It is what it is....

[sasseebuttrfly]

Time for a nervous breakdown. And no, not because I want to; but because things that happen to me could only seriously happen in a book. You know the basics of the last year- which we will go further into this later.. However, I got called on Saturday night that my grandfather was found dead in his front yard. Shot to death. And this was no accident either from what I understand. This was deliberate, planned and in cold murder. No arrests have yet been made, nor is anyone sure who did it. Too much stacks up; too much happening... I have reached the end of what is my ability to tolerate bade news, to stay strong on my own, to be able to handle things. I cried my eyes out wanting to go home, to my family, to what has been the place I have known for years. Since then I haven't been able to sleep, to eat, I haven't been able to function or to manage.. It's all I can do to keep my head above water... I've called into work sick; I've shut everyone out.. I can pretend I'm okay but truth of the matter is- I'm not. I'm hurt, I'm broken, I'm alone....

I am a person who prefers to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I believe if you work your ass off things will come... But sometimes, just sometimes, mental sanity needs get first priority- and for the first time in as many years.. I'm calling it. I'm making sure I am taken care instead of loosing my head.. What this pertains to yet, I don't know... I'll know more as time goes on.. For now.. need prayers of being able to keep it together for the coming days..... Need sanity in a moment of craziness....