(no subject)
28 days.
Waiting to get everything wrapped up on the house has really made me look back on a lot of things. It honestly feels like we're going to be stepping into a new phase of... life? Maybe? As cliche as that sounds... We're getting a HOUSE. I can't wait! Either way, I've been going through papers and sorting through the layers of everything I own.
First and foremost, I'm a packrat. I keep EVERYTHING. I had, literally, STACKS of lyrics. Just lyrics. Pages and pages of printed lyrics from when I was 13-??? when I wanted to learn the words to songs and didn't have any other method of keeping them, so I just printed them off. I made myself finally throw them out, because I know that I can find them online, and I've memorized half of them as it is. Yeah, it was a lot of paper.
Ten years of stuff. Amazingly, compared to some people, ten years of my stuff is not that much, even the packrat side, but it's really baffling to me. Ten years ago, I still lived in Buffalo. Hell, ten years ago Archy was still alive, albeit sick as hell. I was going to SHA ten years ago, wearing schoolgirl uniforms, then coming home at night and roleplaying with Zee, Catty, Wade, Hippolyte, and the entire amazon gang. Ten years ago I fell in love with anime, met absolutely awesome friends, both in and out of school, and was incredibly happy with that world I lived in.
It's been a long road. I miss talking to those people from oh-so-long-ago. I don't know where most of them are anymore, and a lot of it's my fault. I've never been good at keeping up with people. I miss them a great deal, and I really wonder where they are now. Some I have an inkling, from posts like this in old places that you still think to check once in awhile. And, of course, they're always facebook, so I know people are still there, somewhere. But some I don't know anymore. Some people I lost touch with a long time ago, and for some of them I'm not really sure how it happened.
Roleplaying was still the best era of my life. It was fun, and the people you came to know were both exciting and genuine. It's funny how the people who prefer to wear the masks are often the most honest. Somewhere along the way, I just assimilated a little too complete with mine. I forgot there was a difference.
There once was a saying about a glass smile... I think mine shattered.
There's something entirely soothing about writing in this journal again, maybe because I know pretty much no one reads this anymore.
It all started with words, just not the verbal kind. I've never been the verbal kind.
Maybe I just need to start over. It would be nice.
Ten years feels a little like relief when you finally throw some of it away. But, it also feels a little melancholy for all that I've lost. Maybe one day that era will role around again.
I dreamed of you...
Waiting to get everything wrapped up on the house has really made me look back on a lot of things. It honestly feels like we're going to be stepping into a new phase of... life? Maybe? As cliche as that sounds... We're getting a HOUSE. I can't wait! Either way, I've been going through papers and sorting through the layers of everything I own.
First and foremost, I'm a packrat. I keep EVERYTHING. I had, literally, STACKS of lyrics. Just lyrics. Pages and pages of printed lyrics from when I was 13-??? when I wanted to learn the words to songs and didn't have any other method of keeping them, so I just printed them off. I made myself finally throw them out, because I know that I can find them online, and I've memorized half of them as it is. Yeah, it was a lot of paper.
Ten years of stuff. Amazingly, compared to some people, ten years of my stuff is not that much, even the packrat side, but it's really baffling to me. Ten years ago, I still lived in Buffalo. Hell, ten years ago Archy was still alive, albeit sick as hell. I was going to SHA ten years ago, wearing schoolgirl uniforms, then coming home at night and roleplaying with Zee, Catty, Wade, Hippolyte, and the entire amazon gang. Ten years ago I fell in love with anime, met absolutely awesome friends, both in and out of school, and was incredibly happy with that world I lived in.
It's been a long road. I miss talking to those people from oh-so-long-ago. I don't know where most of them are anymore, and a lot of it's my fault. I've never been good at keeping up with people. I miss them a great deal, and I really wonder where they are now. Some I have an inkling, from posts like this in old places that you still think to check once in awhile. And, of course, they're always facebook, so I know people are still there, somewhere. But some I don't know anymore. Some people I lost touch with a long time ago, and for some of them I'm not really sure how it happened.
Roleplaying was still the best era of my life. It was fun, and the people you came to know were both exciting and genuine. It's funny how the people who prefer to wear the masks are often the most honest. Somewhere along the way, I just assimilated a little too complete with mine. I forgot there was a difference.
There once was a saying about a glass smile... I think mine shattered.
There's something entirely soothing about writing in this journal again, maybe because I know pretty much no one reads this anymore.
It all started with words, just not the verbal kind. I've never been the verbal kind.
Maybe I just need to start over. It would be nice.
Ten years feels a little like relief when you finally throw some of it away. But, it also feels a little melancholy for all that I've lost. Maybe one day that era will role around again.
I dreamed of you...