Fic: Darkest Dreaming
Title: Darkest Dreaming
Rating: T
Fandom: Donnie Darko
Summary: "If her heart was going to give out, she'd rather it be in private." The aftermath of Donnie's death.
Darkest Dreaming
“I don’t ever wanna be alone with all my darkest dreaming.”
She stood by the tree in the front yard long after the last of the spectators had left; smoking cigarette after cigarette until her throat burned and her chest was tight. As the morning progressed, she noticed the already quiet street grew quieter still, with barely even a breeze rustling the leaves.
Was it out of respect for her? For the woman who stood alone, the mother who’d lost her only son in what could only be described as a freak accident. Rose dread to think what the neighborhood gossips, or town gossips for that matter, would make of this situation. Even now she could feel the eyes of the curtain twitchers upon her, waiting to report her every move to anyone who would listen.
She’d watched with unseeing eyes as Eddie had taken Samantha, whose knuckles were white from grasping his shirt, up to the front porch once the coroner’s car had driven off. Elizabeth had followed blindly behind, mascara stained tear tracks standing out against the stark white of her otherwise emotionless face.
When the air grew cold and her body was racked with chills, Rose found the strength to push away from the tree which was all but holding her up and walk towards the house which was now an empty shell of its former self. The police man standing guard bowed his head as she approached to which she responded with a tight smile.
Inside, her daughters were huddled together on the sofa, both quiet and lost in their own thoughts. Eddie was in the kitchen talking in muted tones with Bob Garland, who had requested they both be present but Rose had ignored his request. There was activity all around her, firemen securing the house; men in dark suits and even darker sunglasses taking notes and photographs of the damage. Obnoxiously bright danger signs covered every available surface and hazard tape blocked all access to the formal dining room in which debris littered the floor and daylight was streaming through the hole in the ceiling.
Standing by the front door not knowing quite what to do with herself, Rose focused on the scratches left on the wooden floor from where the chandelier had fallen and shattered. It was repairable, the floor; however the chandelier was a lost cause. But she was the patron saint of lost causes, wasn’t she? She herself was a lost cause at the best of times. An extra glass of wine with dinner, which she knew Eddie had been monitoring lately. Rose was waiting the day the topic of her increased alcohol intake was broached, but the words went unsaid.
A light touch on her arm pulled her from her reverie and Rose looked up to find herself staring into the sunken, ashen face of her husband. As Eddie stumbled over his words, his hand on her arm gradually tightened as if he were afraid to lose her too if she stepped away from him. He glanced towards the girls and again his hand tightened. Rose felt fresh tears in her eyes as she laid her hand over his, knowing it would be of little help, but it seemingly was as his fingers loosened from the pink material of her jacket
and grasped her fingers instead.
“They’re putting us up in a hotel.”
“Ok.”
One of the many dark suited men roaming her house was waiting at the foot of the stairs with a wide legged stance and hands clasped behind his back. Were it not for the utter tragedy of the situation, Rose felt sure she would break down in laughter at the sight of this man looking for all the world as if he belonged in a Tom Clancy novel. Instead she glanced at Eddie and tilted her head toward this CIA wannabe and the two shared a small smirk before quickly sobering, remembering why he was stood there, though it wasn’t exactly a day of their lives they’d be able to forget any time soon.
“Put the girls in the car. I’ll pack.”
As she made a move toward the stairs Rose sized up her escort, wondering what it was his job entailed exactly. She was sure it didn’t include chaperoning a fragile woman around her equally as fragile house while she gathered up as many belongings as she could possibly fit into two suitcases for god knows how many weeks. She didn’t even know what to say to the poor man as he led her up the stairs, but was quite content to follow along quietly. When they reached the landing she was sure she heard him mutter a soft I’m sorry for your loss which was almost her complete undoing but instead of breaking, Rose offered the same smile she had given the police man.
