CHOHW - Seven
Nanaimo, British Columbia, 2012 AD
“What do you mean, we took the wrong ferry?” Jared was developing a squeak in his voice that he was worried meant the onset of a stroke.
“Well, they both leave from the same place; one goes to Victoria, and one goes…here.” Chad looked around at their surroundings and then back down at the map.
“You mean that idiot had a fifty-fifty shot of getting us on the right boat and he couldn’t even do that?” Chris screamed.
Chad punched the side of the van and took off towards a line of shops. Everyone had pushed past the point of amicable camaraderie and dived headfirst into potential bloodshed.
Sophia belted her brother in the arm. “Don’t be such a dick.”
Jared threw his arms up and slumped against the van, his face cradled in his hands.
“Why don’t we find somewhere to stay tonight and start fresh tomorrow?”
Jared glanced over his shoulder at Jensen. “Tomorrow? Why?”
“Well, it’s a few hours back down the coast to Victoria, and…we need a rest. All of us.”
Jared’s mind immediately went to the back of the bus. It was really not a good idea for him and Jensen to spend the night locked up in a confined space, alone or otherwise. “Where are we going to go?”
Adrianne stepped forward. “The kid in the gas station suggested a campground a few minutes from here.”
Jared glared at her. Just because he and Jensen on a horizontal surface was a bad idea didn’t mean he wanted to erase it from the realm of possibility, and it was so much easier to take his anger out on someone else. “So now you’re helping?”
Genevieve grabbed his arm. “Jared-”
“Whatever, I don’t care. Let’s go.”
…
…
“Why are we slowing down?”
Chad gestured out the windshield as he pulled the bus over. “There’s a girl on the road.”
“And we’re stopping, why? The last time we ran into someone in the road, he tried to kill us.”
Chad stared at Jared in disbelief. “Dude, she’s hot.”
He got out and approached the small blonde standing in front of the bus. Jared leaned further forward in the passenger seat. Okay. She was kind of cute.
Seconds later, Chad was on his way back with the girl in tow. He jumped up onto the bus and held out his hand to help her climb the steps. “Guys, this is-”
“Isis,” Jensen said, standing up.
Chad shook his head. “No, she said her name was Alona.”
“Isis?” Jared squeaked. Misha was predictably prone on the floor in front of the goddess.
“Yes, honey.” The tone of her voice belied someone much older than her body implied. Which, when Jared thought about it, duh.
He had a million things he wanted to ask her, but all he could manage was: “Why?”
Isis laughed. “Oh, I bet you ask that question a lot.”
There was a nod of assent from the rest of the group; Jared glared at them all. Crossing his arms, he slouched in his seat, not pouting. No matter what the protrusion of his bottom lip might lead others to believe.
Isis sat next to him and lifted his face to look in his eyes. A small light rose from her palm and engulfed his face; she smiled and breathed out. “I thought so.”
“Thought what? What is with you gods touching me with all this light and stuff? That needs to stop.” That damn electrical current was back. He was getting blood tests, an MRI, and an ophthalmological exam. He didn’t even know what that was, but he’d find a doctor willing to run an entire battery of tests if it was the last thing he did.
“You can’t tell me you haven’t figured out there’s something different about you, Jared.”
She seemed like a perfectly kind and gentle goddess. Jared was having none of that. “Listen, bitch, there’s nothing different about me.”
“You are the Ameny.”
Chris hummed. “Well, you have always been too tall.”
Jared stood up and shook her off. “You shut up. I’m just trying to find my brother, not start a war.”
Isis sat back and regarded him gently “Jared. You’re not starting a war.”
“But you just said- You know what, I’m sick of all this ‘gods’ shit. You’re all a bunch of useless hacks. You,” he poking his finger at her chest, “can go fuck yourself!”
Before he could blink, Jared found himself sliding down the wall at the back of the bus. He lay there as Isis crouched in front of him. “You should be more respectful. The next time you so much as raise your voice to me, I will shove my foot so far up your ass you’ll never find the heel… But, I understand.”
