Breathe
Title: Breathe
Wordcount: 8420
Rating: NC17
Summary: Jensen helps Jared regain his control after filming “When The Levee Breaks.” A follow up to Take Care Of You.
Pairing: J2
Warnings: Dom/Sub themes, wax play & breath play
Disclaimer: These boys are not mine, nor do I believe that they are in this kind of relationship. It’s just nice to have the fantasy for a little while.
Notes: My heartfelt thanks go out to two very special people garvaldmains , who encouraged me to post this, and the ever wonderful realscape for her beta work. She has patience of a saint, as she was faced with me making alterations in mid beta! Now with added beta work by the amazingbigj52
Breathe
Jared pulled at the chains that held him to the bed. He was trying his hardest to relax and centre himself for what was to come, but it was difficult. He was conscious of his restricted movement and he fretfully tugged at the restraints again. Jensen hovered into view and Jared couldn't help but think wryly to himself that this was usually the view Jensen had when he gave up control to Jared. The role reversal was quite unnerving as Jensen bent over to speak to him.
”Look Jay, if this is too much we can take a break, you know you only have to say.” Jensen gave him a worried smile, trying to reassure Jared, Jared took a deep breath: he could do this. He shook his head and Jensen retreated from his line of sight.
“And ‘action’.” And once again, Sam was going through the agonies of demon blood withdrawal down in Bobby's panic room.
Bob called ‘cut’, and Jensen slipped out of ‘Dean’ mode and helped the crew free Jared. They had finished this particular set-up, one where Sam hallucinated a conversation with Dean about his addiction. “Jared, you get a break while we set up Castiel freeing Sam. Back in thirty, OK? And Jensen you’re needed for your scene with Bobby!” Jared nodded gratefully, rubbing his wrists to start the circulation again.
Jared walked over to his trailer. He stepped inside and collapsed onto the couch, rubbing at his tired eyes. This episode was kicking both their asses. He thought about the previous day, when they’d filmed Bobby and Dean holding Sam down and restraining him while he had a seizure. After Bob had called ‘cut’, Jensen had bolted from the set, and Jared had found him sitting on the floor of his trailer, his body hunched over, his head resting on his knees, and clutched in Jensen’s left hand was the leather bracelet. Jared had knelt by Jensen, taking his hand, and before Jared could speak, Jensen had looked up. The raw, pained emotion in Jensen’s eyes had shaken Jared to the core and his voice had deserted him. Jensen had glanced down at the bracelet and he’d slowly shaken his head. Jared had nodded and helped Jensen to his feet. Jensen had held Jared for a few moments before breaking away; then he’d given Jared a shaky smile and returned to the set.
Jared let his head fall back, closing his eyes. He was feeling out of control. He hated being tied up for that reason, and he’d had gone through that twice already. Sam’s withdrawal was making him jittery, and this was being heightened by Jensen becoming increasingly immersed in Dean. Jared felt starved of Jensen, even though they lived together and shared a bed. Jensen was wearing Dean’s pain like armor, and nothing Jared did could penetrate it.
~~*~~
After they finished filming for the day, they went home and crashed, both of them focused on the final scenes; the fight, and Sam leaving Dean behind in the wreckage of the Motel room. Jensen had brought two beers and they were drinking in silence. Jared was lying down on their couch, his feet hanging over the arm and his head resting on Jensen’s lap. Jensen’s right hand was rhythmically stroking Jared’s hair. Jared was growing increasingly restless. He wanted nothing more than to take the hand that stroked his hair and remove the bracelet, freeing Jensen of his iron-clad control so that Jared was able to take care of him; able to give Jensen what he needed, what Jared wanted to offer him. But Jared had made Jensen a promise. Jensen had given him a precious gift, and no matter how much Jared craved to be able to push Jensen’s boundaries, he would never take that from Jensen. It was up to Jensen to come and offer the bracelet back and surrender his control. So instead, Jared suppressed his own desires and let his mind wander.
Since their relationship had taken on this new dimension, they’d learned that Jensen enjoyed being restrained by Jared. This had led to a memorable discovery that suspenders made very flexible bonds, after Jensen had smuggled one of Dean Smith’s outfits home because Jared had been unable to tear his eyes away from Jensen when he’d worn it on set.
Jared had never been one to use toys, but he was considering an addition to the bedroom; a hook in the ceiling, sturdy, unobtrusive, which would allow Jared to suspend Jensen from the ceiling. He could imagine how Jensen would look, his arms pulled taut above his head, wrists tied, the rope supporting his weight and his feet brushing the floor, so not all his weight was on his arms and shoulders. Jared was very aware that the position could be too much for a long period of time, and he didn’t want to hurt Jensen. Jared pictured Jensen’s body, how his shoulders and biceps would flex with the effort, and the position would give his muscles wonderful definition, all while allowing Jared the luxury of being able to map every inch of that gorgeous, freckled skin, especially his abs. Plus, Jensen was very ticklish, an added bonus that could be exploited when Jensen would be helpless.
