"Semi-Censored LiveJournal Update. For your pleasure and his protection" or "Mannerisms"
Well, Hot Italian asked me to go see the fourth Harry Potter movie in Chicago in the IMAX theater. Now, I am real excited to go with him, and I am real excited to go to Chicago, but this event is complicated.
Hot Italian is still in the closet at school, except a close circle of friends he has told. The email to Hot Italian below outlines the concerns I have about this trip. I naturally censored his name, for comedic purposes, and to maintain his anonymity.
Hot Italian:
I would really enjoy going with you [and your friends] to go see the Harry Potter movie. I just need to know what time and day this weekend you plan on leaving. Of course, I will pay for my movie ticket. Although, would I have to chip in for gas and mileage? Just let me know retarding possible gas fees I may have to pay, and let me know as soon as possible the day and time because my boss asked me to work extra hours on Saturday. If you are going on Sat, I will have to turn her down. :P
There is another issue at hand that I would like your input for. I understand that you are not out to your friends yet, but if I were to go with you to Chicago, wouldn't I give them suspicion? Truth be told, I am obviously gay and I am concerned that if I were to go with you to the city your friends, they would either think we are dating or figure out that we are dating, even though we would not be showing affection for each other. I do not want to put you in a situation that would make you uncomfortable if I were to go with you and your friends.
Do not worry. If you do allow me to go with you to Chicago, I wouldn't "act up" by chasing random guys or saying anything sexually provocative or grabbing you in a suggestive manner, or anything. However I will say that it is impossible for me to hide my gay mannerisms. If you feel that I should not go because you feel your friends would question me and you, I would not get mad because I know the situation you are in regarding how open you want to be with your friends. I was in similar situations when I was younger so you shouldn't think that I do not know how self-conscious you may be.
I hope you are not irritated at me with this email. I just want to be honest with you. Let me know what you are thinking. I hope I can still go with you to Chicago because the city is incredible....although Manhattan has a better skyline.
Nick~~
Terry and Shaun are saying, "Just go with him to Chicago!" I want to, but I don't want to put him in an uncomfortable situation in which he would have to do something he is not prepared to do--explain himself to his friends.
This subject relates to another incident that happened to me recently, in a tertiary manner.
A short while ago I was a friends house, and one of his roommates was in his room playing on the 'net. I introduced myself, and I noticed that he had a PlayStation Portable machine. I was really amazed by the device, so I discussed the PSP with the roommate. Then we proceeded to talk about video games in general. Since we had a similar interest in video games, I though that it would be a good idea to "friend" him in LiveJournal. I sent him an email because the roommate's LJ is friends-only. Below is the email I sent him asking for his permission.
Roommate of Friend:
It is Nick. I am asking for your permission to add me to your friends list. If you friend me, I will friend you, naturally. I hope you say "yes."
I look forward to seeing you sometime in the near future.
Rock Lobster.
Right here you'll see his reply to my innocuous request.
Hey Nick,
I'm always up for making new friends and acquaintances. However, to be absolutely frank, my gut is telling me something is amiss here. I can't quite tell if it is merely overenthusiastic friendliness on your part or if it is you scoping me out as potential date material. If it is the former... then please chill out. I'm a friendly guy. Ask anybody.
If it is the latter... then I feel I would be doing you a disservice if I failed to point out at the earliest possible opportunity that I am, in fact, Straight.
If you'd still like me to friend you on my LJ, I'd be glad to, but I don't want my "yes" to be misconstrued in any way.
Wow. I was angry. So I replied with this.
Roommate of Friend:
I am glad I waited a few minutes to reply to your email you sent me because the original draft was much angrier. Hell, I am still mad, but I waited and organized my thoughts into something logical.
I know you are straight. I thought that our similar interests in video games would, at least, warrant you adding me to your friends list in LJ. I did not think that our initial conversation would be misinterpreted as something more than it possibly was: a conversation about video games. Perhaps I am wrong. However, just because an obviously-gay guy, me, shows an interest in something you like, does not mean that I want to screw you.
I re-read the first email I sent to you just to see if there was any room for misinterpretation, and there is absolutely none. Then I thought back to our first conversation we had, and again, I do not see where you are getting your "gut feeling." I do not even think I came off as "enthusiastically friendly" in both situations. I am confused, and insulted.
If me talking to you about PlayStation Portable machines and video games, and then asking you to friend me in LiveJournal, is going to make you this nervous, than just ignore my request. I refuse to "chill out" because I cannot deal with the fact that no matter how innocuous a simple request can be, it will usually be interpreted as a pass, from a typical straight guy.
