Because I <3 my flist
For accio - Valentine's Day crackfic! :D I cannot do angst, sorry. But random fandom-crossing is fun!
Fandom: Harry Potter and Doctor Who
Pairings: Fred/Hermione/George, Four/Scarf. No, really.
Rating: PG13 for language and implied sexxin'
Warnings: Pure crack. Not beta'd 'cos I wrote this super quickly and it probably sucks. Implied twincest. Oh, and scarf kinkiness. No real spoilers for anything, though.
Summary: Hermione has interesting plans for her boys on Valentine's Day.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, etc etc. Set in Hermione's sixth year, so all legal, kthx. LJ plz to not be banninating me.
“Why, exactly, are we doing this?” asked George for the umpteenth time that evening, as he, George and Hermione apparated in the Grangers’ living room.
“You said I could do anything I wanted for Valentines’s Day. I want to show you this TV show. I think you’ll like it.”
“You sound like Dad,” complained Fred, as Hermione verified that the house was indeed otherwise unoccupied; her parents were probably out for a romantic evening, as she has suspected. “What the hell is a tellyplision anyway?”
“Television,” she corrected him distractedly as she inserted a black box into a slot underneath the screen. The imposing black monster made a strange whirring sound as it gulped down the something and swallowed it whole. “This is a video,” she added, but realised this didn’t really clarify anything. “Look, never mind. Just watch.”
She motioned for them to make themselves comfortable on the sofa, and then sandwiched herself between them. Fred licked her ear. She giggled, but turned her attention to the television as blue swirls began to appear on the screen, followed by the face of a man with impressively curly hair.
George jumped. “That’s not a fireplace, is it? What’s he doing there? Is he stuck? Hey, you in there, you need help?”
Hermione shushed him. “It’s just a recording, an image. Shhh. Just watch,” she repeated.
Fred and George raised their eyebrows simultaneously as they read the logo that now appeared on the screen.
“What the fuck is Doctor Who?!”
Several hours later
“That was amazing,” said Fred eventually as they came to the end of the serial, square-eyed but happy, “Muggle television is brilliant!”
“An alien who travels through time and space in a small blue box with a robot dog and assorted hot women? It’s genius!” nodded George in agreement, waving his arms for emphasis.
“I told you you'd like it,” laughed Hermione, but the boys weren’t listening.
“He just wants to be loved!” sniffled Fred, clutching Hermione’s arm, “it must be so lonely out there!”
“The monsters were a bit rubbish though,” George interjected.
“Well, they are mostly made of bubble-wrap and tinfoil,” she explained, “They didn’t have great special effects back then.”
“Pfft, how stupid. They should borrow Hagrid’s Blast-Ended Skrewts.”
“I’m pretty sure that would break both Wizarding laws and Muggle laws, not to mention be a significant safety hazard for the actors,” pointed out Hermione, but trailed off when she realised she was speaking to the two people who famously attempted to blow up a toilet in her first year.
“I like his scarf,” said Fred, “and he obviously loves it. The scarf is his true love, in fact. He’ll never love a woman as much as that scarf.”
“I bet he has kinky scarf-sex with it in the TARDIS when no-one is looking,” agreed George.
“Well, I just so happened to bring my scarf…” Hermione told them, with one bushy eyebrow raised cheekily, “y’know, since it’s Valentine’s Day, and I had a feeling this would inspire you two with some great ideas for making use of scarves...”
She licked her lips and rubbed the tassels of the scarf between her fingers.
And all thoughts of the Doctor and tinfoil monsters were immediately forgotten.
Somewhere in an alternate universe, the Doctor was examining his new face in the mirror in his dressing room. He had a new outfit all picked out for his latest persona. But something was missing.
After staring at himself for some time, the Doctor decided he’d figure it out later. Right now, he needed some time to unwind. A film. Yes, that was a good idea, he’d go see a film.
He set the controls for year 2004, Earth, and materialised at various spots across the UK until he found a cinema.
He checked what was showing. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban? Well, that would do.
It wasn't a bad way to spend a few hours of his long life. He couldn’t say he thought much of the special effects for the werewolf. But those school scarves were snazzy. And it had been brilliant timing, for now he knew precisely what he needed to complete his outfit.
