(no subject)
when will things look up? hopefully soon...I dont know how much more shit I can take, i'd settle to have even an average day, an okay time, why does it always have to be bad? I took for granted so many things and I have learned to miss everything I used to think was the end of the world like being in high school...not being old enough. I hate being alone I never thought i'd be here alone. I miss my husband...I know he isn't coming back but it still hurts to see him leave me here to rot and turn around and get a girlfriend who is in high school and knows nothing about him or our marriage, or real life. I was with him before I could drive, I built everything that surrounds me on the grounds of us being together and now I am alone and stuck and besides that I have an array of problems that make everything worse than it needs to be and people are constantly asking me how I can even stand waking up in the morning anymore after everything i have been through so far and now I am beginning to ask myself the same question. Nothing gets better. At least I remember where I came from and what happened because Will pretends like he is 18 again and all of this never happened and that makes me cry because I feel like a dark shadow no one wants around, a problem you can't fix, a wound that doesn't heal, a scar you try to hide...to me he is a fading star...he used to light up my darkest nights but now my world is getting darker as his personality burns out and I know I didn't marry the man I know today...anyone can see that, even his own friends now. I still hold on to memories of my high school sweetheart, my husband, my best friend because that is all I have left...memories.