Jared was jarred from this very pleasant reverie by Jensen speaking “Dude, where did you go? You zoned out on me.” Jared reached for Jensen’s right hand and pulled it down. He kissed it, and placed it over his heart, and began to absently run his thumb over the strands of the bracelet. “Just thinking, man, Tomorrow’s gonna be a killer, but at least we get the weekend off!” He gifted Jensen with a smile, all the while with the need thrumming under his skin, desire threatening to overwhelm him. Jared took a deep breath, “Jen, I'm just going down to the gym for a little while. I'm too wired to sleep. Jensen frowned and his left hand slowly began to edge towards his right wrist. Jared spotted this, and caught the hand before it reached its destination, he would not pressure Jensen into letting go. Jared sat up, still holding Jensen’s hand.
“No. We do this when you’re ready, and not because you think I want it.” Jared leaned in and kissed Jensen, slow, tender, breaking away with the ghost of a smile hovering on his lips. He stood up and went down to the gym.
By the time Jared had gotten rid of his tension build-up Jensen had gone to bed. Jared showered quickly and climbed into bed behind him. Jensen was curled up on his side and his sleep looked anything but restful. He was moving fitfully, his hand clutching the sheet as if his life depended on it. Jared caught snatches of whispered words. When Jensen was really stressed he would sometimes talk in his sleep, allowing Jared glimpses of what was bothering him behind his guarded façade.
“Sammy... no don’t... I'm sorry!” Just as Jared reached across to calm Jensen, the words changed, “Please Jared, don’t go, no don’t......I'm begging you... Sammy!...God no.” Jared cursed under his breath. Thank fuck they were nearly at the end of the season, they both needed the break. Jared pulled Jensen to him, “Jensen, relax. I'm here...I’m not leaving.” Jensen stiffened in Jared’s arms and then relaxed, his breathing evening out.
~~*~~
The atmosphere on the set was tense. These were going to be the last shots of the episode. They’d finished with Genevieve, and all that was left was Sam and Dean’s climactic fight sequence. As each shot was finished, Jared became more and more agitated. He was watching Jensen like a hawk. He’d noticed that Jensen had been playing with Dean’s bracelet in the absence of his own; this had only increased Jared’s frustration with the long shoot. Jensen needed him. Jared was pacing while they applied Dean’s injuries, and now it was time to finish the fight, with Sam strangling Dean and then abandoning him. Jensen lay down amongst the wreckage of the room and Jared took up his position, kneeling over his brother, Jared placed his massive hands round Jensen’s slender throat, and for a second, the rush of power that slammed through him stole his breath away. Jared was still struggling for control when Bob called, “Action.”
Jared poured all of his whirling emotions into becoming Sam and into the action of tightening his grip on Dean's throat, always taking care that he kept a tenuous grip on his control. Dean fought back, growing progressively weaker, until Sam loosened his hold. Sam swept to his feet, delivered his line, and attempted to leave the room. Sadly, the grand gesture was diminished by the door being stuck.
"’Cut’ for the love of god! Someone open the door for our satanic warrior over here. I think Ruby's blood wore off.”
Jared leaned against the door, breathing hard. Crap! They were going to have to do it again, and holy shit, Jensen! He’d left Jensen just lying there. Jared turned to check on Jensen, only to be greeted by the sight of his wounded boyfriend rolling around the floor laughing hysterically. Jared opened his mouth to speak, but instead he joined in with the laughter, glad to see some of the tension drain from Jensen.
Bob gave them a few minutes to get their composure back and then Jared took his position again. This time as he reached down, Jensen tilted his head back slightly, offering his throat to Jared in an open display of trust. Once more intense feelings rushed through Jared, and one overwhelming thought ran through his head. It was simple, powerful, and becoming louder in his head…..“Mine!” It ran on a loop, and Jared knew it showed on his face when he felt Jensen's breath hitch under his hands as Jared ran his thumb down his neck.
"Action!"
Once more Jared poured everything he had into the scene, and this time he subtly increased the pressure on Jensen’s throat. He felt Jensen's hips twitch underneath him in response. When Jared grabbed the door this time he made it out successfully. Bob left the camera rolling and Jared made his way round to see what was happening on set. Bob signaled to Jensen to continue and Dean attempted to get up from the floor, but hurt by his brother’s attack, he failed and passed out in the remains of the room
“Cut and print! Okay folks, it looks like a wrap. See ya on Monday, and best behaviour kiddies. God, sorry I mean Eric, is in the building, so play nice.” There was good-natured hollering from the crew, but Jared had noticed that Jensen hadn't moved yet.
He wondered if he'd pressed too hard, and just as he began to panic Jensen pushed himself to a sitting position. “What's a guy gotta do round here to get some help?” His voice sounded a little huskier than usual, and Jared couldn't help the flash of arousal it triggered. He walked over and pulled Jensen to his feet, sweeping his eyes over his body and checking for obvious injury before saying, “Are you gonna apply for one of those sex chat lines sounding like that?” Then he pulled Jensen a little closer and spoke so only he could hear. “'Cos sounding like that, you could talk dirty to me all night.” Jensen shivered slightly at those words.
Jared stepped back and reached out to check on Jensen's throat. He could see faint finger marks on Jensen's neck, and he couldn't help the thrill it sent down his body, igniting a spark of desire in his belly and making his cock twitch. Jensen reached up to feel his own throat and a shy smile spread across his face, followed by a flush creeping up his cheeks.
