Life and Balance
For the past year, since before I even went to California for a couple of months, I've wanted some sort of balance in my life. When I graduated high school, I felt so put together, composed, so to speak. I had the boyfriend, I had the job, I had side jobs, I was excelling in school, and I still had time for my friends and family. Now that I am about to have that balance again, I wonder if I will be biting off more than I can chew.
But I yearn for the balance and finally I will have it. Maybe. I feel myself having to lean way more into school and work than I would have preferred. This will be the first time in my life (save for the couple of months that I worked at Cici's Pizza when I was 16) that I will work for someone who isn't family or close friends of mine. I'm worried that I won't be able to fit in very well, or show them how hard of a worker I am, but there is a first time for everything and I'm hoping to be the friendliest, happiest, most accurate cashier at Home Depot that I can be. Furthermore, I still have side jobs to either keep me sane or drive me to the cliffs of insanity. Guess we will find out. I found that I have a hard time saying no to people who I feel need me. I babysit five hours a week for this sweet little boy, while his mother attends night classes. I feel as though if I told her I couldn't, she might not be able to pursue her career. The thought of her being able to find another person never really enters my mind! Then I clean for three hours for a lady who is confined to a wheelchair. Just the basics, and she has told me over and over that she doesn't want me to quit, that she will work around MY schedule. She could also probably find someone else, but I don't want to disappoint her.
Then I come to school, where for the first time since I started college I will have to take five classes, instead of four. I'm nervous only because work is no longer flexible. What I mean is, I can't just call off because I haven't finished a paper -- they are NOT my parents who will cater to the time I might need to finish something, or let me do homework at work.They are an association who will have to care about covering their grounds, not ensuring I get the A's I need. Which...I found I do need to get. I need to get the A's, and I need to do more volunteer work, furthermore, I need to make my name known. My advisor told me that out of 280 applicants, they only take 30 for the Master's Program I'd like to pursue. OUCH! At least this is one thing Home Depot can do to assist me (other than...you know, provide income). They do so much in the community that I can find volunteer work through them, maybe try to getmy own ideas out there for community drives, and hopefully my name will get known in Sarasota County.
I tried to do community service once, as a Big Sister for the Big Brother's and Big Sister's program in Sarasota. I feel like I really let everyone down. I liked the little girl, a lot, and I wanted to stand by her, but then I had to go to California out of the blue and at last notice, and well...that was it. I only hope that they found someone patient and kind to mentor her. In a way I am relieved, it took a lot of extra time and thought and for some reason I never really thought she liked me, even though she cried when I left.
I have an amazing boyfriend, the awesome friends (both in RL and the ones I have online that do so much to keep me sane!), the wonderful family, and I worry about when I may find time to be with them. But I will, it is one of the only things that will make me happy.
There are five other things I am going to drive to do for this year to help balance out my already busy life.
1) I'd like to eat healthier foods
2) I want to write more. Even if I don't write my own original characters, I have this amazing community that I help maintain and I want to be a part of it more. I want to make my characters known. It is one thing that helps my stress levels. I want to carry around my journal(s) again, writing things that make me happy in one of them and ideas and thoughts for my characters or the game itself in the other. Maybe one day I will write my own ideas, my own characters, but for now, it is great practice. Plus, it helps with school...last semester I took at this univeristy I had a TON of papers, and because I was already writing a ton, they all took about half the time they would have typically.
3) I want to get more spiritual. I want to find more time to read the Bible, to converse with my family about God and Jesus. I want to establish a better relationship with both.
4) I want to exercise more. I plan on joining a gym again now that I have more income. There is one near me that charges 12 dollars a month and I need the exercise.
5) I want to read the books that I want to read! I want to read at least one book each month. This doesn't sound like much, especially coming from a girl who spent her youth with her nose in books, but it's more than I've been able to in a while. I hope that the gym will help this, if I get on the ellipitical machine and bring along my book (hopefully it won't have to be my textbooks!).
There we have it...balance. Or so I hope.