She worked quickly, efficiently, not wanting to remain in the house any longer than she already had. She packed as many clothes as she thought they’d need, knew they could pick up toiletries on the way, but made a point of taking the bottle of sleeping pills from the drawer of her bedside cabinet. Rose knew she’d be plagued with nightmares, but she at least had a chance of a decent night’s sleep being jacked up on Restoril.
Her heart stopped as she glanced up at the dresser and seen the only picture frame that had remained standing. A photo of her three children taken the previous summer; all of them smiling. There was a light in Donnie’s eyes that had been captured on film; a light that had slowly disappeared. Rose held back a cry of unadulterated anguish as she placed a hand on her chest and willed her heart to start beating again.
When it did, Rose decided now was the time to leave. If her heart was going to give out, she’d rather it be in private and not with all these strangers around her. Her escort knocked on the door and offered to take the suitcases for her, and she gladly let him as long as it meant she be out of there sooner.
Eddie had taken up Rose’s spot by the front door, looking around at the home he had worked so hard for. He looked up to see Rose coming down the stairs as if the hounds of hell were after her and knew it was time to leave. She said nothing as she left the house and hot footed it towards the car.
Taking the suitcases from their escort, Eddie thanked him and began to leave but at the last minute turned back. Setting the cases down, he reached into his pocket and retrieved his keys, removing his house key from the set and handing it over, asking if they would lock up when they were done. As he lifted the suitcases, he made a mental note to have the locks changed on the off chance the key was never returned.
The suitcases in the trunk and his girls asleep in the backseat, Eddie spared a final look at the house before starting the engine. His life as he knew it had almost certainly been destroyed and there were doubts in his mind that they’d ever be able to find that balance on the fine line of normal ever again. Certainly, they would try, but the cracks which already been present would likely grow into full blown canyons.
He drove without thought until he reached the Holiday Inn, by which point Rose had woken. They sat in silence for a moment, trying to comprehend the past few hours, until Eddie made the first move and went to retrieve the suitcases and check them in. He returned a few minutes later to take Samantha inside as Rose woke Elizabeth.
“Will we ever be normal again?”
“I don’t know, Elizabeth.”
Eddie placed a still sleeping Samantha in the centre of the double bed and Elizabeth crawled in behind her, wrapping her arms around her younger sister as if to shield her from all the pain and misery they were feeling. Rose pulled the covers up over their shoulders, checked the outer door was locked and drew the curtains before heading through to the adjoining room where Eddie was laying in his own blackened sanctuary.
He’d watched her enter, his Rosie, stoic as ever. She’d be brave for the girls. As she closed the door he could see the cracks forming in her bravery and it wouldn’t be long now until she shattered. There was nothing he, or anyone, could do or say that would do anything to remotely make her feel any good right now. She sat on the bed beside him, switched on the bedside lamp and stared blankly at the wall, the change in her breathing the only indication that she was struggling with her emotions.
“He couldn’t have asked for a better mother, Rose. We raised a wonderful son.”
It was all that needed to be said for Rose to have the emotional breakdown she so badly needed. Eddie sat up and wrapped his arms around Rose and moved until she was lying beside him. He said nothing as he held her, simply letting her cry it out, all the pain and anger that had built up over the years to this one moment in their lives.
The day, as short as it had been, was catching up to him. Eddie struggled to keep his eyes open as he lay there staring at the ceiling. Rose had cried herself to sleep in his arms; there was no sound from the girls’ room. If Donnie were here, Eddie knew he’d be tormenting Samantha somehow. Eddie shut his eyes for just a moment and when he opened them again, the sun was setting and if it were not for the lamp in the corner, the room would be cloaked in darkness much like the blanket of emotional darkness his family was shrouded in.
It was the sound of the TV that woke her up. The news was re-telling the story of their horrific morning for the world to hear. She lay there on Eddie’s chest paying no attention to what was being said or to the images that flashed on screen. The weight of Eddie’s arm around her was a comfort and when he began to talk; his voice was a quiet distraction.
