Does anyone hear me?
Think about putting down roots. That doesn't necessarily mean staying in one place. It does mean thinking about an area of your life where you need to make a commitment. Now take one step toward making it real.
~Libra Horoscope for 08/Oct/06
Woah, very serious thing to write about today, especially when my mind is definitely in this kind of state. Yikes. But anyway, think of putting down roots. That to me indicates something in my life is calling out that its time for me to focus my full attention to it. Work is the only thing that I am passionate about right now with that kind of attention. Well that isn't true, but work is what my future relies on right now.
Noone understands my job, somedays, I wonder if I understand my job. But the thing is, I am learning my job, to the best of my ability. I know I screw up with it. Quite a bit, but learning is part of this process, and I know how far I can go with this career and where it can take me. The Oil Industry is huge out there, I also know that there is so much I can do with my interest in it. I'm going to take shipping classes, engineering classes, I want to learn as much about this as I can. Alot of it; I just have to be with Kim quite a bit. And most of the time that is okay. Luckily. Because I am learning tons from her; sometimes I screw up and try her patience, but I think it is at the point now she and I know where to stand with each other.. I think...
Yet, staying in one place. That idea bothers me more than I let anyone realize. Ah well, I'll learn eventually to settle down and stay in one place even if I know it bothers me. I think. But how do you teach your spirit to go against something it believes in? How do you make yourself become something that you aren't sure if you want to be? Settled down. Not in the literal sense of the word, because my heart is already where it belongs. But my self, my inner self cries for more than this life has to offer. And it is noone's fault, not even my own. It is just the way it is.
Yet there is something I realize that is steady in my life, and that is my loyalty to my friends. My love for them exceeds anything else in life. And I know without a doubt it will always be that way. Because one thing I know- they stand with me no matter my choices, no matter where my heart takes me, no matter where my wandering feet my go. The impact they have made on me in the years, the things they have taught me, the strength they have given me in my weakest of times. And hopefully the things I have been able to leave with them. No matter what life will bring.
There is one person in my life who holds my heart undoubtably, who throughout the years has been there, stood beside me, who has been my strength in times when I didn't know any better. The comment "Hindsight is 20/20." This relationship follows it, because after the years, I tried to deny it, I tried to run from it. Yet the strength, the love was there. And now, it just is. Something I don't try to run from anymore. I just lean on it, and gain strength from it. Something I don't plan on changing in the meantime.
I know I get restless and I know my entries have a habit of going from being hopeless, of full of love, of changing emotions so fast that they do not make any sense. Some people, I know, cannot follow them at all. I do not ask that you follow them. I just ask that you read my heart without judgement. I am as honest as I dare to be. Some things do just not belong on an entry on paper for the entire world to read.
Those things will be forever locked in my heart, to get lost, to be remembered in my dreams. To be there for only my spirit to know. Those things I will not share. I cannot share. I cannot ask myself to be that open with everyone. I can say this though- the eyes are the window to the soul, yet the fingers are my soul's way of talking. When I write, when I have that chance of letting my thoughts run out, they come out complete.
But one last thing- a conversation went on about one of the people closest to my heart. About how when I had seen him come back from Iraq how hard he was, how a very important peice of him was missing. His peace, his tranquility. And how his wife helped bring it back to him, and how grateful I was to her for being able to do it. Because I was afraid I would see him the same for years to come.. Now he awaits the birth of his first daughter, and in just days too... How she has become his strength, his joy, his pain in life. Her thought is that he will not survive Iraq again if he thinks that she will not survive on the home front- I told her not to let him know that there would be no way for her to survive. That for him to know, that at the end of the day, she would be okay. She would be standing strong, waiting on him to return. Without batting an eyelash. It was my best advice to her. Because I know she has an inner strength to her that very few people have. I'm proud of her for what she has been able to do; and will be able to accomplish.
~Libra Horoscope for 08/Oct/06
Woah, very serious thing to write about today, especially when my mind is definitely in this kind of state. Yikes. But anyway, think of putting down roots. That to me indicates something in my life is calling out that its time for me to focus my full attention to it. Work is the only thing that I am passionate about right now with that kind of attention. Well that isn't true, but work is what my future relies on right now.
Noone understands my job, somedays, I wonder if I understand my job. But the thing is, I am learning my job, to the best of my ability. I know I screw up with it. Quite a bit, but learning is part of this process, and I know how far I can go with this career and where it can take me. The Oil Industry is huge out there, I also know that there is so much I can do with my interest in it. I'm going to take shipping classes, engineering classes, I want to learn as much about this as I can. Alot of it; I just have to be with Kim quite a bit. And most of the time that is okay. Luckily. Because I am learning tons from her; sometimes I screw up and try her patience, but I think it is at the point now she and I know where to stand with each other.. I think...
Yet, staying in one place. That idea bothers me more than I let anyone realize. Ah well, I'll learn eventually to settle down and stay in one place even if I know it bothers me. I think. But how do you teach your spirit to go against something it believes in? How do you make yourself become something that you aren't sure if you want to be? Settled down. Not in the literal sense of the word, because my heart is already where it belongs. But my self, my inner self cries for more than this life has to offer. And it is noone's fault, not even my own. It is just the way it is.
Yet there is something I realize that is steady in my life, and that is my loyalty to my friends. My love for them exceeds anything else in life. And I know without a doubt it will always be that way. Because one thing I know- they stand with me no matter my choices, no matter where my heart takes me, no matter where my wandering feet my go. The impact they have made on me in the years, the things they have taught me, the strength they have given me in my weakest of times. And hopefully the things I have been able to leave with them. No matter what life will bring.
There is one person in my life who holds my heart undoubtably, who throughout the years has been there, stood beside me, who has been my strength in times when I didn't know any better. The comment "Hindsight is 20/20." This relationship follows it, because after the years, I tried to deny it, I tried to run from it. Yet the strength, the love was there. And now, it just is. Something I don't try to run from anymore. I just lean on it, and gain strength from it. Something I don't plan on changing in the meantime.
I know I get restless and I know my entries have a habit of going from being hopeless, of full of love, of changing emotions so fast that they do not make any sense. Some people, I know, cannot follow them at all. I do not ask that you follow them. I just ask that you read my heart without judgement. I am as honest as I dare to be. Some things do just not belong on an entry on paper for the entire world to read.
Those things will be forever locked in my heart, to get lost, to be remembered in my dreams. To be there for only my spirit to know. Those things I will not share. I cannot share. I cannot ask myself to be that open with everyone. I can say this though- the eyes are the window to the soul, yet the fingers are my soul's way of talking. When I write, when I have that chance of letting my thoughts run out, they come out complete.
But one last thing- a conversation went on about one of the people closest to my heart. About how when I had seen him come back from Iraq how hard he was, how a very important peice of him was missing. His peace, his tranquility. And how his wife helped bring it back to him, and how grateful I was to her for being able to do it. Because I was afraid I would see him the same for years to come.. Now he awaits the birth of his first daughter, and in just days too... How she has become his strength, his joy, his pain in life. Her thought is that he will not survive Iraq again if he thinks that she will not survive on the home front- I told her not to let him know that there would be no way for her to survive. That for him to know, that at the end of the day, she would be okay. She would be standing strong, waiting on him to return. Without batting an eyelash. It was my best advice to her. Because I know she has an inner strength to her that very few people have. I'm proud of her for what she has been able to do; and will be able to accomplish.