Jared pulled his legs up against his chest. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“I didn’t do anything. Ra unlocked it. I’m pretty sure that was an accident, which is probably why he sent you to Osiris. It’s common knowledge that the Ennead want the Ameny’s head on a chopping block. I should know; I helped draft the press release.”
“Why didn’t he kill me? Why don’t you?”
“Are you kidding, we’ve been waiting millennia for you to take Bastet down a few pegs.”
Jared sat up and pressed his forehead to his knees, his arms crossed over his ankles. “I don’t want to go to war.”
Isis carded her fingers through his hair. “Sweetie, you’re already in the war. You need to finish it.”
“How? I can’t just go kill a god.” Jared knew he was being petulant. He just didn’t care. “Two, even.”
“It’s your destiny.”
“I’m not…equipped.”
“You won’t even know what you’re capable of until you embrace your true nature.”
Jared stared at her. Why had he gotten stuck with the new age self help goddess? “I don’t know how.”
“You will. You have exactly what you need right under your nose.”
Jared glanced down at his shirt.
“No, you idiot, it’s inside you already. Little bits of power swimming around in there. Now get your butt off that floor and quit acting like a two-year-old before I open up a can of whoop-ass.”
Misha raised his hand. “I don’t think that term is actually relevant in modern vernacular anymore.”
Isis looked at him and Misha dropped to the floor, unconscious. Standing up, she slapped her hands together and headed for the front of the bus. “Move over, squinty, I’m driving.”
…
…
This was…awkward.
Jared lay face down on a mat, naked, as Isis straddled his ass. Yes, she was attractive, but the longer this went on, the more he was assured that his hormones decidedly favoured a more masculine anatomy. Maybe specifically Jensen’s anatomy, but in any event, being naked with a girl perched on top of him and not even being remotely aroused was pretty embarrassing.
He wasn’t sure what to think. On the one hand, he didn’t want to offend Isis by reacting like the horny teenager he was while she was trying to unlock his latent abilities. On the other, he didn’t want to insult her by not being attracted at all. It was a conundrum.
Isis smacked him in the back of the head. “Concentrate, dammit. I don’t give a flying fig newton if you want me or not.”
Jared sighed and cradled his face on his arms. Right. Concentrate.
“On what?”
“There‘s a door in your mind that you need to open. Visualize the door.”
“That’s stupid.”
“Jared, I am going to string you up by your intestines in about two minutes if you can’t get your shit together.”
“Okay! Fine. Door. Visualizing.”
Jared closed his eyes and imagined a door. A large wooden door. It needed a key. An ancient brass key. On a rope. A rope made of braided leather. Like a whip. A whip was used to beat people. Paddles were used for the same thing. Paddles were used on bare asses. Jensen had a very nice bare ass.
Isis smacked him on the back of the head.
…
…
Chad grinned. He was tallish; not as tall as Jared, of course, but he could be seen as a challenge. He stepped aside and Adrianne stepped forward. In two seconds, she’d smashed the heel of her hand into his nose and swept his feet out from under him. Combat training: not as much fun as the brochures might lead you to believe.
Jensen crouched down beside him. “She’s the best. Why did you think she was here?”
It had been days since they had checked into the campground, and so far, all he had to show for his time was bruised ribs and black eyes.
Sitting cross legged on a tree stump, Isis clapped her hands together. Chad had taken to calling her “Yoda” behind her back; Jared couldn’t say he disagreed. “You all have a purpose,” she said. “You, Kebechet, are his heart and council. You, Nefertem, are his strength and spirit. He is nothing without you. Everyone sit in a circle.”
Jared sat in the middle of the circle with his eyes closed. He cracked one eye open and winced when Misha glared at him. If they started to play Duck, Duck, Goose, he was leaving.
“Okay. I want all of you to center your thoughts. Push your soul out to Jared.”
