Ich Schenk' Dir Die Welt 13/13
Previous | Master Post
Chapter 4
Closing the Loop
As the Jägers crowded around to congratulate Agatha on essentially sending Father away with a flea in his ear, Agatha stepped back and slipped her left hand into Gil’s right. Then, after exchanging a couple of nods and winks with a Jäger Gil didn’t quite recognize, she slapped the circle of lights in the center of her armband-and suddenly they were on the opposite side of town, alone. With a mutual sigh of relief, they turned to each other.
“We did it,” they chorused.
“Collar,” she ordered, dropping his hand and pulling a small screwdriver out of her belt.
He reached up and unbuttoned his collar. “That thing is amazing,” he said, nodding at the armband, the lights of which had turned red.
“We’ve got a couple of minutes while it recharges. Here.” She flipped open the locket and pried a cog out of the works.
Immediately, the pounding headache he’d given himself vanished, and he groaned and put a hand to his head. “Oh, that really was a bad idea, but I’m actually not sorry. It did keep me off balance-and now I understand what it did to you. How long....”
“I was five,” she admitted, tucking the cog and the screwdriver back into her belt.
“You lived with that for thirteen years?!”
“It was a gift from Uncle Barry. I didn’t know any better.”
“And now, with Lucrezia gone?”
She opened her own locket to show him that the clockwork had been removed before she closed both hers and his. He didn’t know what to say, so he pulled her into a tight hug, which she returned, and buried his face in her shoulder, relishing the sensation of their hearts beating perfectly in time with each other. Why it should still be so this long after the Si Vales Valeo, he had no clue, but he wasn’t going to complain.
“Will you stay?” she whispered in his ear. “Will you be mine?”
His breath caught as he realized what she was asking. But just as suddenly, he realized his answer and decided to preface it by kissing the part of her nearest his mouth, which happened to be the side of her neck.
She inhaled sharply. “Gil, not now!”
“I’m not leaving,” he vowed. “I love you. I love your town. I love your people. I even love your crazy castle.”
“I prefer eccentric,” the castle interjected from the wall behind them.
He ignored it. “And even if, by some miracle, Father doesn’t disown me, we can rule Europa together from here just as well as we could from the air. But by all that’s holy, I am not leaving you now. I can’t lose you again.”
“Oh, my love,” she sighed happily and hugged him even more tightly. After they’d held each other for a moment longer, she asked, “How soon will my parents be out of bed?”
“Hard to say. Maybe a week or two.”
“In that case, we won’t wait. There should be enough commotion in the cathedral square tonight to cover us; the only trick will be distracting Violetta so she can’t send Tarvek a message your father can intercept.”
Even though he’d suggested eloping himself, twice, her statement still caught him off guard. “Tonight?” he echoed, backing away slightly.
She nodded, then looked past him at the wall. “Heterodyne secret.”
“Very good, Mistress,” the castle replied.
He frowned. “Secret?”
“Only until he comes back to request your release,” she qualified, looking him in the eye, “or until something else happens that we need to announce it. I don’t want him questioning your judgment or mine right now. But you’re right; we can’t give him time to change his mind. And I can’t lose you again, either.”
He kissed her tenderly. She kissed him back.
The castle cleared its virtual throat. “Your teleportation device appears to be recharged, Mistress, and the crowd is beginning to grow restive. I should aim to appear by the statue of the Heterodyne Boys, if I were you.”
She sighed, and he stepped back to button his collar. “All right,” she said. “Thank you, Castle. Ready?”
“Let’s party, Lady Heterodyne,” he returned with a grin.
She grinned back, took his hand again, and teleported them to the base of the Heterodyne Boys statue, much to the delight of the crowd. And then the two of them were swept up in the general mayhem of feasting and merry-making, though quite wisely no one tried to separate them.
By midnight, Agatha had managed to collect Zeetha and her boyfriend Axel Higgs, Theo and Sleipnir, Agatha’s seneschal Vanamonde von Mekkhan, and an assortment of Jägers, as well as Violetta and Krosp. The tourists were drunk and the townspeople were headed that way, and the various town bands had given way to the Hofbräu band from Mamma Gkika’s. So at a signal from Agatha, most of her Jägers caught Violetta’s attention and started asking her about how she’d overpowered von Blitzengaard, and Mamma Gkika and the rest of Agatha’s group made a break for the cathedral.
