stores - they were innocent at the outset. Gulled into co-operation by greed. The promoters of this annual stunt, the Father Christmas conspiracy, told all the big department stores that they’d make oodles of extra money. In other words, the commos spoke the language of capitalists and the stores bought it. Despite the warnings of the Church. Not that the Christians realised it was all a commie plot. They were simply concerned that the birth of Christ would become commercialised.
(We interrupt this narrative to question Christianity’s claim on December 25. It actually pinched pagan Rome’s festival of Saturnalia, so beloved by Caligula. Not only do our Christmas celebrations occur at the same time, but they’ve become comparably gluttonous. The same can be said of Easter, when chocolate eggs confuse concerns about crucifixion. Those eggs are ancient fertility symbols, thus further blurring Christianity with paganism. But I digress…)
Think about it for a second. And don’t say the Reds didn’t lay on the symbolism. First, Father Christmas is a dead ringer for the Father of Communism. Second, he dresses top-to-bottom in red! Third, the whole idea of Father Christmas reindeering and sleighing around the world with a giant sack full of presents shrieks of commie propaganda. The national anthem of communism is an international anthem - L’Internationale. Commos were into globalisation before the capitalists. Children of the world unite - you’ve everything to gain! All those prezzies! To each according to his need!
But there was a cover story, camouflage for the conspiracy. Check out the history of Father Christmas - as opposed to Saint Nicholas and Santa - and you’ll find the claim that the big, red, roly-poly, bearded old ho-hoer was invented not by the Kremlin but, and I kid you not, Coca-Cola! They claim to have come up with Father Christmas’s famous cozzie in an illustration commissioned for a turn-of-the-century advertising campaign. The ultimate capitalist company - until McDonald’s came along - providing a cover story for the evil Bolsheviks. You’d have to be high on coke to believe that. But, of course, cocaine was an ingredient in early formulations of the beverage, the very blood of the US economic system. They were all off their faces.
Having failed to topple Marx from his pedestal I now try to warn the world, all you unsuspecting, God-fearing parents, of the clear and present danger posed by those presents, by Father Christmas and his effing reindeers. Though L’Internationale has been drowned out by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, that hint of red should serve to alert. It’s the reindeer with the red proboscis children are taught to love. And the star atop your Christmas tree? Seen the one atop the Kremlin?
Soon Father Christmas will rise from his underground base in the Arctic like a missile rising from its silo - to launch his attack on every western city. He’ll fly under the radar. No jets will take off to shoot the commie bastard down. No Star Wars barrier will activate. Nothing to stop him dropping a nuke down the White House chimney. Don’t let your kiddies near him. Blast him out of the skies.