(no subject)
Ok so here's the skinny. I am in love with the most wonderful man I have ever met. We met in high school through friends. Over the last five years we have floated in and out of contact. For as long as I have known him there was something between us, but he was always dating this other girl. So I get a call a few months ago that they aren't together. My heart jumps, I literally almost drive off the road, and we have been dating ever since.
But, something is bothering me. They had so much history and he acts like it doesn't matter. What if she comes back and says that she wants to try again? How do I know that he isn't going to walk. I don't. So here I sit. Venting to an on-line journal, cause I can't talk to anyone else about it.
My so called best friend, either doesn't like the fact that Adrian and I are dating cause she wants him for herself, or she doesn't like it cause she is trying to be mother to me when we have drifted so far apart that she has no idea who I am anymore. I read her journal, she never once mentions me there. Kind of funny, I'm supposed to be her best friend, but I find out more about her from her journal than from conversations I have with her.
Anyway, back to the matter at hand, I made the mistake of reading his journal. One of the last entries was about how his X was the love of his life. Shouldn't have done that. Makes me sick to even think about it. I want so badly to be that person. I have wanted to be that person for years and have come close a few times just to be left in the dust.
I can't imagine what it would be like to go back and not be with him. I dont want to know. Like I said before I've never felt this right in my life. Then why do I feel so scared?
But, something is bothering me. They had so much history and he acts like it doesn't matter. What if she comes back and says that she wants to try again? How do I know that he isn't going to walk. I don't. So here I sit. Venting to an on-line journal, cause I can't talk to anyone else about it.
My so called best friend, either doesn't like the fact that Adrian and I are dating cause she wants him for herself, or she doesn't like it cause she is trying to be mother to me when we have drifted so far apart that she has no idea who I am anymore. I read her journal, she never once mentions me there. Kind of funny, I'm supposed to be her best friend, but I find out more about her from her journal than from conversations I have with her.
Anyway, back to the matter at hand, I made the mistake of reading his journal. One of the last entries was about how his X was the love of his life. Shouldn't have done that. Makes me sick to even think about it. I want so badly to be that person. I have wanted to be that person for years and have come close a few times just to be left in the dust.
I can't imagine what it would be like to go back and not be with him. I dont want to know. Like I said before I've never felt this right in my life. Then why do I feel so scared?