The eeyore that i was
i used to walk around life feeling beaten up and sometimes just waiting for the next blow. it was hard to realize how truly blessed (and loved) i was because all i could see were these obstacles, these storms that await me as i run forward. the wind was against my sail it seemed.
i was complaining about every single thing that was wrong in my life, thinking the minute all these are gone, i'll be happy. in the meantime i would hear about people who have "unlocked" the secrets to happiness. there's bo zanchez in his book "live simply" which was an exciting first read. then there are so many others who constantly assure you that life's interesting highs and lows are not meant to rob us of happiness, instead, we need to CHOOSE joy over and in the midst of all we encounter in this crazy world.
alright it sounds fair and simple, just choose right? i can do that (i think).
until i find myself deflecting a friend's relentless negativity and words of discouragement.
until i tune in to these thoughts in my head saying "it's never going to happen", "you're just not good enough", "you've made so much mistakes".
until a colleague brings upon her own burdens for everyone around her to carry.
until i see someone having to catch someone's slack (which truly bothers me), but hey, NOT MY PROBLEM (ideally).
until i have to watch over and over and over again the bad things that happen to good people. (i still wince).
and so the "key" to unlock happiness must be used not once but each time it is needed. i have had to let go of many many problems (especially those that weren't mine!) in order to find my way to this little place called "steady". i may fumble and i may be ever so willing to trade places with "erratic" but i try and stand my ground.
and in the end i think it's really what we do not what we say that matters. people SEE integrity, kindness and strength of character not in what you say but in what you DO. in the end i don't need to TELL anyone because i can SHOW it. i am as real as it gets, take it or leave it. because i have not wanted to change who i am to fit into someone's else's mold of a true friend or a kind person in such a long time. i am done pleasing people, i'm on my way to pleasing only Him. i will live each day trying to unlock these little secrets to finding joy in EVERYTHING, so excuse me for i will not go (and return) into the pits with you.
i was complaining about every single thing that was wrong in my life, thinking the minute all these are gone, i'll be happy. in the meantime i would hear about people who have "unlocked" the secrets to happiness. there's bo zanchez in his book "live simply" which was an exciting first read. then there are so many others who constantly assure you that life's interesting highs and lows are not meant to rob us of happiness, instead, we need to CHOOSE joy over and in the midst of all we encounter in this crazy world.
alright it sounds fair and simple, just choose right? i can do that (i think).
until i find myself deflecting a friend's relentless negativity and words of discouragement.
until i tune in to these thoughts in my head saying "it's never going to happen", "you're just not good enough", "you've made so much mistakes".
until a colleague brings upon her own burdens for everyone around her to carry.
until i see someone having to catch someone's slack (which truly bothers me), but hey, NOT MY PROBLEM (ideally).
until i have to watch over and over and over again the bad things that happen to good people. (i still wince).
and so the "key" to unlock happiness must be used not once but each time it is needed. i have had to let go of many many problems (especially those that weren't mine!) in order to find my way to this little place called "steady". i may fumble and i may be ever so willing to trade places with "erratic" but i try and stand my ground.
and in the end i think it's really what we do not what we say that matters. people SEE integrity, kindness and strength of character not in what you say but in what you DO. in the end i don't need to TELL anyone because i can SHOW it. i am as real as it gets, take it or leave it. because i have not wanted to change who i am to fit into someone's else's mold of a true friend or a kind person in such a long time. i am done pleasing people, i'm on my way to pleasing only Him. i will live each day trying to unlock these little secrets to finding joy in EVERYTHING, so excuse me for i will not go (and return) into the pits with you.