Nights that you just begin to think...
Sometimes you just sit and think and wonder where things are going and how things will end up with the choices you have made now. And I just take a deep breath and look back over the past few years. I think of the choices that I faced, the mistakes that I made and the victories that I have obtained, the goals I have reached, and the dreams I have seen come true. I will say that my life has not been an easy one, but it has been full and eventful and I don't regret a single thing that has come my way.
I write this to really lay things out in front of me, I've proved that I can do anything I want to, break away from the molds whenever I want to. I want to remind myself that I know who I am, that I have the strength to take what I am given and to turn it into the best. I want myself to know that I have all of the time in the world to do whatever I want to with my life. I want to remind myself that life is out there for me to go where ever and end up where ever I want to.
No one and nothing controls my actions. I know there are things that for the moment tie me down and always make me rethink my choices, but in the end of the day I have to live my life for me. Now that this is said-
I have the choice of going to school right now for my business degree, but I know to live in this country to prosper more so than I'm doing now I need to speak the language a lot better, but for me some reason I just tend to think that I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do. And this makes me shudder, knowing I have to do something.
In 2004 I had just finished school for what I almost considered to be the final time. I was fed up with it all and just didn't want to have anything else with it. But then- I started work and fell in love with the job- I worked only 3 days a week and made decent money for Mississippi and had alot of free time for myself. I loved it- then a month after starting work, I started making payments on my first car a 2001 Nissan Altima.
That car was the start of so much for me, my freedom, my independence, many things I had wanted for years but did not think I would be able to have. It was during that time, I started to come out of my cocoon, to feel better about the person I was, and to develop my wings. I had all but moved out of my parents home for the second time at this point (aside from moving away to college.) Then I had that god-forsaken wreck.
I keep reminding myself of this day, because I look back over the last two years and see how far I have come again, how far I have brought myself. I've come to another country, made a home and a life for myself. I have been here for nearly two years- and have flourished. I've regained my independence, my self-confidence, and have just grown even more so than I did two years ago. And I'm happy this time, truly happy- instead of just hiding behind a mask that I wore.
I write this to remind myself that I can tackle anything at any time and that I need to finish what I've started. So what if I have all but unofficially decided to postpone school another year- I'm only 22. Life is just now starting again. And as much as I've been through I know I can always just go somewhere else and start over and flourish.
For now, I'm going to sit back and enjoy what is going on in my life now. Besides I am just finishing my class and starting again in July. I want to see what else I can do and see if I can go any further in my job- who knows I might get a chance go to Italy for a month in August/September. Now that would be awesome :).
But anyway, back to living life and doing things the way I want to..This was just a reminder to myself. I can do anything I want to- when I want to.. I've lived enough to prove that.
I write this to really lay things out in front of me, I've proved that I can do anything I want to, break away from the molds whenever I want to. I want to remind myself that I know who I am, that I have the strength to take what I am given and to turn it into the best. I want myself to know that I have all of the time in the world to do whatever I want to with my life. I want to remind myself that life is out there for me to go where ever and end up where ever I want to.
No one and nothing controls my actions. I know there are things that for the moment tie me down and always make me rethink my choices, but in the end of the day I have to live my life for me. Now that this is said-
I have the choice of going to school right now for my business degree, but I know to live in this country to prosper more so than I'm doing now I need to speak the language a lot better, but for me some reason I just tend to think that I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do. And this makes me shudder, knowing I have to do something.
In 2004 I had just finished school for what I almost considered to be the final time. I was fed up with it all and just didn't want to have anything else with it. But then- I started work and fell in love with the job- I worked only 3 days a week and made decent money for Mississippi and had alot of free time for myself. I loved it- then a month after starting work, I started making payments on my first car a 2001 Nissan Altima.
That car was the start of so much for me, my freedom, my independence, many things I had wanted for years but did not think I would be able to have. It was during that time, I started to come out of my cocoon, to feel better about the person I was, and to develop my wings. I had all but moved out of my parents home for the second time at this point (aside from moving away to college.) Then I had that god-forsaken wreck.
I keep reminding myself of this day, because I look back over the last two years and see how far I have come again, how far I have brought myself. I've come to another country, made a home and a life for myself. I have been here for nearly two years- and have flourished. I've regained my independence, my self-confidence, and have just grown even more so than I did two years ago. And I'm happy this time, truly happy- instead of just hiding behind a mask that I wore.
I write this to remind myself that I can tackle anything at any time and that I need to finish what I've started. So what if I have all but unofficially decided to postpone school another year- I'm only 22. Life is just now starting again. And as much as I've been through I know I can always just go somewhere else and start over and flourish.
For now, I'm going to sit back and enjoy what is going on in my life now. Besides I am just finishing my class and starting again in July. I want to see what else I can do and see if I can go any further in my job- who knows I might get a chance go to Italy for a month in August/September. Now that would be awesome :).
But anyway, back to living life and doing things the way I want to..This was just a reminder to myself. I can do anything I want to- when I want to.. I've lived enough to prove that.