Inside, Dr. Yglyn, the curate, was dithering at the candlelit altar. “Do forgive me, Lady Heterodyne,” he said as the group approached. “The abbess ought to be here to witness, but she was tragically killed in that horrid explosion-”
Krosp had a hairball, and Gil fought a smirk. He’d overheard enough of Moloch von Zinzer holding forth to Othar Tryggvassen about the abbess’ true loyalties to be able to deduce precisely why she’d been caught in the explosion that had destroyed the portal in the crypts and had also, he assumed, sealed the rift between universes.
“It’s quite all right, Father,” Agatha assured him as her secretary slipped into the candlelight from another direction, carrying what Gil suspected was the parish register. “Van tells me I’ve brought enough witnesses for the marriage to be valid under empire law despite our not waiting for the banns.”
Dr. Yglyn wrung his hands and huffed. “Well, all right. I presume you want the reduced rite your father chose and not the Old Mechanicsburg rite that was in use in your grandfather’s time?”
“Definitely,” Gil and Agatha chorused.
“Very well. The Church frowns on human sacrifice these days anyway.”
Gil’s skin crawled. But then, he had known what he was getting into, agreeing to marry the Heterodyne. It was just easy to forget that such pagan rites had been practiced within living memory here in Mechanicsburg-in fact, it had been Bill and Barry who’d put a stop to them. Apparently some of the older folks still didn’t understand why.
“I think the Eucharist will be quite enough, thank you,” Agatha stated, looking rather disturbed herself.
The ceremony was far shorter than a standard wedding Mass, with a few Heterodyne quirks thrown in, like Gil having to give a hair sample to record his identity in the cathedral’s systems. And they forwent the formality of rings, which Dr. Yglyn allowed as soon as he saw that they were wearing matching chokers anyway. But they did have the vows and the Eucharist, and everyone signed the register and the marriage certificate, at which point Zeetha explained exactly what she and Father had said to each other before Father had left. So when they all left the cathedral around 12:30, Gil found himself the slightly stunned but duly acknowledged Prince Consort of Mechanicsburg.
To his very great relief, the castle did not ring the Doom Bell. The sound had been beautiful that morning, announcing as it did then that Agatha had taken the castle; but after all that had happened and nearly happened, Gil wasn’t quite sure he could take it twice in one day.
“Hyu okeh, Master Gil?” Mamma Gkika asked as Agatha went off to collect her honor guard and Violetta.
Gil took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, I... it’s just... been a really long day.”
She pulled him into a side hug and patted his face gently with her free hand. “Velcome home, kiddo.”
He smiled. “Thanks, Mamma.”
“Sorry to drop that news on you this way, brother,” Zeetha said, coming up beside him. “I thought you’d have figured it out by now.”
“Well, I have been a little busy,” Gil replied, rubbing the back of his neck as Mamma Gkika let go of him. “And it’s not your fault Father never tells me anything about myself except under extreme duress. I do have a lot of questions for you, though-after you get well.”
“Oh, don’t you start!” she complained as Higgs chuckled. “I’m supposed to look after you!”
“Hyu ken’t do dot until hyu heal op,” Mamma Gkika retorted. “Hyu come vit me und rest tonight like a goot girl, und mebbe Hy let hyu hef breakfast in der kestle vit de Master und Miztress.”
Zeetha rolled her eyes. “They probably won’t even be awake for breakfast.”
“Vell, denn, voteffer meal dey vant. Dey ken send for hyu. Bot hyu von’t go ennyvere until hyu rest.”
Gil turned to the man who was probably not the loyal Wulfenbach airman he claimed to be. “Higgs?”
“I’ll look after her, sir,” Higgs promised.
Zeetha huffed. “Oh, all right. I should probably give Agatha the morning off anyway, since it’s her wedding night and we’ve already wasted half of it.”
“Oh, thanks,” Gil jabbed.