Before Jared could speak again, Jensen ducked his head and said, “I'm going to get cleaned up, Cliff will want to get us out of here.”
Jared was left feeling bemused. He’d been hoping Jensen was going to say something else. Jared still felt his control spinning away from him, so he stood and took a few steadying breaths. He was surprised he'd read Jensen so wrongly.
He’d thought that Jensen had responded to Jared’s hands being round his throat, but he must’ve been mistaken. Jared sighed. He desperately wanted Jensen to surrender his control over to him again. It was like a drug. Jensen's submission was addictive. It was a rare thing, and as such, it was to be savored and treasured.
Their journey home was silent; Jared was wrapped up in his own thoughts of how Jensen had reacted on set. He was concerned that Jensen was once again retreating into himself, and the last time it had happened, Jensen had been badly hurt, but it had led to their relationship entering a new phase - one where Jared could unleash his dominant side and look after Jensen when he needed it. So it distressed Jared to think that they had come so far together only for Jensen to shut him out again.
The car came to a stop and Cliff wished them a good weekend. Jensen nodded, he looked tired. He was quiet and all his walls were in place as he waved goodbye to Cliff and walked to the house, opening the door. Jared heard Harley and Sadie greet him and Jared turned to say goodbye, but before he could, Cliff spoke.
“Hey Jay, take care of him this weekend, will ya? I know this has been tough on you, but he’s been worried sick about you since filming started. He drove the crew nuts when they were tying you up, making sure you were as comfortable as possible, and that you could get out if you had to. He also tried to make sure the mood was right on set to keep you focused. Plus, I don’t think he’s been sleeping too well, Gina said the dark circles have been a bitch to cover. So even if you have to tie him to the bed, make sure he rests. Okay?” Jared nodded and muttered that he’d see Cliff on Monday.
Jared berated himself as he walked down the path. He was supposed to look after Jensen, and yet this had escaped his notice. He’d thought that the nightmare last night had been an isolated incident, but after what Cliff had said, it had obviously been going on longer, and it had slipped by him due his own tiredness because of filming. As for tying Jensen to the bed, oh he’d do that alright, and he’d let Jensen get some sleep at some point as well. Jared stopped at the door. No, he wouldn’t do that to Jensen. After all, Jared had set the rules himself, and he wouldn’t break them.
He loved Jensen too much to break that promise, but they would talk, and he would try to convince the strong-willed, stubborn, gorgeous idiot into letting go and letting Jared look after him.
Jared stepped inside but Jensen was nowhere to be seen. Jared was going to call out, but decided to find him instead. He finally found Jensen in the kitchen, watching the dogs play in the twilight. He was leaning against a counter, and Jared could see the tension in his shoulders. Jensen took a deep breath and stood up straight, pushing away from the counter. He stretched out his arms in an attempt to loosen his muscles; then he became aware of Jared’s presence and turned around.
Cliff had been right, Jensen looked tired and worn out. Jared took a step towards him.
“Jay, why don’t you go and have a shower? I’ll get the dogs in and we can just crash for the night.” Jensen’s body language, and the fact that his eyes never met Jared’s, told Jared that now was not the time to talk, He knew when Jensen was like this that it was best to wait until he was more receptive. Jared nodded and gave a weary smile as he backed out of the kitchen.
~~*~~
Jared walked up stairs to the bathroom, pulling his clothes off as he went, and rolled his shoulders. Damn, he was stiff. He debated whether to just have a quick shower, or indulge in one of his marathon wallowing sessions (as Jensen referred to them). Considering the conversation to come, Jared decided to wallow; he wanted to be as relaxed as possible.
When Jared was in the shower he could lose all track of time, and that was what Jensen was hoping for tonight. Jensen could tell from the way Jared set the shower just how long he would be. A quick shower meant Jared would set the ‘power shower’, which Jensen had dubbed the ‘Star Ship Enterprise’ after seeing it for the first time. This meant a scalding temperature and high pressure. If he was wallowing, it started at merely warm rather than scalding, and a pressure that didn’t make Jensen feel as if his skin was being blasted off.
Jensen had once made the mistake of not checking the settings after Jared had showered after a workout. So when Jensen had stepped in and then turned the shower on, the shock of virtually feeling his skin peel off had resulted in him letting out a scream that almost caused Jared to call 911. As it was, Jensen’s skin had been red for an hour, and Jared had been fascinated by what it had done to his freckles.
By the sound of the water, Jared was going for a wallow and this meant Jensen had time to prepare the bedroom, and himself for when Jared emerged. Jensen opened his wardrobe and fetched his bag of supplies, plus the little something he’d borrowed from the set before they left.
Jared finally turned off the shower. He felt energized, ready to tackle Jensen and try to convince him to let go for the weekend, so that Jared could take care of him, giving him what they both craved. Jared was still running through what he could say to Jensen as he grabbed a towel, slung it around his waist and stepped into the bedroom.
Jared was stunned by the sight which greeted him. The room was lit by candles. They were on all the flat surfaces suffusing the room with a soft, golden glow. Shadows danced on the walls, moving with a sinuous grace.