Respectfully
Nick
To which he replied...
Nick,
I apologize if I offended you.
My gut feeling was not based off any contextual cues from our brief conversation, your request regarding my LJ or any wacked out homophobic assumptions. It was simply an instinctive feeling and instincts are, by their nature, not rational. As I mentioned, I could just as easily attribute it to social awkwardness and misinterpretation as I could for inconvenient intentions.
Again, I apologize if I insulted you. The intent of my reply was not to accuse you of anything and I was not making an assumption about your intentions. I was speaking of possibilities because I could only think of two reasons for an alarm to go off in my head like that. Actually, the intent of my reply was primarily to prevent any possibility of confusion or leading you on in any way if (for some reason) you had the wrong idea.
That's not to say I was certain you had the wrong idea... it was just one possibility. I just feel it is far better to be clear and up front about such things than muck about with vagaries.
Point of fact, you don't have the wrong idea and you have stated so clearly. It seems our social chemistry just triggered a false alarm on my part. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. After all, that's what instincts are for. Though it is regrettable that they aren't always interpreted accurately. Again...I refer back to the fact that instincts are not rational.
.
I probably could have phrased my reply better and I apologise for that as well. Once again, I am sorry that you took offense it. It really was not intended with any judgment or ill will.
Later,
Apology accepted.
Now, even though the possible trip to Chicago with Hot Italian, and the Roommate of Friend email event, are two different things, I believe that they are related. They are related because of something that has weight in gay culture. I am talking about how "gay" someone is. I am talking about the queuescues that let the world know "This guy is a gay."
I am 26, and it has taken me quite a while to get used to being in my own skin. To be more exact, I should say to get more comfortable in my own skin. In gay culture, and American society, there is a high price on masculinity. Most gay men especially seem to be "chasing masculinity" whenever they look for a potential partner.
With regard to myself and these two situations, would have Roommate of Friend asked me if my intentions were honorable if I were gay OR if I were incognito? Would I be nearly as nervous regarding the trip with Hot Italian if I could pass as "straight?"
I don't know. Yes, I wish I were incognito, because there are social hindrances regarding "gay" gay men. Yes, I wish I were incognito because there is a high commodity on masculinity. Like I just said, it has taken me a while to accept the fact that I am typically queer. However, I have to wonder sometimes...
§
Hot Italian is still in the closet at school, except a close circle of friends he has told. The email to Hot Italian below outlines the concerns I have about this trip. I naturally censored his name, for comedic purposes, and to maintain his anonymity.
Hot Italian:
I would really enjoy going with you [and your friends] to go see the Harry Potter movie. I just need to know what time and day this weekend you plan on leaving. Of course, I will pay for my movie ticket. Although, would I have to chip in for gas and mileage? Just let me know retarding possible gas fees I may have to pay, and let me know as soon as possible the day and time because my boss asked me to work extra hours on Saturday. If you are going on Sat, I will have to turn her down. :P
There is another issue at hand that I would like your input for. I understand that you are not out to your friends yet, but if I were to go with you to Chicago, wouldn't I give them suspicion? Truth be told, I am obviously gay and I am concerned that if I were to go with you to the city your friends, they would either think we are dating or figure out that we are dating, even though we would not be showing affection for each other. I do not want to put you in a situation that would make you uncomfortable if I were to go with you and your friends.
Do not worry. If you do allow me to go with you to Chicago, I wouldn't "act up" by chasing random guys or saying anything sexually provocative or grabbing you in a suggestive manner, or anything. However I will say that it is impossible for me to hide my gay mannerisms. If you feel that I should not go because you feel your friends would question me and you, I would not get mad because I know the situation you are in regarding how open you want to be with your friends. I was in similar situations when I was younger so you shouldn't think that I do not know how self-conscious you may be.
I hope you are not irritated at me with this email. I just want to be honest with you. Let me know what you are thinking. I hope I can still go with you to Chicago because the city is incredible....although Manhattan has a better skyline.
Nick~~
Terry and Shaun are saying, "Just go with him to Chicago!" I want to, but I don't want to put him in an uncomfortable situation in which he would have to do something he is not prepared to do--explain himself to his friends.
This subject relates to another incident that happened to me recently, in a tertiary manner.