“Hey, someone has to make sure she keeps up with her training!”
“Somehow I suspect she’ll have some surprises for you in that regard.” Not that Agatha had said anything much about her time in Atlantis on that subject-or any other, for that matter-but Gil had noticed that her arms had felt stronger when she’d hugged him.
Zeetha looked at him oddly, but then Agatha came back with Violetta, and it was time to go. Mamma Gkika and Higgs herded Zeetha off to Mamma’s bar; von Mekkhan needed a few days yet to prepare to move into the castle; Theo and Sleipnir had decided to go back to their room at the inn for at least one more night; and Krosp wanted to do some mimmoth hunting and perhaps start assembling his harem. So only Violetta and the three Jägers Agatha had named as her honor guard accompanied Gil and Agatha back to the castle and into the bedroom wing. To keep up appearances, however, Agatha put Gil in the bedroom next to hers, and he bade her good night and went into his room while she tried to convince Violetta to sleep somewhere else.
With a sigh, still trying to get his head around what had happened that day, Gil took off his greatcoat and started preparing for bed. He’d just gotten his boots off, however, and had his shirt halfway unbuttoned when the castle said, “The Mistress calls for you, Master Gil.”
“Oh. Uh....” Gil started to rebutton his shirt.
“No, no, there’s no need for that.”
“I can hardly go out in the hall half dressed!”
“No need for that, either, especially since Miss Violetta is still out there. If I may direct your attention to the dresser? Five stones above the top and four from the right end.”
“It won’t shock me, will it?” he asked, walking over to the dresser.
The castle scoffed. “Please. I do know how to look after my lady’s consorts. Incidentally, although the Mistress has chosen not to announce your marriage, I will need a blood sample for my records-but that can wait for a more opportune time.”
“Thanks.” Warily he pressed the specified stone and was relieved when all that opened was a secret door in the wall between his room and Agatha’s. He looked through to see her sitting on the edge of a gigantic bed, setting aside her own boots.
Suddenly, he felt unaccountably shy. Granted, he’d spent his college years hanging around in Parisian nightclubs, but he’d never done anything with those girls. And that was a far cry from entering a lady’s boudoir at night... even though, in this case, the lady was now his wife.
Before he could duck out of sight, however, she looked up and saw him. “Hi,” she whispered and smiled at him.
“Hi,” he whispered back.
“Come on in.”
Swallowing hard, he did so while she looked down at the teleportation device with a frown of concentration. Its lights went out, and what had looked at first like merely decorative bands retracted to allow the entire armband to relax and unroll like a strip of fabric.
“Fascinating,” he said as she took it off and laid it on the nightstand. “A mental power switch?”
“Yes, but it only works for people who have a certain inherited trait. Dr. Beckett showed me how to test for that trait, though, and I was already planning on testing everyone in the castle to see if anyone else has it. You and Zeetha probably do, but it would be good to know if someone else does.”
He nodded. “See if it correlates to having noble blood or not, and whether strength of expression is affected by the Spark.”
“Exactly. And if Van has it, that may give me a way to increase the security of the castle’s controls so it can’t be hijacked by someone like Prof. Tiktoffen again.” She took off her glasses. “But we can talk more about all that tomorrow.”
He sat down beside her. “Um. You know, I... I don’t think I ever said thank you.”
She blinked at him. “For what?”
“Rescuing me. Saving Tarvek and me during the Si Vales Valeo. For...” He sighed. “For putting up with me. Marrying me. Choosing me over Tarvek.”
“Well, I had time to think in Atlantis, and I had some good friends to talk to. That helped me figure things out. And seeing you both again this afternoon helped, too. I mean, I still care about Tarvek, but....”
“But?”
She scooted closer and put her head on his shoulder. “He loves me because I’m the Heterodyne girl. You loved me when I was only Agatha Clay. He trusted me when he had nothing to lose. You trusted me when you had everything to lose.”
“Well, how could I not? You’re a spark. You’re the first girl I’ve ever met who’s actually smarter than me. We can talk about things, really talk, and... you have really great ideas that work, and... and....” He floundered, unsure whether to bring up that moment or even how to put it into words.
