Long Time
So it's been a long, long time.
I don't even know what I've been doing.
I moved back home and it's been FABULOUS.<---I say that with every ounce of sarcasm I can muster up.
It's never fun back in Salina.
I don't have a single person in this town, so it just blows, but I definitely don't wanna do Lawrence anymore.
I am just really, really ready to go away.
Far, far away.
Start over, meet new people, do my own thing, learn who I am again.
I'm in some serious need of healing, so I don't know how much more of this I can take.
I'm really just sticking it out for now so I can work and save up money, then it'll be easier to peace out.
So I've actually decided to just do a semester off and get my financial situation right and then go back to school in January, but it won't be KU.
I've actually gotten into a few places that I really like, it's just a matter of where I really wanna spend another 2 years(or however long).
I just really need to get away and start fresh.
I don't wanna be around any of the same people that I am currently around.
I don't wanna be doing the same things that I already do.
I'm not running away from anything.
If anything, I'm running to something that I've always needed.
My sanity, reality, freedom, change...so many things.
I was talking to my ex-boyfriend from years & years ago and it was honestly the best thing ever.
It's funny how so many years can change two people and it's almost like we fit better now because we've both grown up and we're actually friends now.
He is honestly one of the very few people in this world(it's literally like 2) that truly understand me and what I mean when I feel this way.
We actually were talking about how we both wanted to move to London and we even decided that we should do it together...providing we're both not in relationships at that time.
By that time, we're thinking like a year or so.
I know, it's right around the corner, but better late than never.
I guess the feelings never really subside, but that's a good thing, right?
It's like the one amicable breakup I've ever had and we're both better people because of it.
Who knows...
Anyways, I finally bought the new India Arie cd because she is the only musician who doesn't make me feel like I have to fit some standard of beauty that I absolutely cannot.
Does that make sense??
What I mean is that everything she rights actually means something and actually makes me feel like it's just enough being me and if people don't like that, oh well.
That's another thing I've been trying to find...my old self.
The person who DIDN'T care what people thought of her.
I was once really comfortable in who I was and that's all changed somehow in the past 2 years.
I think that is a really big reason why I wanna leave KU and Kansas so much.
I can find that person again and not have to worry about how my "friends" are going to perceive it because it's not what they knew.
Oh, that's another thing, I was talking to my friend Michael a few days ago and I vented about how I really don't think I have very good friends at all with the exceptions of like Sarah & Jen...and Jen tends to be on the fence because she still has a some growing up to do.
I feel like I have really self-centered friends.
Some conciously know, some unconciously just are.
Either way, it sucks.
I really, truly, believe that many of them are not gonna know that I'm not in Lawrence for awhile, or at least until they're like oh I wanna drink, where's Cece.
Isn't that sad that I think that?
It's sad because it's true.
Oh well, that's life.
It's better to just nip the situation in the bud.
Anyways, I'm gonna go to bed because Salina is lame, therefore I become lame.
So I'll listen to some India and pretend like my life DOESN'T suck.
Right...
I don't even know what I've been doing.
I moved back home and it's been FABULOUS.<---I say that with every ounce of sarcasm I can muster up.
It's never fun back in Salina.
I don't have a single person in this town, so it just blows, but I definitely don't wanna do Lawrence anymore.
I am just really, really ready to go away.
Far, far away.
Start over, meet new people, do my own thing, learn who I am again.
I'm in some serious need of healing, so I don't know how much more of this I can take.
I'm really just sticking it out for now so I can work and save up money, then it'll be easier to peace out.
So I've actually decided to just do a semester off and get my financial situation right and then go back to school in January, but it won't be KU.
I've actually gotten into a few places that I really like, it's just a matter of where I really wanna spend another 2 years(or however long).
I just really need to get away and start fresh.
I don't wanna be around any of the same people that I am currently around.
I don't wanna be doing the same things that I already do.
I'm not running away from anything.
If anything, I'm running to something that I've always needed.
My sanity, reality, freedom, change...so many things.
I was talking to my ex-boyfriend from years & years ago and it was honestly the best thing ever.
It's funny how so many years can change two people and it's almost like we fit better now because we've both grown up and we're actually friends now.
He is honestly one of the very few people in this world(it's literally like 2) that truly understand me and what I mean when I feel this way.
We actually were talking about how we both wanted to move to London and we even decided that we should do it together...providing we're both not in relationships at that time.
By that time, we're thinking like a year or so.
I know, it's right around the corner, but better late than never.
I guess the feelings never really subside, but that's a good thing, right?
It's like the one amicable breakup I've ever had and we're both better people because of it.
Who knows...
Anyways, I finally bought the new India Arie cd because she is the only musician who doesn't make me feel like I have to fit some standard of beauty that I absolutely cannot.
Does that make sense??
What I mean is that everything she rights actually means something and actually makes me feel like it's just enough being me and if people don't like that, oh well.
That's another thing I've been trying to find...my old self.
The person who DIDN'T care what people thought of her.
I was once really comfortable in who I was and that's all changed somehow in the past 2 years.
I think that is a really big reason why I wanna leave KU and Kansas so much.
I can find that person again and not have to worry about how my "friends" are going to perceive it because it's not what they knew.
Oh, that's another thing, I was talking to my friend Michael a few days ago and I vented about how I really don't think I have very good friends at all with the exceptions of like Sarah & Jen...and Jen tends to be on the fence because she still has a some growing up to do.
I feel like I have really self-centered friends.
Some conciously know, some unconciously just are.
Either way, it sucks.
I really, truly, believe that many of them are not gonna know that I'm not in Lawrence for awhile, or at least until they're like oh I wanna drink, where's Cece.
Isn't that sad that I think that?
It's sad because it's true.
Oh well, that's life.
It's better to just nip the situation in the bud.
Anyways, I'm gonna go to bed because Salina is lame, therefore I become lame.
So I'll listen to some India and pretend like my life DOESN'T suck.
Right...