“Frankie Feedler. You remember him? From high school.”
Rating: T
Fandom: Donnie Darko
Summary: "If her heart was going to give out, she'd rather it be in private." The aftermath of Donnie's death.
Darkest Dreaming
“I don’t ever wanna be alone with all my darkest dreaming.”
She stood by the tree in the front yard long after the last of the spectators had left; smoking cigarette after cigarette until her throat burned and her chest was tight. As the morning progressed, she noticed the already quiet street grew quieter still, with barely even a breeze rustling the leaves.
Was it out of respect for her? For the woman who stood alone, the mother who’d lost her only son in what could only be described as a freak accident. Rose dread to think what the neighborhood gossips, or town gossips for that matter, would make of this situation. Even now she could feel the eyes of the curtain twitchers upon her, waiting to report her every move to anyone who would listen.
She’d watched with unseeing eyes as Eddie had taken Samantha, whose knuckles were white from grasping his shirt, up to the front porch once the coroner’s car had driven off. Elizabeth had followed blindly behind, mascara stained tear tracks standing out against the stark white of her otherwise emotionless face.
When the air grew cold and her body was racked with chills, Rose found the strength to push away from the tree which was all but holding her up and walk towards the house which was now an empty shell of its former self. The police man standing guard bowed his head as she approached to which she responded with a tight smile.
Inside, her daughters were huddled together on the sofa, both quiet and lost in their own thoughts. Eddie was in the kitchen talking in muted tones with Bob Garland, who had requested they both be present but Rose had ignored his request. There was activity all around her, firemen securing the house; men in dark suits and even darker sunglasses taking notes and photographs of the damage. Obnoxiously bright danger signs covered every available surface and hazard tape blocked all access to the formal dining room in which debris littered the floor and daylight was streaming through the hole in the ceiling.
Standing by the front door not knowing quite what to do with herself, Rose focused on the scratches left on the wooden floor from where the chandelier had fallen and shattered. It was repairable, the floor; however the chandelier was a lost cause. But she was the patron saint of lost causes, wasn’t she? She herself was a lost cause at the best of times. An extra glass of wine with dinner, which she knew Eddie had been monitoring lately. Rose was waiting the day the topic of her increased alcohol intake was broached, but the words went unsaid.
A light touch on her arm pulled her from her reverie and Rose looked up to find herself staring into the sunken, ashen face of her husband. As Eddie stumbled over his words, his hand on her arm gradually tightened as if he were afraid to lose her too if she stepped away from him. He glanced towards the girls and again his hand tightened. Rose felt fresh tears in her eyes as she laid her hand over his, knowing it would be of little help, but it seemingly was as his fingers loosened from the pink material of her jacket
and grasped her fingers instead.
“They’re putting us up in a hotel.”
“Ok.”
One of the many dark suited men roaming her house was waiting at the foot of the stairs with a wide legged stance and hands clasped behind his back. Were it not for the utter tragedy of the situation, Rose felt sure she would break down in laughter at the sight of this man looking for all the world as if he belonged in a Tom Clancy novel. Instead she glanced at Eddie and tilted her head toward this CIA wannabe and the two shared a small smirk before quickly sobering, remembering why he was stood there, though it wasn’t exactly a day of their lives they’d be able to forget any time soon.
“Put the girls in the car. I’ll pack.”
As she made a move toward the stairs Rose sized up her escort, wondering what it was his job entailed exactly. She was sure it didn’t include chaperoning a fragile woman around her equally as fragile house while she gathered up as many belongings as she could possibly fit into two suitcases for god knows how many weeks. She didn’t even know what to say to the poor man as he led her up the stairs, but was quite content to follow along quietly. When they reached the landing she was sure she heard him mutter a soft I’m sorry for your loss which was almost her complete undoing but instead of breaking, Rose offered the same smile she had given the police man.