“Gil?” she interrupted.
“What?”
“Are you going to kiss me or not?”
His mouth went dry. “Um. A-Agatha, are... are you sure you want to do this?”
“Quite sure.”
“Do... do you need to... I mean... take precautions or... I-I hear there’s a tea....”
She shook her head. “If I get pregnant, we can announce the marriage. Really, it’s not a problem. Besides, even if you weren’t technically my hostage, it’s not like I want to run right off and go adventuring again. Mechanicsburg needs me to stay here; your father probably needs me to stay here; my parents need me to stay here; and I’m really looking forward to just being home for a while. I mean, I’ve been on the road ever since we left Beetleburg. I haven’t traveled this much since Uncle Barry left me there with Adam and Lilith. Even in Atlantis, there was always somewhere I needed to go every few days, and I was stuck on a spaceship for three whole weeks. And I’ve brought back so much information to share with you, to study more myself, so many ideas I couldn’t try there. I just want to spend time in my own labs, my own castle, my own town. With my own family.”
“Okay. I just... don’t want to make you give up anything, treat you like any other Hausfrau whose only cares are children, church, and kitchen.”
Her eyes snapped with green fire. “I am not my mother. I will not treat my children as an inconvenience.”
Somehow that was exactly what he needed to hear. He kissed her... and then some. And after an appropriate interval, she reciprocated. The physical act of union wasn’t a patch on what they’d had during the Si Vales Valeo, of course, but it was good-very good-in its own right and probably the closest they could come to their souls touching again without resorting to some very risky ideas in the lab. Maybe with repeated practice, they could get even closer. Maybe conceiving a child would be better still.
The great thing was, they were married. They could carry on this experiment for the rest of their lives. And that was just fine by him.
When at last they lay still, curled up together in the middle of the bed, his blood fizzing in a way he suspected wasn’t totally normal, she sighed happily. “That was worth coming home for.”
“Mm,” he agreed with a sleepy smile and brushed her hair out of her face. “Glad you did.” And then a sobering thought occurred to him. “Agatha... what happened to that other version of you? The one that went through the portal this time, before Krosp blew it up?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know.”
A world away, as the creature pretending to be the goddess Ishtar dragged a besotted Martellus off to make him her consort du jour, that other Agatha was still struggling to make sense of what she’d learned in the hours since she’d woken on what was apparently a different, hostile planet. Rosha, the friendly woman who’d attended Agatha and kept the other servants from taking her locket, had tried to explain what had happened in the days she’d been asleep; evidently Violetta had been killed and reanimated once, but Martellus had been through the process ten times in three days, rendering him far more susceptible to brainwashing when their group was presented to Ishtar as tribute by the locals. Precisely what Ishtar had meant by her promise, or threat, to make Agatha the “host” for one of her daughters and to make Violetta that daughter’s First Prime was more than Agatha could work out, however-and she didn’t want to stick around to learn the explanation.
While Rosha took charge of the cage holding Krosp and the wasp eater, her friend Martouf gave some kind of order to Ishtar’s other servants. Rosha motioned for Agatha and Violetta to remain kneeling before the ring-shaped chappa’ai portal device, and everyone but the six of them left the room.
Martouf waited several seconds after the others had left before turning to the ladies. “Clear,” he said in what sounded like English.
Rosha brought Agatha’s glasses out of a fold in her robe and handed them to Agatha. “We must move quickly.”
“I feel naked without my weapons,” Violetta groused as Agatha slid her glasses on. “Are you sure we have no time to go back for them?”
Martouf raised one sandy eyebrow. “You care more for your weapons than for your cousin?”
“Considering that we are here only because he kidnapped me,” Agatha replied, “I have no problem leaving Martellus to Ishtar. And considering that he probably killed one of my suitors, whom I actually liked, I really do not care what happens to him. At all.”
“Hear, hear,” Violetta agreed, helping Agatha to her feet.
“And then some,” Krosp added.
The wasp eater sneezed.
“That is good,” said Rosha, “because we have no time to rescue him, either.”
