next part of fanfic-ness
Jeremy wasn’t sure he was supposed to or even how. Of course he wanted to know! He quickly scrawled off a letter back simply saying, “Yes” before trying to get back to work. For the next two weeks he could barely keep focused. He would be typing up a story and suddenly be lost in thought about Bam and Ville. When the letter finally came; it was all he could do to finish his article before opening Bam’s new letter.
“Jeremy-
People made speculations about Ville and me from almost the beginning. I guess the whole matching tattoos and heartagrams all over my house might have gotten people wondering. Actually, we didn’t get together until much later.
I remember in was first week of April 2006 before I realized I had “feelings” or Ville. We had just finished shooting for the second video of “Killing Loneliness” and we were all just hanging out at the Russian hotel afterwards. Ville and Jonna had broken up right before that and Ville wasn’t dealing real well. His asthma had been getting worse and he was in a bad mood all the time. Anyway, we were all sitting around his hotel room when he had another attack. A bad one. I don’t remember if his inhaler was just empty, or if the medication wasn’t working, I just remember everyone freaking out as Ville gasped for breath. I guess some sort of strange instinct took over because I got behind Ville on the bed and hugged him. I talked quietly to him for awhile. I’m not sure how long we sat like that. I lost all track of time. I asked Kat once how long she thought we sat there. I remember I expected her to say something like, “oh three minutes or so,” and was kind of shocked when she said, “twenty.” I remember some of what I said to Ville that night. I whispered to him, “Okay Willa. Calm down. It’s all right. Just breathe. Feel me breathing? Copy me: In and Out; nice and slow. It’s okay; you’re okay, everyone here loves you and cares about you,” I just kept talking trying to be as soothing as possible and finally his breathing started to return to normal. Seppo insisted at that point to take Ville to the hospital.
I guess on the drive to the hospital as I was thinking about what had just happened, I came a sudden realization. Everything I had said to Ville was true: we all did love him. In fact, I loved him. Loved. My heart stopped for a second as it dawned on me that I really did love Ville. It scared the crap out of me. I knew Ville liked boys every now and again. Hell, we’d cuddle and kiss each other occasionally when we were drunk, but love? That was a whole new fucking ballgame. If we became a couple, what would happen to our careers? (Things were different then, Jeremy. In your lifetime, there’s been a gay President. People just don’t see the difference between gay and straight anymore.) I had all these thoughts going through my head about how all my skateboarding fans would hate me and Element would drop me if they knew. Then I realized I had two much bigger issues: 1) Ville probably didn’t feel anything but friendship towards me and even if he did issue 2) was Missy. My feelings for Missy hadn’t changed. I still loved her. I still wanted to be with her. I was mulling these things over in the hospital waiting room sitting with Seppo, Kat, and the band.
Ville came out after awhile with a new inhaler in his hand and a sheepish look on his face. He apologized for ruining everyone’s night. I remember thinking how sweet that was and then mentally slapping myself. I might have just realized that I was in love with him, but I damn sure wasn’t about to start thinking everything he did was sweet or cute. I was not a girl, damn it! (You have no idea how many times I’ve had to say those things to myself over the course of my life.) As we piled into the two cars we drove to the hospital in, I caught Ville giving me a weird look. I had no idea what he was thinking.
I flew back to West Chester the next day. I was so confused about my feelings that Ville and I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to each other. The next several weeks were hell. In the past, Ville and I talked at the bare minimum of once a week. We didn’t talk all through the rest of April or May. I was going nuts. I missed my best friend regardless of my other feelings. I decided to fly to their show in Mesa, AZ in June. I was so nervous about seeing Ville. I managed to get backstage without Ville seeing me. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking about me; after all, he hadn’t called me the last few weeks either. HIM took the stage at eight as I crept into the wings They were playing an amazing set as always. About half way through, I saw Ville looking at me. When I caught his eye, I saw him smile briefly before turning back to the audience. I suddenly had a flare of hope. They launched into “Right Here in My Arms,” and I could have sworn he changed the lyrics to, “He’ll be right here in my arms,” I’m pretty sure I had the stupidest fucking grin on my face for the rest of the show.
After their second encore, the band left the stage and Ville beckoned for me to follow him to his dressing room. I walked in and hopped up onto the counter, my back resting against the mirror. I told him how great I thought the show was as he lit up a cigarette. He exhaled a puff of smoke as he looked at me, head cocked to one side. “So,” he began, “it’s been 64 days, 12 hours, and oh 42 minutes since the last time we talked.” I was so stunned that he had been counting that I think I said something like, “Give or take.”
“I just don’t know what to do anymore Bam-Bam,” I noticed his hands were shaking as he smoked. “All I know is that nobody else could have brought me back the way that you did. I couldn’t breathe and you gave me breath somehow. It kind of freaked me out. I mean, Jonna sure as hell couldn’t have done that,” he moved slowly toward me as he spoke, “And I just remember you saying that everyone there loved me, and all I cared about was that you loved me, and I just don’t know,” he began to ramble as he stood in front of me, “I’ve just missed you so much, I’ve felt like I was dying,” he reached up and brushed a piece of hair out of my eyes. At that point, reality became a little fuzzy. I remember grabbing his belt loop and pulling him closer to me. I wrapped my legs around his as I snaked my hands behind his neck. He lowered his mouth to mine and we kissed. I have kissed many people many times but that was, by far, the best kiss of my life. It was passionate and soulful and it my toes curl. When we both needed air, we pulled apart. “Willa,” I said looking into his eyes, “You realize what day this is?” I asked giggling. (Yeah, I was fucking giggling, okay?) “Yeah, Bammie it’s June 6, 2006. 6-6-6. We’re so fucking romantic,” he answered and kissed me again.
