what's left of me...
ok, so i've been really good for the past few weeks getting over tyler and what have you.
i had decided that if i wasn't going to be worth his time, he wasn't going to be worth anything to me.
ok, easier said than done.
it's really easy to put someone outta your mind and forget how much they actually hurt you when they aren't around in any way, shape or form.
ok, so i'd totally moved on(or so i'd thought) until i get online and bam, guess who is on??
none other than tyler himself and all of a sudden all of these unresolved feelings come back and i'm like is he even gonna attempt to talk to me so i can give him a piece of my mind?? of course not!!
so i forgot how much he really hurt me and didn't care about it and that just plain sucks.
i want to get past it, but it's really hard because i know that in order for me to fully let go and move on, i have to talk to him, but it's like he does this everytime we get to a good place.
he fucks it up. it's his thing i guess and he never let's me go so it's impossible for me to let him go because i'm always like "oh well, i do still love him"
i 100% gave myself to him and i don't even really know who i am anymore and i HATE that. HATE IT with a passion.
i used to be so sure of myself and what i liked, disliked. i knew who i was and all of a sudden, i start giving so much of myself away that i just lost myself.
it's not even just with guys, but even with some of my friends.
i know that's totally shitty and i'll be the first to tell you that.
i have cried over tyler so many times in the past month, it's completely ridiculous and it's because i feel like without him, i don't even know who i am anymore.
i hate to think that somewhere the definition of me got screwed up and i could only be definied by some other person.
i was really starting to realize that it wasn't me who messed up. i did everything and i gave and gave but he just didn't want me. of course he'll change his tune in time because he always does.
it's always "cece, i fucked up a good thing with you. i don't deserve you...blah blah blah" and i fall for it everytime.
well, take my word people, this is the last time.
if you want to be with me, you're gonna have to really bring your a game because i'm not just going to give and lose myself anymore.
i think that nick lachey(yes, i've been listening to his cd for the past like 3 days) said it best, so i'm gonna leave you with his words:
Resolution
Nothing but an empty page
Breathing in an open space
Captured by your moment's grace again
There's so much I left behind
Even more that waits in time
Everything's so undefined
I'm standing on the edge of my fear
And I see it clear
Here's my resolution
I'm letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just want to be the best woman I can be
Breathe, it's my resolution
Living life without him here
Finding solace where I stand
And learning how to love again
And all I want is something real
That I can feel
Here's my resolution
I'm letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just wanna be the best woman I can be
'Cause here's my resolution
I'm letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just wanna be the best woman I can be
Breathe, it's my resolution
My resolution
(Ooh oh oh)
it sucks, but i gotta let him go to find me again...
i had decided that if i wasn't going to be worth his time, he wasn't going to be worth anything to me.
ok, easier said than done.
it's really easy to put someone outta your mind and forget how much they actually hurt you when they aren't around in any way, shape or form.
ok, so i'd totally moved on(or so i'd thought) until i get online and bam, guess who is on??
none other than tyler himself and all of a sudden all of these unresolved feelings come back and i'm like is he even gonna attempt to talk to me so i can give him a piece of my mind?? of course not!!
so i forgot how much he really hurt me and didn't care about it and that just plain sucks.
i want to get past it, but it's really hard because i know that in order for me to fully let go and move on, i have to talk to him, but it's like he does this everytime we get to a good place.
he fucks it up. it's his thing i guess and he never let's me go so it's impossible for me to let him go because i'm always like "oh well, i do still love him"
i 100% gave myself to him and i don't even really know who i am anymore and i HATE that. HATE IT with a passion.
i used to be so sure of myself and what i liked, disliked. i knew who i was and all of a sudden, i start giving so much of myself away that i just lost myself.
it's not even just with guys, but even with some of my friends.
i know that's totally shitty and i'll be the first to tell you that.
i have cried over tyler so many times in the past month, it's completely ridiculous and it's because i feel like without him, i don't even know who i am anymore.
i hate to think that somewhere the definition of me got screwed up and i could only be definied by some other person.
i was really starting to realize that it wasn't me who messed up. i did everything and i gave and gave but he just didn't want me. of course he'll change his tune in time because he always does.
it's always "cece, i fucked up a good thing with you. i don't deserve you...blah blah blah" and i fall for it everytime.
well, take my word people, this is the last time.
if you want to be with me, you're gonna have to really bring your a game because i'm not just going to give and lose myself anymore.
i think that nick lachey(yes, i've been listening to his cd for the past like 3 days) said it best, so i'm gonna leave you with his words:
Resolution
Nothing but an empty page
Breathing in an open space
Captured by your moment's grace again
There's so much I left behind
Even more that waits in time
Everything's so undefined
I'm standing on the edge of my fear
And I see it clear
Here's my resolution
I'm letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just want to be the best woman I can be
Breathe, it's my resolution
Living life without him here
Finding solace where I stand
And learning how to love again
And all I want is something real
That I can feel
Here's my resolution
I'm letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just wanna be the best woman I can be
'Cause here's my resolution
I'm letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just wanna be the best woman I can be
Breathe, it's my resolution
My resolution
(Ooh oh oh)
it sucks, but i gotta let him go to find me again...