Hulk Smash....!
For the most part, this semester has been surprisingly successful and rewarding. Since I have used the previous semesters as primarily "busy work," I made sure that the classes I chose this semester felt real, relevant. Strangely, half of my classes are online classes, which means that I submit homework and tests through an online system called SNAP. I find it strange, but it is efficient. It works for me.
But last Friday I woke up feeling like I was going to accomplish something. I just had a feeling that...well...everything was going to be OK. I only had three assignments that had to be submitted online, but I knew I needed a text book I don't have, for reference. So I had to go all the way to Parkland College to get that text book. "OK," I think to myself, "I'll just do my homework at school." That was not to be since the library computers did not have the actual SNAP program installed. Reluctantly, I go back to the house, still focused.
I'm back at home, and I'm doing my homework. I got stuck on an easy problem. The text book I signed out wasn't helping. The actual excel text book for my excel class wasn't helping. I spent nearly two hours on one goddamn problem.
And then I lost my patience and my sanity.
I smashed my computer to death. So my laptop is in pieces, broken and non-functional, obviously. I just got so angry at the fact it took me nearly 2.5 hours to do nothing. Yes, nothing. After my fit, I annotated how I spent my morning. I made it to the bus stop at 9:40am. I was at school by 10:15am. I tried to do my homework there, but couldn't since there was no installed program on the library computers. So I went back home and I made it home by 11:10. I immediately (tried to) start my submissions, but couldn't, which took me until around 12:25am. That was when I destroyed my computer. It took me 2.5 hours to do nothing. Literally. I got nothing done. I just wasted time on public transportation, signing out a book I can't even use now, and trying to do easy homework. I literally did nothing. For almost three hours.
And you know what? I didn't actually do anything to the computer that it wasn't going to do on its own. Not once, but twice, my computer got stuck in one of those "constantly restarting" sequences. The first time it happened was about a week ago, but the computer fixed itself. Then, a few days before I took out my anger on my machine, the computer completely froze. I restarted it, like a good automaton, but then the computer just kept restarting over and over again. That is a tell-tale sign the harddrive is about to crash in the machine. I actually had to flip my computer over to remove the LI-ion battery.
Maybe I realized my computer was going to break. Maybe getting a two-year-old computer repaired is exactly the same as simply buying a new one. Maybe I got frustrated at the fact I could have had my easy homework done earlier in the week. Maybe I just didn't care. But I fucking yelled and beat the computer, and keys were flying off in different directions. It was blind rage. And I did feel a sense of catharsis after my emotional outburst.
*sigh*
So now I have a computer in pieces. Now I have tons of wasted time. What can I do? Spend money I was going to spend anyway, on a new computer, since my harddrive was about to crash. I can submit my homework in one of the computer labs I know has the SNAP system. I think I can also start submitting homework earlier in the week, which I've been doing. I just need to make more of a habit of it. I also need to get some personal files from the defunct harddrive.
One day at a time, Nick.
⊗
But last Friday I woke up feeling like I was going to accomplish something. I just had a feeling that...well...everything was going to be OK. I only had three assignments that had to be submitted online, but I knew I needed a text book I don't have, for reference. So I had to go all the way to Parkland College to get that text book. "OK," I think to myself, "I'll just do my homework at school." That was not to be since the library computers did not have the actual SNAP program installed. Reluctantly, I go back to the house, still focused.
I'm back at home, and I'm doing my homework. I got stuck on an easy problem. The text book I signed out wasn't helping. The actual excel text book for my excel class wasn't helping. I spent nearly two hours on one goddamn problem.
And then I lost my patience and my sanity.
I smashed my computer to death. So my laptop is in pieces, broken and non-functional, obviously. I just got so angry at the fact it took me nearly 2.5 hours to do nothing. Yes, nothing. After my fit, I annotated how I spent my morning. I made it to the bus stop at 9:40am. I was at school by 10:15am. I tried to do my homework there, but couldn't since there was no installed program on the library computers. So I went back home and I made it home by 11:10. I immediately (tried to) start my submissions, but couldn't, which took me until around 12:25am. That was when I destroyed my computer. It took me 2.5 hours to do nothing. Literally. I got nothing done. I just wasted time on public transportation, signing out a book I can't even use now, and trying to do easy homework. I literally did nothing. For almost three hours.
And you know what? I didn't actually do anything to the computer that it wasn't going to do on its own. Not once, but twice, my computer got stuck in one of those "constantly restarting" sequences. The first time it happened was about a week ago, but the computer fixed itself. Then, a few days before I took out my anger on my machine, the computer completely froze. I restarted it, like a good automaton, but then the computer just kept restarting over and over again. That is a tell-tale sign the harddrive is about to crash in the machine. I actually had to flip my computer over to remove the LI-ion battery.
Maybe I realized my computer was going to break. Maybe getting a two-year-old computer repaired is exactly the same as simply buying a new one. Maybe I got frustrated at the fact I could have had my easy homework done earlier in the week. Maybe I just didn't care. But I fucking yelled and beat the computer, and keys were flying off in different directions. It was blind rage. And I did feel a sense of catharsis after my emotional outburst.
*sigh*
So now I have a computer in pieces. Now I have tons of wasted time. What can I do? Spend money I was going to spend anyway, on a new computer, since my harddrive was about to crash. I can submit my homework in one of the computer labs I know has the SNAP system. I think I can also start submitting homework earlier in the week, which I've been doing. I just need to make more of a habit of it. I also need to get some personal files from the defunct harddrive.
One day at a time, Nick.
⊗