This was stupid. No way in hell this was going to…
Jared’s head fell back. It was working. He felt all the tendrils of each person’s essence wrap around his body, lifting him. It was really freaking weird. In a recessed part of his mind, he knew he was standing, but he couldn’t say how he had gotten there. He felt heartbeats around him, rushes of air as bodies came close. He felt them all fall. Opening his eyes, he stared at the Nefertem slumped over around the circle.
“Whoa.”
“Okay, Keanu.” Isis pulled him away. “Let’s get the rest opened.”
…
…
“Judgement light?”
“Yes, it’s-what? What’s with the face?”
Jared shrugged and shifted. “Nothing.” He peeked up at Isis from under his bangs. She had been drawing patterns on his back, but at his gaze, she stood and moved in front of him. Her arms were crossed and she looked every bit the mother figure of legend, right down to the tapping foot and arched eyebrow.
“It’s fine. I was just kind of hoping for something…less lame.”
“Like what? Laser beams from your eyes? Super strength? Gills?”
“No.” He huffed. “Maybe.”
Isis shook her head and came back to crouch behind him. “You’re not a comic book super hero. You’re an Egyptian legend, and we do not wear spandex. Ever.”
Jared nodded and tried not to flinch every time the brush touched his back. It tickled. “What are you doing back there, anyway?”
“I’m creating a…kind of like a portal. You obviously aren’t going to be able get there by yourself, and you’re running out of time.”
“A portal? In henna? What the fuck is going to come out of my back?”
“Nothing. Okay, not a portal. Forget portal. You know, this was so much easier before television. No one argued. It was all, ‘Yes Goddess, whatever you say, Goddess.’” She sighed. “It’s going to unlock the last of your abilities.”
“The judge-y light? Okay, fine, but it’s going to be hard to strike fear in the hearts of my enemies by telling them that I’m sitting over here in the corner quietly judging them.”
“You’re not going to-” Isis dug her fingernails into his shoulders and dropped her forehead onto his back like she was praying for patience.
“Once you learn how to control it, you’ll be able to find every nasty, evil thing a being has ever thought or done in their mind; that’s the judgement. The light gives you the power to burn it out of them. If they have more good, they’ll survive, but if the scales tip the other way…”
“How do I know if it worked?”
Isis slapped him on the back and Jared’s whole body locked up. He couldn’t see anything but a bright white flame; every soul in the world crashed against his mind. He saw every evil thought and deed everyone in the history of the world had ever committed. Jared scrabbled at his throat; he couldn’t breathe, it was too much-
The flames grew higher, and higher, and the world went black.
…
…
“Dude. That is totally a porn star tattoo.”
“I swear to the gods, Chad, if you call me ‘dude’ one more time…”
Jared sat up and stared at Chad and Adrianne. He felt…off.
Chad grinned and shoved his shoulder. “You’re awake.”
Adrianne snorted. “Thank you, Captain Obvious. How are you feeling, Ameny?”
Jared glared at her. “Don’t call me that. I’m still me, and I, Jared, feel like I’ve been run over by a truck.”
Rolling off the bed, he headed for the mirror. He looked tired, but other than that, no different than before Isis had whammied him. He stared at his hands. There was an energy running under his fingertips. He couldn’t see it, but he felt it; closing his eyes, he concentrated on that and felt it roll over his body. It was warm. Like a hot shower on a cold day.
“Holy shit. You’re totally glowing.”
Jared spun around and looked at Chad, then down at his hands and chest. Sure enough, a white glow emanated from his skin. Jared sighed; he looked like a Christmas tree. No matter what Isis said, he was going to be the most lame-ass superhero ever. Taking a deep breath, he pulled the power back in until it was just left in his fingertips; he had a feeling he was going to be the king of electric shocks for a while.
“I told you to come get me when he woke up.”
Jared looked over at Jensen, who stood in the doorway. Jared slumped back against the dresser. He could kind of use a hug right now, but he wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to ask. Jensen glanced at the others and then made the decision for him, crossing the room to gather Jared up in his arms and hold him.
Jared clung tight and laid his face against Jensen’s shoulders, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. It was too much. Hundreds of truly evil ideas were rushing around in his brain, and he had no idea how to make them stop. All he knew for sure was that there were some priests in Kansas that he had to visit, and it wasn’t going to be pretty for anyone.