“Jeremy-
People made speculations about Ville and me from almost the beginning. I guess the whole matching tattoos and heartagrams all over my house might have gotten people wondering. Actually, we didn’t get together until much later.
I remember in was first week of April 2006 before I realized I had “feelings” or Ville. We had just finished shooting for the second video of “Killing Loneliness” and we were all just hanging out at the Russian hotel afterwards. Ville and Jonna had broken up right before that and Ville wasn’t dealing real well. His asthma had been getting worse and he was in a bad mood all the time. Anyway, we were all sitting around his hotel room when he had another attack. A bad one. I don’t remember if his inhaler was just empty, or if the medication wasn’t working, I just remember everyone freaking out as Ville gasped for breath. I guess some sort of strange instinct took over because I got behind Ville on the bed and hugged him. I talked quietly to him for awhile. I’m not sure how long we sat like that. I lost all track of time. I asked Kat once how long she thought we sat there. I remember I expected her to say something like, “oh three minutes or so,” and was kind of shocked when she said, “twenty.” I remember some of what I said to Ville that night. I whispered to him, “Okay Willa. Calm down. It’s all right. Just breathe. Feel me breathing? Copy me: In and Out; nice and slow. It’s okay; you’re okay, everyone here loves you and cares about you,” I just kept talking trying to be as soothing as possible and finally his breathing started to return to normal. Seppo insisted at that point to take Ville to the hospital.
I guess on the drive to the hospital as I was thinking about what had just happened, I came a sudden realization. Everything I had said to Ville was true: we all did love him. In fact, I loved him. Loved. My heart stopped for a second as it dawned on me that I really did love Ville. It scared the crap out of me. I knew Ville liked boys every now and again. Hell, we’d cuddle and kiss each other occasionally when we were drunk, but love? That was a whole new fucking ballgame. If we became a couple, what would happen to our careers? (Things were different then, Jeremy. In your lifetime, there’s been a gay President. People just don’t see the difference between gay and straight anymore.) I had all these thoughts going through my head about how all my skateboarding fans would hate me and Element would drop me if they knew. Then I realized I had two much bigger issues: 1) Ville probably didn’t feel anything but friendship towards me and even if he did issue 2) was Missy. My feelings for Missy hadn’t changed. I still loved her. I still wanted to be with her. I was mulling these things over in the hospital waiting room sitting with Seppo, Kat, and the band.
Ville came out after awhile with a new inhaler in his hand and a sheepish look on his face. He apologized for ruining everyone’s night. I remember thinking how sweet that was and then mentally slapping myself. I might have just realized that I was in love with him, but I damn sure wasn’t about to start thinking everything he did was sweet or cute. I was not a girl, damn it! (You have no idea how many times I’ve had to say those things to myself over the course of my life.) As we piled into the two cars we drove to the hospital in, I caught Ville giving me a weird look. I had no idea what he was thinking.
I flew back to West Chester the next day. I was so confused about my feelings that Ville and I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to each other. The next several weeks were hell. In the past, Ville and I talked at the bare minimum of once a week. We didn’t talk all through the rest of April or May. I was going nuts. I missed my best friend regardless of my other feelings. I decided to fly to their show in Mesa, AZ in June. I was so nervous about seeing Ville. I managed to get backstage without Ville seeing me. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking about me; after all, he hadn’t called me the last few weeks either. HIM took the stage at eight as I crept into the wings They were playing an amazing set as always. About half way through, I saw Ville looking at me. When I caught his eye, I saw him smile briefly before turning back to the audience. I suddenly had a flare of hope. They launched into “Right Here in My Arms,” and I could have sworn he changed the lyrics to, “He’ll be right here in my arms,” I’m pretty sure I had the stupidest fucking grin on my face for the rest of the show.
After their second encore, the band left the stage and Ville beckoned for me to follow him to his dressing room. I walked in and hopped up onto the counter, my back resting against the mirror. I told him how great I thought the show was as he lit up a cigarette. He exhaled a puff of smoke as he looked at me, head cocked to one side. “So,” he began, “it’s been 64 days, 12 hours, and oh 42 minutes since the last time we talked.” I was so stunned that he had been counting that I think I said something like, “Give or take.”
“I just don’t know what to do anymore Bam-Bam,” I noticed his hands were shaking as he smoked. “All I know is that nobody else could have brought me back the way that you did. I couldn’t breathe and you gave me breath somehow. It kind of freaked me out. I mean, Jonna sure as hell couldn’t have done that,” he moved slowly toward me as he spoke, “And I just remember you saying that everyone there loved me, and all I cared about was that you loved me, and I just don’t know,” he began to ramble as he stood in front of me, “I’ve just missed you so much, I’ve felt like I was dying,” he reached up and brushed a piece of hair out of my eyes. At that point, reality became a little fuzzy. I remember grabbing his belt loop and pulling him closer to me. I wrapped my legs around his as I snaked my hands behind his neck. He lowered his mouth to mine and we kissed. I have kissed many people many times but that was, by far, the best kiss of my life. It was passionate and soulful and it my toes curl. When we both needed air, we pulled apart. “Willa,” I said looking into his eyes, “You realize what day this is?” I asked giggling. (Yeah, I was fucking giggling, okay?) “Yeah, Bammie it’s June 6, 2006. 6-6-6. We’re so fucking romantic,” he answered and kissed me again.