ughhhh
so here it is, the dreaded entry about the breakup. i still can't even believe it happened. well, i guess after a week and a half i can now. after months of letting me believe everything was fine, great actually, he calls me one night and tells me he doesn't see a future and that he'll never love me as much as i love him. probably the two sentences i always dreaded coming out of his mouth. i'm still stepping on tiny pieces of the broken glass from smashing the framed photos of us at the cape. so now what? one minute i'm in a seemingly great 3 1/2 year relationship and the next i'm single again? he just gave me a 3 stone diamond necklace. he just sent me flowers for valentines day. and apparently it was all an act as he stewed over in his head how long he was going to drag on a relationship he didn't want to be in. he said everytime we were together he felt bad. gross. maybe all this time he never really loved me. or maybe he just couldn't take the pressure of a relationship that he knew i wanted to last forever. at this point, it doesnt really matter. i'm so angry at him for putting me through this same bullshit again that i hate him. which is fine all day long, until i go to sleep and dream about being with him, or him asking me to come back. i hate those dreams because they only make me weaker. i'm determined to show him this time that he really fucked this up. he fucked up the best thing he's ever had, and no one is going to love him the way i do. the way i did. in the words of ashley white, telling me that i can still where the 3 stone necklace with a new meaning:
* fuck you
* fuck you more
* fuck you harder
she says if you just keep saying it eventually you believe it. here's to hoping. in the meantime i'm in the market for a hot guy who's going to shower me with the attention i deserve. i can't believe he made me so vulnerable that i begged him to stay with me. i hate him because i love him so much that i felt like i couldn't live without him. fuck that. i'm still here. i'm fine. shit, i'm even smiling. thank god for the amazing people at clemson for putting that smile on my face. i came home with a new hope for a greater happiness than i could have ever gotten from him. oh yeah, and a hot umass guy's phone number.
* fuck you
* fuck you more
* fuck you harder
she says if you just keep saying it eventually you believe it. here's to hoping. in the meantime i'm in the market for a hot guy who's going to shower me with the attention i deserve. i can't believe he made me so vulnerable that i begged him to stay with me. i hate him because i love him so much that i felt like i couldn't live without him. fuck that. i'm still here. i'm fine. shit, i'm even smiling. thank god for the amazing people at clemson for putting that smile on my face. i came home with a new hope for a greater happiness than i could have ever gotten from him. oh yeah, and a hot umass guy's phone number.