Jared’s attention was drawn to the bed. There, kneeling in the centre was Jensen. He was naked, and by the looks of his hair, freshly showered. His hair was softer now; there was no product in it, just as Jared preferred. In the flickering light Jared thought that Jensen resembled a marble statue. Shadows caressed the contours of Jensen’s body, the golden light highlighting the freckles which dusted the pale skin. But Jensen was not cold and unfeeling like stone; he was warm and vital. Jensen’s hands were resting on his legs, and in his left hand was the leather bracelet. Jensen’s head was bowed, waiting for Jared to approach him.
Jared dropped his towel to the floor and walked to the bed. As he grew closer, Jared felt centred for the first time in days, as if the ground under his feet had become solid instead of standing on quicksand. He grew straighter and a feeling of calm stole over him. When he reached the foot of the bed he spoke, “Jensen, are you sure this is what you want?”
The quiet command prompted Jensen to raise his eyes to the man he loved, the man he gifted his submission to, and his breath caught in his throat. Jared was still wet from his shower; droplets of water clung to him, and in the candlelight Jared’s skin glittered as if he was covered in tiny jewels. Jensen eyes traced the water as some trickled a tantalizing path down Jared's torso to his erect cock. Jensen's mouth watered at the sight, and all he wanted to do was use his tongue to trace the same path. The desire had stolen his voice, so in silence he offered the bracelet to Jared, who accepted the bracelet from him. Holding it in his hand, Jared said, “Jensen, what’s your safe word tonight? Tell me what you need, and I'll take care of you.”
Jensen lowered his eyes and Jared took in the rest of the room. He smiled at the other preparations Jensen had made. Jensen had placed lube and condoms on the bedside table, and attached to the headboard were the cuffs that had been used on Jared earlier that day, Jensen had been busy.
“’Clay’, my safe word is ‘clay’, and I want you to tie me down and...” Jensen’s voice trailed away. He crawled towards Jared and knelt on the edge of the bed, reaching out and taking Jared’s hands in his, raising them to his lips. He kissed them and then placed them around his neck. Jared’s heart thundered in his chest. He couldn’t find the words to express what Jensen’s gesture had meant to him, that Jensen loved him enough to literally place his life in his hands. Jared tilted Jensen’s face up and he kissed him. Parting his lips, Jared’s tongue swirled slowly around Jensen’s, until they were both out of breath.
Jared pulled back, his eyes sparkling, his hands still resting on Jensen’s throat. He took command of himself and spoke.
“When we do this, you won’t be able to speak, so I will give you a signal to use if it gets to be too much.” Jared then glanced at the candles, “I want your permission for me to introduce a little heat to proceedings.” Jensen’s eyes followed Jared's stare and he nodded in agreement. Jared gently brushed at Jensen’s cheek with his hand then whispered. “Face down on the bed, now!” There was steel in his voice and Jensen moved to obey without hesitation.
Jared moved to the top of the bed and he put the bracelet down, picking up one of the candles instead. Jensen had positioned himself face down, with his head turned to one side, his arms either side of his head and his wrists crossed, lying close to the waiting cuffs.
Jared straddled Jensen's thighs; he trailed his fingers down the path he wanted to trace with the wax. This gentle touch sent shivers of anticipation down Jensen’s body and Jared leant forward, gently tipping the candle. The wax hung for a second then the first drop splashed down onto Jensen's shoulder. Jensen hissed at the sensation of sudden heat and Jared carefully turned the candle, allowing more wax to drop onto Jensen's twitching shoulders. Jensen screwed his eyes shut, as each drop bloomed with intense heat, before fading just as quickly back to an almost soothing warmth.
Jared worked methodically, running trails of wax across those broad shoulders. The only sound was Jensen panting and whimpering. Jared splashed a path of hot wax down Jensen's spine to the curve of his ass, then he knelt back to view his work. The wax was patterned in a “Y” shape. He pressed his thumb into the cooling wax at the top of Jensen’s spine and dragged it down, pressing the fading heat into the skin, molding the wax as he went. He kept a close watch on Jensen, wanting to take him to the brink, not force him over.
“Jensen, open your eyes for me.”
Jensen's eyes fluttered open; the pupils were dilated with only a glimmer of green flecked with gold visible in the candlelight. Satisfied that Jensen was still with him, Jared dripped fresh wax onto Jensen's shoulders, causing him to give a full body shudder.
“I want you to turn over now, Jensen.” Jared ordered, and Jensen slowly turned over, wincing as the cooling wax pulled and crackled on his skin. Jared had gotten off the bed. He took Jensen’s wrists and fastened them with the cuffs, and then he picked up the lube and a condom. In his other hand he held the candle, a wicked smile playing on his lips. “I think a little more wax first.” Jensen groaned and let his head fall back.