Paradoxes can be funny like that.
Fandom: Harry Potter and Doctor Who
Pairings: Fred/Hermione/George, Four/Scarf. No, really.
Rating: PG13 for language and implied sexxin'
Warnings: Pure crack. Not beta'd 'cos I wrote this super quickly and it probably sucks. Implied twincest. Oh, and scarf kinkiness. No real spoilers for anything, though.
Summary: Hermione has interesting plans for her boys on Valentine's Day.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, etc etc. Set in Hermione's sixth year, so all legal, kthx. LJ plz to not be banninating me.
“Why, exactly, are we doing this?” asked George for the umpteenth time that evening, as he, George and Hermione apparated in the Grangers’ living room.
“You said I could do anything I wanted for Valentines’s Day. I want to show you this TV show. I think you’ll like it.”
“You sound like Dad,” complained Fred, as Hermione verified that the house was indeed otherwise unoccupied; her parents were probably out for a romantic evening, as she has suspected. “What the hell is a tellyplision anyway?”
“Television,” she corrected him distractedly as she inserted a black box into a slot underneath the screen. The imposing black monster made a strange whirring sound as it gulped down the something and swallowed it whole. “This is a video,” she added, but realised this didn’t really clarify anything. “Look, never mind. Just watch.”
She motioned for them to make themselves comfortable on the sofa, and then sandwiched herself between them. Fred licked her ear. She giggled, but turned her attention to the television as blue swirls began to appear on the screen, followed by the face of a man with impressively curly hair.
George jumped. “That’s not a fireplace, is it? What’s he doing there? Is he stuck? Hey, you in there, you need help?”
Hermione shushed him. “It’s just a recording, an image. Shhh. Just watch,” she repeated.
Fred and George raised their eyebrows simultaneously as they read the logo that now appeared on the screen.
“What the fuck is Doctor Who?!”
Several hours later
“That was amazing,” said Fred eventually as they came to the end of the serial, square-eyed but happy, “Muggle television is brilliant!”
“An alien who travels through time and space in a small blue box with a robot dog and assorted hot women? It’s genius!” nodded George in agreement, waving his arms for emphasis.
“I told you you'd like it,” laughed Hermione, but the boys weren’t listening.
“He just wants to be loved!” sniffled Fred, clutching Hermione’s arm, “it must be so lonely out there!”
“The monsters were a bit rubbish though,” George interjected.
“Well, they are mostly made of bubble-wrap and tinfoil,” she explained, “They didn’t have great special effects back then.”
“Pfft, how stupid. They should borrow Hagrid’s Blast-Ended Skrewts.”
“I’m pretty sure that would break both Wizarding laws and Muggle laws, not to mention be a significant safety hazard for the actors,” pointed out Hermione, but trailed off when she realised she was speaking to the two people who famously attempted to blow up a toilet in her first year.
“I like his scarf,” said Fred, “and he obviously loves it. The scarf is his true love, in fact. He’ll never love a woman as much as that scarf.”
“I bet he has kinky scarf-sex with it in the TARDIS when no-one is looking,” agreed George.
“Well, I just so happened to bring my scarf…” Hermione told them, with one bushy eyebrow raised cheekily, “y’know, since it’s Valentine’s Day, and I had a feeling this would inspire you two with some great ideas for making use of scarves...”
She licked her lips and rubbed the tassels of the scarf between her fingers.
And all thoughts of the Doctor and tinfoil monsters were immediately forgotten.
Somewhere in an alternate universe, the Doctor was examining his new face in the mirror in his dressing room. He had a new outfit all picked out for his latest persona. But something was missing.
After staring at himself for some time, the Doctor decided he’d figure it out later. Right now, he needed some time to unwind. A film. Yes, that was a good idea, he’d go see a film.
He set the controls for year 2004, Earth, and materialised at various spots across the UK until he found a cinema.
He checked what was showing. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban? Well, that would do.
It wasn't a bad way to spend a few hours of his long life. He couldn’t say he thought much of the special effects for the werewolf. But those school scarves were snazzy. And it had been brilliant timing, for now he knew precisely what he needed to complete his outfit.
Paradoxes can be funny like that.