He felt Jensen stiffen and glanced up inquiringly; Jensen tried to hide a shocked expression. Jared watched him for a moment and realized that Jensen’s gaze kept straying to the mirror behind him. He reached for a hand mirror that sat on the dresser; employing a trick his sister used to check the back of her hair, he had a perfect view of the reflection of his back. His jaw dropped.
“That’s not henna.”
Painted on his skin in what looked like permanent black ink was a tattoo spanning from shoulder to shoulder and halfway down his back. Long wings rode his shoulders, almost touching his neck; in the middle was an Ankh and beneath that were the heads of a jackal and a cat.
“Son of a bitch.“
“Totally porn star, right?”
Jared glared at Chad.
…
…
Jared came around the corner of the bus and stood for a moment, watching Adrianne stand with her her face raised to the sun.
“I understand that Bastet has a female consort as well,” he said, coming up beside her. Her shrug was all the answer he needed. “I didn’t realize until this morning. You were always disappearing to use your phone. It wasn’t until the accident that you stopped, when Bastet threw you to the wolves...or jackals, I guess. Do you know where my brother is?”
Adrianne glanced sideways and dropped her shoulders. “Yes. I do.”
Jared nodded and looked out at the trees. His fingertips tingled, but he cut off the urge to touch her. “Bastet has them.”
Adrianne sighed. “You don’t understand what it’s like to be her beloved. I don’t know how Jensen was strong enough to… I guess the Ameny trumps the goddess, huh.”
“How far did they make it?”
“They didn’t get out of the city.”
Jared stared at the toe of his shoe.
“Did Jensen know?”
“Yes.”
Jared lifted his hand towards Adrianne’s face, judgement light sparking off his fingertips. Adrianne closed her eyes and leaned closer to him.
“Whoa there, Chewbacca. Hold up.”
Jared clenched his fist and turned towards Chad, who was bounding towards them like a puppy on speed.
Jared was…annoyed. “Chewbacca? Really?”
“Totally Chewbacca. Chris and Sophia can be Luke and Leia. It’s perfect.”
Jared stared incredulous. Some psychiatrist would make a fortune trying to unlock the secrets of how Chad’s brain worked. “What does that make you? An Ewok?”
“I’m Han Solo,” Chad said, puffing out his chest.
“How the hell…? Never mind.” Jared headed for the bus. He had some packing to do.
“You aren’t gonna ask who Jensen is?” There was something distinctly smug about the way Chad asked the question.
“Darth fucking Vader,” Jared shouted over his shoulder. Chad could take his smug little theories and shove them up his-
“No, man.” Chad came running up behind him. “Jensen can’t be Darth Vader. Did you even watch the movie?”
“Yes I watched the-” Jared took a deep calming breath. “Okay, Chad. Who is Jensen?”
“Lando Calrissian.” Chad stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels.
Jared rolled his eyes. “The guy who betrayed them all? Yeah, I can see that.”
“He also saved them all. Jared. You. Okay, it’s like this: You can’t see the big picture because you’re too close, but once you get some perspective, everything is going to make sense. Right now, you’re inside the map.”
“Inside the… Wait, is that a Friends reference? Do you do anything but watch television?”
Chad dropped all pretence of friendliness and sobered instantly. “You have no idea what Jensen has done. For you.”
“I don’t have time to walk in anybody else’s shoes, Chad. Right now, I have to save my family, kill a few gods, and finish a war that’s been gods-knows-how-long in the making. If Jensen wants me to know where he’s at in this thing, then he can open up his big fat mouth and fucking telling me!”
Pissed off beyond telling, Jared shoved Chad aside.
The abrupt violence didn’t stop Chad from calling after him: “Misha’s the Ewok.”
…
…
“We’re going home.” Jared had already thrown his pack into the bus before he went to gather up his friends with only a short pause in momentum to shove Jensen into the fire pit. He figured it was an effective non-verbal way of informing the Nefertem they could find their own way back.