While she went to press a code onto a device next to the chappa’ai, Martouf drew a bomb out of his robe, set it, and stuck it to the side of the chappa’ai itself. Rosha activated the portal and ran through, still carrying the cage, and Martouf herded Agatha and Violetta through after her. They emerged outside on a stretch of desert, and Rosha set down the cage and opened it before Martouf swept her into a passionate kiss. Feeling awkward, Agatha turned to study the chappa’ai, to see if she could figure out how it worked.
“Ahem,” said Krosp. “Not to pry, but is there any chance of our going back after the bomb goes off so we can work out how the hell we got here?”
“I am afraid return is impossible,” Martouf replied, releasing Rosha.
“Now, by impossible, do you mean dangerous or....”
“Not possible.” To demonstrate, Martouf went to the dialing device and pressed a different code followed by the activation button in the center, but the portal didn’t form. “Of course, we cannot yet be certain whether the chappa’ai was in fact destroyed or merely buried by the explosion, but the bomb did contain sufficient naquadah to have destroyed the chappa’ai itself.”
Agatha’s jaw dropped.
Wide-eyed, Violetta asked, “H-how far would Martellus....”
“Not far enough,” Rosha answered. “But it would have been a quick death, far preferable to being enslaved by the Goa’uld.”
“But... but... that was our only clue!” Agatha blurted out. “How are we supposed to return to Earth now?!”
Before anyone could respond, there was an odd noise a short distance away, and a series of rings-similar in design to the chappa’ai, but smaller and stacked to form a vertical column-shot up from the sand. Light flashed within them, and then they disappeared into the sand again, revealing an older lady dressed in the same manner as Rosha and Martouf.
“Lantash, Jolinar,” the lady said, her voice distorted like Ishtar’s. “I am glad to see you safely returned.”
Rosha and Martouf bobbed their heads, then bowed. “Greetings, Selmak,” said... well, if Rosha had told the truth, that was Martouf’s symbiote Lantash speaking with Martouf’s distorted voice. Agatha still didn’t quite understand the situation, only that these aliens were called Tok’ra, even though they sounded like Goa’uld.
“You have had success?” the lady-Selmak-asked.
“We have,” answered Rosha’s symbiote Jolinar. “A flyby of the planet might still be in order, but unless Ishtar brought with her some form of teleportation device, she is dead.”
“Excellent. And who are these that you have brought?”
“Agatha of Mechanicsburg and her servant Violetta. They are of the people of the Tau’ri. But,” Jolinar added quickly when Selmak gasped, “they do not know how they came to Ishtar’s planet. What they have described sounds more like a quantum mirror than the chappa’ai.”
“I had never seen one of these until half an hour ago, Madame Selmak,” Agatha confirmed, gesturing toward the chappa’ai. “We were kidnapped, but... something must have gone wrong with the device.”
Selmak looked at her narrowly. “I see. And the one who kidnapped you?”
“Ishtar took him as her consort moments before we left to come here.”
“Look, he is dead, and good riddance,” Violetta exploded. “Yes, he was my cousin, but he was no better than the rest of my horrible family. But that does not change the fact that we have no way to go home!”
Agatha put a hand on Violetta’s shoulder. “If you please, Madame Selmak, I am a scientist, an engineer. I am willing to offer you my service if you will allow me and my companions to stay with you.”
Selmak frowned. “There are others?”
“Hi,” said Krosp.
“Dook,” said the wasp eater.
Jolinar bobbed her head. “There is more,” Rosha said. “Agatha bears a device suppressing a second consciousness that was forced into her mind. Its presence is not physical, like the Goa’uld, but from what I have heard, this Lucrezia is very much like the System Lords in her temperament.”
Agatha couldn’t suppress a shudder.
Selmak hummed thoughtfully. “Perhaps we can remove the second consciousness without harming the host.”
“I would be very grateful,” Agatha replied.
“And perhaps the device itself will provide ideas we can adapt for our own use. It is said the Tollan possess technology that forces the Goa’uld to share control with the host. We may be able to use something similar to help hosts we rescue until the Goa’uld can be removed.”
“I would be glad to aid you in this way. I mean, if... if we truly cannot go home, then... well, given what Rosha tells me of the System Lords, I want to do whatever I can to help you stop them. And in turn, I hope to learn a great deal from you.”