Jared once again straddled Jensen’s hips, Jared was admiring how Jensen's hard cock curved over his belly, weeping pre-come. He wanted to watch Jensen's face when the wax splashed down his chest. Again Jared started with the familiar pattern, he followed the line of the collar bone, and then ran the hot wax down Jensen's chest, watching as Jensen chewed at his bottom lip, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he rode wave after wave of pain mingled with pleasure from the tendrils of flame that licked at his skin. Jared dripped wax around his navel, before allowing a few drops to fall into the navel itself. Jensen arched off the bed with a gasp as Jared ran a soothing hand down his ribs, waiting for Jensen's breathing to steady.
Jared reached over and put the candle down. He picked up the lube and poured some over his fingers. Nudging Jensen’s legs open, he climbed between them, his hand reached down, tracing the sensitive skin between Jensen’s balls and ass. Jared circled around the puckered hole, his left hand playing with a nipple, causing Jensen to gasp and arch up. Jared pushed a finger inside Jensen and started to gently stretch the muscle. He bent down and ran his tongue along Jensen's cock from base to tip, lapping up the bitter-tasting pre-come that had pooled at the tip, drawing the head gently into his mouth and flicking his tongue into the slit. Jensen strained against the cuffs and moaned, Jared smiled, added another finger and slowly pumped them in and out, then scissored them. Jared kissed Jensen’s hip before sucking a mark onto his hip bone, and Jensen whimpered Jared's name as he added a third finger and started to stroke across Jensen's prostate.
It was almost too much for Jensen, he was sure Jared was going to kill him at this rate. Just as he thought he was going to come from being opened alone, the fingers were slowly pulled out and Jared knelt between Jensen's quivering thighs. He waited for Jensen to come back to him, and then he rolled the condom on and slicked his cock with the lube. Then Jared covered Jensen with his body.
“Jensen, I want you to take my hand and hold tight. If at any point you want to stop, you let go. Do you understand me? Look at me, Jensen!” Jensen pried his eyes open; he stared into Jared's eyes without fear and opened his hand for Jared to entwine their fingers. Jared kissed him once more, a tender kiss full of love, once again humbled by the gift Jensen had given him.
Jared braced himself on his elbows and he rested his right hand on Jensen's throat. Jared felt his cock push at Jensen's entrance as he breached the ring of muscle. He slowly sank into the tight heat.
As Jared glided deeper into him, Jensen felt the burn and stretch of penetration, echoing the heat and pull of the wax against his skin. Jared pulled back slightly and waited for Jensen to adjust; he felt Jensen's muscles clamp round him and Jensen titled his head back, exposing his throat fully to Jared as he thrust forward, causing Jensen to gasp. Jared set a slow pace, angling his thrusts so he brushed across Jensen's prostate. Jensen attempted to arch into his touch but the cuffs and Jared’s weight held him in place, so Jensen wrapped his legs around Jared's waist, resting his feet on Jared's ass, pulling him deeper.
Jared gently squeezed the hand that spanned the slender neck. Even in the candlelight Jared could see the deep, red flush creeping up Jensen face, his breathing becoming ragged. Jared increased the pace and force of his thrusts. Jensen fought hard against the cuffs, giving a guttural moan when a particularly deep thrust struck his prostate hard.
Jared knew he couldn't last much longer, the sensation of complete dominance over Jensen had taken him to the edge of orgasm, and he increased the pressure round Jensen’s throat, effectively cutting off his air supply. Jared couldn't take his eyes off Jensen's face as his breath began to hitch; he had to be sure that Jensen was alright as he felt the grip on his hand tighten. Jensen's back arched up off the bed as he shuddered, fighting to breathe, Jared was about to stop when he felt Jensen's ass muscles start to clamp down hard on his cock. He knew that Jensen was close and decided to take him over the edge.
“I want to see you come for me,” Jared growled.
Jensen's eyes flew open, finding Jared's then he came apart; come shot between their two bodies as Jensen's muscles locked with the force of his orgasm. He continued to tremble with the aftershocks, his body finally going limp. Jared loosened his grip on Jensen's throat, his own rhythm faltered and he followed Jensen into orgasm. Jared's vision whitened out and he allowed his head to fall on Jensen's chest, listening to Jensen's racing heartbeat while waiting for his own to slow.
For a second Jared zoned out as he lay there, feeling the warmth of Jensen's body. He finally shook himself out of his stupor; he had to look after Jensen. Jared pushed himself up, withdrawing slowly out of Jensen's body as he did so, the act earning him a wordless sound of protest from Jensen. He looked into Jensen's face. It was still flushed and his eyes were closed, eyelashes dampened with tears and sweat resting on his cheeks, but Jensen wore a peaceful expression on his face, a faint smile playing on his lips. Jared attempted to free his hand from Jensen's, but he still held tight “I think you need to let go,” Jared said, and Jensen responded “I thought you enjoyed it when I let go.” His voice was even huskier than before, and his eyes fluttered open. Jared grinned in delight at that.
“No, I mean I have to clean up, unless you want to spend the night stuck to me.”
“You make that sound like a bad thing, Jay.” A smirk appeared on Jensen's face. Jared knelt over Jensen and kissed him, as he shook their entwined hands. Jensen pouted but let go. Jared moved to the edge of the bed, where he waited until he was able to stand.