A short while ago I was a friends house, and one of his roommates was in his room playing on the 'net. I introduced myself, and I noticed that he had a PlayStation Portable machine. I was really amazed by the device, so I discussed the PSP with the roommate. Then we proceeded to talk about video games in general. Since we had a similar interest in video games, I though that it would be a good idea to "friend" him in LiveJournal. I sent him an email because the roommate's LJ is friends-only. Below is the email I sent him asking for his permission.
Roommate of Friend:
It is Nick. I am asking for your permission to add me to your friends list. If you friend me, I will friend you, naturally. I hope you say "yes."
I look forward to seeing you sometime in the near future.
Rock Lobster.
Right here you'll see his reply to my innocuous request.
Hey Nick,
I'm always up for making new friends and acquaintances. However, to be absolutely frank, my gut is telling me something is amiss here. I can't quite tell if it is merely overenthusiastic friendliness on your part or if it is you scoping me out as potential date material. If it is the former... then please chill out. I'm a friendly guy. Ask anybody.
If it is the latter... then I feel I would be doing you a disservice if I failed to point out at the earliest possible opportunity that I am, in fact, Straight.
If you'd still like me to friend you on my LJ, I'd be glad to, but I don't want my "yes" to be misconstrued in any way.
Wow. I was angry. So I replied with this.
Roommate of Friend:
I am glad I waited a few minutes to reply to your email you sent me because the original draft was much angrier. Hell, I am still mad, but I waited and organized my thoughts into something logical.
I know you are straight. I thought that our similar interests in video games would, at least, warrant you adding me to your friends list in LJ. I did not think that our initial conversation would be misinterpreted as something more than it possibly was: a conversation about video games. Perhaps I am wrong. However, just because an obviously-gay guy, me, shows an interest in something you like, does not mean that I want to screw you.
I re-read the first email I sent to you just to see if there was any room for misinterpretation, and there is absolutely none. Then I thought back to our first conversation we had, and again, I do not see where you are getting your "gut feeling." I do not even think I came off as "enthusiastically friendly" in both situations. I am confused, and insulted.
If me talking to you about PlayStation Portable machines and video games, and then asking you to friend me in LiveJournal, is going to make you this nervous, than just ignore my request. I refuse to "chill out" because I cannot deal with the fact that no matter how innocuous a simple request can be, it will usually be interpreted as a pass, from a typical straight guy.
Respectfully
Nick
To which he replied...
Nick,
I apologize if I offended you.
My gut feeling was not based off any contextual cues from our brief conversation, your request regarding my LJ or any wacked out homophobic assumptions. It was simply an instinctive feeling and instincts are, by their nature, not rational. As I mentioned, I could just as easily attribute it to social awkwardness and misinterpretation as I could for inconvenient intentions.
Again, I apologize if I insulted you. The intent of my reply was not to accuse you of anything and I was not making an assumption about your intentions. I was speaking of possibilities because I could only think of two reasons for an alarm to go off in my head like that. Actually, the intent of my reply was primarily to prevent any possibility of confusion or leading you on in any way if (for some reason) you had the wrong idea.
That's not to say I was certain you had the wrong idea... it was just one possibility. I just feel it is far better to be clear and up front about such things than muck about with vagaries.
Point of fact, you don't have the wrong idea and you have stated so clearly. It seems our social chemistry just triggered a false alarm on my part. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. After all, that's what instincts are for. Though it is regrettable that they aren't always interpreted accurately. Again...I refer back to the fact that instincts are not rational.
.
I probably could have phrased my reply better and I apologise for that as well. Once again, I am sorry that you took offense it. It really was not intended with any judgment or ill will.
Later,
Apology accepted.
Now, even though the possible trip to Chicago with Hot Italian, and the Roommate of Friend email event, are two different things, I believe that they are related. They are related because of something that has weight in gay culture. I am talking about how "gay" someone is. I am talking about the queuescues that let the world know "This guy is a gay."
I am 26, and it has taken me quite a while to get used to being in my own skin. To be more exact, I should say to get more comfortable in my own skin. In gay culture, and American society, there is a high price on masculinity. Most gay men especially seem to be "chasing masculinity" whenever they look for a potential partner.
With regard to myself and these two situations, would have Roommate of Friend asked me if my intentions were honorable if I were gay OR if I were incognito? Would I be nearly as nervous regarding the trip with Hot Italian if I could pass as "straight?"
I don't know. Yes, I wish I were incognito, because there are social hindrances regarding "gay" gay men. Yes, I wish I were incognito because there is a high commodity on masculinity. Like I just said, it has taken me a while to accept the fact that I am typically queer. However, I have to wonder sometimes...
§