She worked quickly, efficiently, not wanting to remain in the house any longer than she already had. She packed as many clothes as she thought they’d need, knew they could pick up toiletries on the way, but made a point of taking the bottle of sleeping pills from the drawer of her bedside cabinet. Rose knew she’d be plagued with nightmares, but she at least had a chance of a decent night’s sleep being jacked up on Restoril.
Her heart stopped as she glanced up at the dresser and seen the only picture frame that had remained standing. A photo of her three children taken the previous summer; all of them smiling. There was a light in Donnie’s eyes that had been captured on film; a light that had slowly disappeared. Rose held back a cry of unadulterated anguish as she placed a hand on her chest and willed her heart to start beating again.
When it did, Rose decided now was the time to leave. If her heart was going to give out, she’d rather it be in private and not with all these strangers around her. Her escort knocked on the door and offered to take the suitcases for her, and she gladly let him as long as it meant she be out of there sooner.
Eddie had taken up Rose’s spot by the front door, looking around at the home he had worked so hard for. He looked up to see Rose coming down the stairs as if the hounds of hell were after her and knew it was time to leave. She said nothing as she left the house and hot footed it towards the car.
Taking the suitcases from their escort, Eddie thanked him and began to leave but at the last minute turned back. Setting the cases down, he reached into his pocket and retrieved his keys, removing his house key from the set and handing it over, asking if they would lock up when they were done. As he lifted the suitcases, he made a mental note to have the locks changed on the off chance the key was never returned.
The suitcases in the trunk and his girls asleep in the backseat, Eddie spared a final look at the house before starting the engine. His life as he knew it had almost certainly been destroyed and there were doubts in his mind that they’d ever be able to find that balance on the fine line of normal ever again. Certainly, they would try, but the cracks which already been present would likely grow into full blown canyons.
He drove without thought until he reached the Holiday Inn, by which point Rose had woken. They sat in silence for a moment, trying to comprehend the past few hours, until Eddie made the first move and went to retrieve the suitcases and check them in. He returned a few minutes later to take Samantha inside as Rose woke Elizabeth.
“Will we ever be normal again?”
“I don’t know, Elizabeth.”
Eddie placed a still sleeping Samantha in the centre of the double bed and Elizabeth crawled in behind her, wrapping her arms around her younger sister as if to shield her from all the pain and misery they were feeling. Rose pulled the covers up over their shoulders, checked the outer door was locked and drew the curtains before heading through to the adjoining room where Eddie was laying in his own blackened sanctuary.
He’d watched her enter, his Rosie, stoic as ever. She’d be brave for the girls. As she closed the door he could see the cracks forming in her bravery and it wouldn’t be long now until she shattered. There was nothing he, or anyone, could do or say that would do anything to remotely make her feel any good right now. She sat on the bed beside him, switched on the bedside lamp and stared blankly at the wall, the change in her breathing the only indication that she was struggling with her emotions.
“He couldn’t have asked for a better mother, Rose. We raised a wonderful son.”
It was all that needed to be said for Rose to have the emotional breakdown she so badly needed. Eddie sat up and wrapped his arms around Rose and moved until she was lying beside him. He said nothing as he held her, simply letting her cry it out, all the pain and anger that had built up over the years to this one moment in their lives.
The day, as short as it had been, was catching up to him. Eddie struggled to keep his eyes open as he lay there staring at the ceiling. Rose had cried herself to sleep in his arms; there was no sound from the girls’ room. If Donnie were here, Eddie knew he’d be tormenting Samantha somehow. Eddie shut his eyes for just a moment and when he opened them again, the sun was setting and if it were not for the lamp in the corner, the room would be cloaked in darkness much like the blanket of emotional darkness his family was shrouded in.
It was the sound of the TV that woke her up. The news was re-telling the story of their horrific morning for the world to hear. She lay there on Eddie’s chest paying no attention to what was being said or to the images that flashed on screen. The weight of Eddie’s arm around her was a comfort and when he began to talk; his voice was a quiet distraction.
“Frankie Feedler. You remember him? From high school.”