Once he was sure his legs would carry him, Jared got off the bed and walked to the bathroom. He got rid of the condom, and went to the sink, considering whether to get Jensen up and get him in the shower, but he knew he was having trouble standing, so holding Jensen up under the shower would pose quite a problem. Jared decided to quickly wash himself down, and then take care of Jensen; they could shower together in the morning. Besides, he needed to peel the wax off Jensen and bathe his skin in aloe to soothe any soreness left behind. He quickly ran some warm water, washing himself down and then toweling himself dry.
Jared ran fresh water and soaked a wash cloth in it; then he slung a towel over his shoulder and grabbed the bottle of Aloe and some cotton wool before returning to the bedroom. Jensen's breathing had deepened and Jared knew he was asleep. “Gone to sleep on me, Ackles? That's what happens when you get to be an old man!” Jared spoke softly so as not to wake Jensen, a warm smile on his face as he watched the man he’d sworn to look after get some much-needed rest.
Jared laid down his supplies and went to the head of the bed. He unfastened Jensen’s wrists, placing each arm down by his side, checking each wrist for abrasions. They were a little red, nothing a little Aloe wouldn't soothe. Jared knelt on the bed and tenderly touched Jensen' throat, checking for injury. There were red finger marks but they were fading slowly. Jared couldn't help himself; he bent over and ran a trail of feather-light kisses over the marks. He admired the way the marks looked, but he was glad they’d begun to fade.
Jared straightened up and started to peel at the wax trails on Jensen's skin. He teased the wax loose, watching it peel free of the freckled skin that shimmered with a golden lustre in the candlelight, the freckles deepened to flecks of burnished copper. The skin beneath the wax was still red. Jared followed the peeling wax with his fingers, checking for damage. As he progressed down Jensen's chest, he became aware he was being watched.
“I thought you were asleep?” He asked, looking into the half-open eyes, marveling at the colour swirling in those moss-green depths, gold, bronze and emerald. Jared could lose himself in those eyes. Jensen blinked, his long eyelashes sweeping his cheeks. “Well, I know I need my beauty sleep, being so ancient and all, but I was enjoying watching you.” A smile spread over Jensen's face and his eyes widened when Jared ran down the reddened area with his tongue. Jensen's head fell back, his lips parting as a faint moan escaped from them and Jared stopped, entranced by the sight.
Jared’s eyes travelled slowly up Jensen’s body, taking in the sight of come drying on his stomach and chest, like pearls scattered along the fading ruby lines left by the wax. This was crowned at the throat by the ghostly span of Jared’s hand, which was slowly fading away. Jared felt a rush of primal desire. He’d marked his mate, shown him who he belonged to, with each lick of flame he’d demonstrated his desire to be what was needed to take Jensen from himself. Jensen was his forever, and Jared belonged to Jensen in the same way. Jared’s eyes finally came to rest on Jensen’s, their eyes locking. Jensen was struck by the intensity of Jared’s stare and he knew what to do.....
“Yours!”
Jared climbed back up Jensen's body, pulling him close, kissing Jensen with a ferocity that stunned Jared; it was as if he was pouring everything he felt into the kiss, passion, possession, and above all, care, protection, and love. When he pulled back, Jensen's lips were parted, swollen, shining in the light. Panting from the intensity of the kiss Jared responded to Jensen,“Mine.”
With that Jared forced himself to return to the important task of bathing Jensen with the wash cloth. Jared wiped down each arm, and then carefully ran the cloth across Jensen's chest. He bathed his stomach, ensuring all the come was cleaned away. Jensen's cock twitched as Jared paid special attention to it, driving Jensen wild with slow sweeps of the cloth from base to tip. Then Jared repeated the process with the towel, slyly twisting his wrist slightly when he dried Jensen’s cock. Before he could become fully hard, Jared said, “Turn over I need to do your back." Jensen whimpered in frustration, but did as he was told.
Jared smiled; he would have to reward Jensen if he continued to be good. Jared repeated the process of peeling the cooled and hardened wax from Jensen's broad shoulders, peppering each piece of revealed skin with gentle kisses. He pulled the rest of the wax clear and followed the fiery line with his tongue, running down the crease of Jensen's ass. Jared could hear Jensen moaning into the pillow, and he continued with the sweet torture, sweeping down Jensen's back with the wash cloth. Jensen fisted his hands in the bed clothes, his hips humping into the bed. Jared couldn’t have that, so he drew back his hand and smacked Jensen on the ass.
“No, you are going to sleep when I’ve finished up, so behave yourself.” Jensen gave a moan that deepened to a growl and Jared mentally filed ‘enjoys being spanked’ away to use another time. Now all that was left to do was use the Aloe to cool the skin that had been splashed with the wax. Jared put the cloth to one side and used the towel to delicately dry off Jensen’s back then he grabbed the bottle of Aloe along with some of the cotton wool.
He dampened the fluffy, white material and gently swiped along the red lines across Jensen’s shoulders. The sudden chill of the liquid on his heated skin caused Jensen to shiver, his skin blooming with goose bumps. Jared laid a comforting hand against his ribs and continued to methodically work his way across. He then turned his attention to the line that ran the length of Jensen’s spine. Once he was satisfied with that, he settled his hand on Jensen’s back and ordered, “We’re nearly done, turn over for me.”