“Jared, be reasonable. You need us. You’re not going to last five minutes against Bastet without us.” Apparently, Jensen was finally using his words just as Jared had seen the error of his ways and given them up. Emotional outbursts were highly overrated, and yet-
“You know what, Jensen, fuck you! You’ve been lying to me this whole time!”
Jensen shook his head; Jared had never actually seen someone vibrate in place until now. “I never lied to you!”
“Omission is the same thing. You knew. You knew all along where they were and you just let me drive all the way to another fucking country.” Adrianne cleared her throat but otherwise kept out of it. Jared poked Jensen in the chest. “You. Fuck. Just stay away from me.”
Jensen grabbed his arm and Jared pulled back, his elbow connecting with Jensen’s face.
“Kebechet only, get on the bus!”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
A man with light hair and yellow eyes stood between Jared and the bus.
Enough. Everything was just enough. “Who the fuck are you?” Jared snarled, his lips curling away from his teeth.
Isis materialized next to him with a soft sigh. “Wadjet.”
His friends’ voices chattered through the air around him.
“I thought Wadjet was a girl.”
“Are you going to debate gender norms with the big scary snake guy?”
“Jared, you’re the Ameny, do something.”
Jared glared at Sophia and gritted his teeth. “What would you like me to do?”
“Crush him with your super ninja skills,” Chad called.
“That took me like an hour of mediation, dumbass, I can’t just-shit!”
Jared flew through air, his back smashing into a tree as he was pinned there. Dumbfounded and unable to move, he could only watch all three Nefertem attack as one smooth unit. As pissed as he was, Jared couldn’t help but think they were doing it for him. To protect him. They lasted longer than the Kebechet would have by about three seconds before they were laid out on the ground, coughing and holding their stomachs. It was the thought that counted.
Wadjet surveyed the circle, not a hair out of place. “You will all bleed.” Wadjet lifted his hand and Christian and Sophia both started choking.
“Hey asshole!” Jared called. “Yeah, you ugly motherfucker.”
Wadjet tilted his head away from Chris and Sophia. He drifted towards Jared and laid his hand on top of Jared’s head.
“So pretty.”
His eyes were doing the same freaky lizard thing as the last snake guy Jared had met.
“Let’s hear you scream.”
Jared kind of missed the forked tongue that made comprehensible speech impossible.
Wadjet slowly swiveled his head to survey the group on the ground. “I will dine on their flesh and blood tonight, and you will watch.”
Jared swallowed hard. “That’s just fucking nasty.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Isis wiggling her fingers at him. If she wasn’t going to help, she should just fuck off. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind than Jared felt the spiritual equivalent of a boot to the ass.
Oh. Right.
Jared slammed both of his hands against Wadjet’s chest and prayed. A bright flash tore out of his fingertips and slid into the snake god; Wadjet’s arms flew back and he hung in midair, light shooting from his eyes and ears. Jared closed his eyes and pushed with that invisible force, and Wadjet exploded into dust around him.
Jared crumpled to the ground and Jensen flew across the clearing towards him. Jared threw his sparking hands up, warding Jensen off. “Don’t touch me.”
…
…
“Dude, it was like the Highlander. So cool.” Chad shook his head in awe as he climbed on the bus.
“Will you come with us?” Jared asked Isis.
“I can’t. Not my fight. But you have my blessing.” She wrapped her fingers around his wrist and Jared felt a flash of pain; the eye of Udjat now stood in stark relief against his skin.
“I’m starting to look like a biker.”
Jared kissed her cheek and moved towards the bus. He was so far out of his element that it wasn’t even funny. He had reassessed his idea to leave the Nefertem behind, though; it was equal parts keeping his enemies close and keeping around a powerful guard detail. For once, it had nothing to do with Jensen.
“Ameny? You come back. When you’ve succeeded, you come back.”
Jared held the door open and grinned at the goddess. “You seem pretty sure I’m going to win.”
“It would ruin the ending if you didn’t.”
Chapter Eight