Jensen groaned. He was comfortable and all he wanted to do was sleep, but Jared had given him an order, so he rolled on his back once more to be greeted by the sight of Jared looming over him with a look of intense concentration on his face. Jensen shivered, thrilled at the expression. He had done that. He had given Jared back his control after a long week, when he knew Jared had been lost and had felt his control slipping through his fingers. Jensen had wanted to give him this chance to regain his equilibrium. Jared’s expression changed, the concentration slipping away to a tender smile when he spotted Jensen looking up at him. He placed his hand over Jensen’s heart, before he continued with his ministrations.
Each slow and gentle sweep with Aloe cooled Jensen’s heated skin almost as much as giving Jared control had eased the suffocating weight that Dean sometimes heaped on Jensen’s shoulders. It was in these moments that Jensen could truly breathe, he could let go. Jared would always be there to catch him when he stumbled under the burden of Dean’s pain and his own high standards. Jensen surrendered to the cooling sensation, sighing with pleasure as Jared continued with his slow, gentle application of the Aloe. He picked up each wrist, flexing it, checking that Jensen hadn’t damaged the delicate skin there when he’d fought against the cuffs. Finally Jared applied even more Aloe to ease any bruising.
A feeling of serenity stole over Jared as he drank in the sight of Jensen lying on the bed. Jared couldn’t help but be amazed by how beautiful he looked in that flickering golden light, the way his eyelashes swept against his cheeks, casting their own shadows, his full lips still swollen and red. The strong body that could more than hold its own against Jared’s strength when it needed to. But what captured Jared’s heart most at this time was how peaceful Jensen looked. The tension that had bowed his shoulders was gone. Where there had been lines of anxiety around Jensen’s eyes and mouth, these too had faded leaving him looking younger, lending him an air of innocence as he slowly slipped down into much-needed sleep.
Then it struck Jared. After days of feeling he was surrounded by cotton wool, everything was stripped away in a blinding moment of clarity. Jared understood what Jensen had been doing. Jensen had needed this as much as Jared had, but by denying himself his own release, Jensen had been taking care of Jared, who had been consumed by Sam. It was something that Jensen understood all too well, and he’d been subtly guiding Jared through the pitfalls of this episode. Jensen had known what the loss of control would do to Jared, and had channeled that energy to ensure that Jared had given the performance of his life as Sam.
Suddenly everything fell into place. Jensen had been on set when he should’ve been resting, so that Jared had someone to help ground him a little when things had gotten too overwhelming. Jensen had deliberately subdued his own needs, withdrawing into himself so as not to pressure Jared further. Cliff’s remarks about Jensen’s guiding of the mood on set, and his ensuring Jared’s comfort when tied up, both came into focus.
Finally Jared understood it had not been Jensen withdrawing from him, but the other way round; he had withdrawn from Jensen. Jared thought back to how, every night when they had gotten home he’d gone down to the gym to work out his frustrations and fears that Sam’s withdrawal were causing him, leaving Jensen to deal with the day’s filming on his own. Jensen had wanted desperately to offer his submission to Jared, and to give back Jared his control but Jensen had known that they needed to finish the episode first.
Jared felt a surge of pride and love for the man sleeping on the bed. Jared was the dominant partner when it was called for, and yet Jensen had taken care of him throughout this. He was honored that Jensen had submitted to him and allowed Jared to finally take care of him. Jared stood up and pulled the quilt back as far as he could, then he picked Jensen up and placed him beneath the covers, Jensen stirred at the movement until Jared stroked Jensen’s arm, calming him, then Jared went round the round the room extinguishing the candles one by one. As the darkness grew, Jared took a final look at Jensen’s serene face then he climbed in bed beside him, pulling the quilt over them both.
The next morning Jensen was woken by the softest of kisses being pressed to his lips. His eyes fluttered open to be greeted by Jared kneeling at the side of the bed, running his fingers through his hair. Jensen loved these mornings. Since they had started on this path he had noticed that Jared enjoyed little rituals, and Jensen had started to look forward to them as well.
The rituals that Jared had established ran like this. First of all they took a shower together, nothing too out of the ordinary there, but when Jared was in charge these showers took a little longer. He washed Jensen; there was no arguing about it, it was slow and sensuous with Jared checking every mark to see if they would need to be tended to once he’d dried Jensen off.
Then Jared dressed him. This had come about the first time Jared had taken care of Jensen, after he had been hurt and unable to dress himself. Jared had enjoyed it so much, and now Jensen appreciated the intimacy of it. Jared always picked comfortable clothes so they could relax, and there was usually one of Jared’s shirts or hoodies involved. Jared would rather die than admit he had a kink for Jensen wearing his clothes and Jensen had no intention of letting Jared know he’d realized, as he really didn’t want to see just how hard Jared could spank him. Well, at least not yet. Jensen was enjoying just how each new part of their relationship was evolving; every time he gave up control to Jared, he was discovering something new.
Jensen was relaxing under the warm shower with Jared, and as usual Jared was running his hands slowly over Jensen’s body, washing, caressing, and checking to see how Jensen reacted to pressure on the fading coral trails from the wax. Jared seemed happy with the slight shiver he’d given when he’d run his hands first down his spine and then down his chest. He pulled Jensen to his chest and turned the water off. “Come on, let’s get you dressed, then I’m making pancakes.”
Jensen was puzzled. This was new, but he followed Jared out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and quickly dried himself off, before reaching for a dry one to repeat the process with Jensen. Jared appraised Jensen while he dried him. “The marks are fading; I don’t think we need any more Aloe. Come on.” Jensen allowed Jared to lead him to the bedroom, where a pile of clothes were waiting for them. Jared quickly dressed himself then turned back to his waiting boyfriend. “Come here” The words were low and laced with command, and Jensen stepped into Jared’s personal space with a smirk.
Jared narrowed his eyes. Jensen was tempting him to do something he wouldn’t regret, but he wanted to talk to Jensen about what had happened during the last week. He cupped the back of Jensen’s head and pulled him in for a slow, lazy kiss, Jensen resting his hands on Jared’s hip. Jared pulled away, running his hand down Jensen’s back before playfully swatting his ass, making Jensen yelp then blush. Jared stepped back and proceeded to dress Jensen in boxers, sweat pants and an old hoody that had been stretched by too many washes and was too big, even for Jared. Jensen quirked an eyebrow, but wisely kept quiet when he saw Jared’s face light up with a beaming smile as Jensen was engulfed in the well-worn, soft material.
Jensen raised his arm and Jared started to laugh, the hoody was enormous on Jensen. The sleeve fell over his hand completely so the raised arm was swamped, and judging by the motion of the sleeve, Jensen was waggling his fingers in protest. The neck had stretched so much it meant that one of Jensen’s shoulders was slightly bared. Jared’s smile became broader, and he reached for Jensen’s glasses, perching them on his nose with the words, “Come on sexy, I’m cooking breakfast, remember?” Jared took the outstretched hand and led Jensen down to the kitchen.
Once in the kitchen, Jared poured Jensen a cup of coffee and started to make the promised pancakes. Jensen stood and watched as Jared worked. He still couldn’t believe this quiet, contained man was the same one who could clear the set with his gas, and the same one who had thrown a crew member over his shoulder, and then stood there, calmly talking to Phil as if nothing had happened, all while the hapless man yelled for help from the other grinning crew members.
Jared had revealed his dominant nature to Jensen on more than one occasion now, and it never ceased to surprise Jensen how much of a change came over Jared. The playfulness was subdued, and Jared’s more serious nature came out; Jared’s movements altered, became more precise and restrained, and an air of stillness settled over him. Jensen was used to the constant nervous energy which surrounded Jared, but when his dominant side came out, it was if all that energy was focused in one place, and Jensen found himself ensnared at its centre.
Jared took command of Jensen as if he’d been waiting his whole life to do so, yet he never raised his voice. One whispered word was enough to send Jensen willingly to his knees, and yet it wasn’t the centre of their relationship. This was an element they both needed, craved even. Jared treated it with the respect it deserved, and for that, Jensen couldn’t love Jared more.
Jensen was pulled from his thoughts by Jared putting a plate loaded with pancakes in front of him. He noted that Jared was similarly burdened with a mountain of pancakes for himself. They sat down, and Jensen suddenly realized how hungry he was, he hadn’t been eating well for the last week.
Coupled with the disturbed nights, Jensen felt drained, but last night had started the healing process, and by the end of the weekend he would be ready to face the Season Finale and Eric running riot all over the set.
They ate in silence for a while. It was Jared who broke the silence. “I want to apologize to you, Jensen. I’m supposed to take care of you, and yet this week all you’ve done is look after me.” A forkful of pancake froze midway to Jensen’s mouth at that statement, and he lowered the fork.
“I know that you’ve been having nightmares, and judging by the way you’re inhaling the pancakes. I’d say you’ve not been eating right. I blame myself. I should have been paying attention instead of being so wrapped up in Sam…” Before Jared could continue further Jensen spoke.
“Okay Jay, stop right there. I love the way you look after me, man, but don’t you realize it cuts both ways? Don’t you think I’ve got the right to take care of you too? I could see how much this was taking out of you, how much you hated losing control like that. Fuck, half the time it was all I could do not to storm onto the set and drag you out of there. It’s hard for me seeing you hurting like that, so the appetite went south, and I just kept on seeing you after the seizure scene, and how ill you looked. It just got to me, that’s all.”
Jared stared at Jensen, his mouth open as if he wanted to say something, when Jensen reached across and took his hand before fixing Jared with a piercing stare.
“Jay, you say my submitting to you is a gift, and I decide when and how I make that gift, and last night was the perfect time. I needed to let go, I wanted you to take care of me, and you did, but at the same time, I wanted to give you back your control, and I hope I did that for you. Sometimes you have to let me take care of you.” With that, Jensen slipped off his seat and knelt in front of Jared.
Jared stared down into Jensen’s green eyes, marveling anew at how such a strong man like Jensen was prepared to offer himself so completely to Jared. He just hoped that he could prove himself worthy of Jensen’s trust. Jared reached out and caressed Jensen’s face, and taking a deep breath Jared said, “We’ll just have to take care of each other then.”