Selmak nodded slowly. “Understand, Agatha of Mechanicsburg. If we accept you, you and your companions will not be allowed to leave us.”
“I do understand. And we have nowhere else to go.” Agatha hated the thought of leaving Mechanicsburg to its fate, losing Tarvek, losing Gil... but she could mourn later. There really wasn’t any choice.
Selmak bobbed her head. “Do not be afraid, my child,” said the host kindly. “My name is Saroosh, and I have lived among the Tok’ra almost all my life. They are good people, and I agree with Rosha and Selmak that we can find help for you here.”
Agatha managed a smile. “That is good to hear.”
“Come, then. I am sure the High Council will wish to hear your tale.”
Krosp chuckled. “Somehow I doubt you Tok’ra know much about Heterodyne stories.”
At that, the plots of half a dozen of Agatha’s favorite Heterodyne Boys books flashed through her mind. How many had been true and how many hadn’t, she might never know. But her father and uncle had gotten into more real scrapes even worse than this and somehow come out okay. Uncle Barry had even survived fighting The Other and kept Agatha alive in the process. The Goa’uld might be creepy, as awful as slaver wasps, but she? She was the Heterodyne. Evildoers didn’t have a prayer.
“Let us go write our own, then, shall we?” she asked with a smirk and led the others after Saroosh to the platform with the rings that would take them off on their new adventure.
Chapter 4
Closing the Loop
As the Jägers crowded around to congratulate Agatha on essentially sending Father away with a flea in his ear, Agatha stepped back and slipped her left hand into Gil’s right. Then, after exchanging a couple of nods and winks with a Jäger Gil didn’t quite recognize, she slapped the circle of lights in the center of her armband-and suddenly they were on the opposite side of town, alone. With a mutual sigh of relief, they turned to each other.
“We did it,” they chorused.
“Collar,” she ordered, dropping his hand and pulling a small screwdriver out of her belt.
He reached up and unbuttoned his collar. “That thing is amazing,” he said, nodding at the armband, the lights of which had turned red.
“We’ve got a couple of minutes while it recharges. Here.” She flipped open the locket and pried a cog out of the works.
Immediately, the pounding headache he’d given himself vanished, and he groaned and put a hand to his head. “Oh, that really was a bad idea, but I’m actually not sorry. It did keep me off balance-and now I understand what it did to you. How long....”
“I was five,” she admitted, tucking the cog and the screwdriver back into her belt.
“You lived with that for thirteen years?!”
“It was a gift from Uncle Barry. I didn’t know any better.”
“And now, with Lucrezia gone?”
She opened her own locket to show him that the clockwork had been removed before she closed both hers and his. He didn’t know what to say, so he pulled her into a tight hug, which she returned, and buried his face in her shoulder, relishing the sensation of their hearts beating perfectly in time with each other. Why it should still be so this long after the Si Vales Valeo, he had no clue, but he wasn’t going to complain.
“Will you stay?” she whispered in his ear. “Will you be mine?”
His breath caught as he realized what she was asking. But just as suddenly, he realized his answer and decided to preface it by kissing the part of her nearest his mouth, which happened to be the side of her neck.
She inhaled sharply. “Gil, not now!”
“I’m not leaving,” he vowed. “I love you. I love your town. I love your people. I even love your crazy castle.”
“I prefer eccentric,” the castle interjected from the wall behind them.
He ignored it. “And even if, by some miracle, Father doesn’t disown me, we can rule Europa together from here just as well as we could from the air. But by all that’s holy, I am not leaving you now. I can’t lose you again.”
“Oh, my love,” she sighed happily and hugged him even more tightly. After they’d held each other for a moment longer, she asked, “How soon will my parents be out of bed?”
“Hard to say. Maybe a week or two.”
“In that case, we won’t wait. There should be enough commotion in the cathedral square tonight to cover us; the only trick will be distracting Violetta so she can’t send Tarvek a message your father can intercept.”
Even though he’d suggested eloping himself, twice, her statement still caught him off guard. “Tonight?” he echoed, backing away slightly.
She nodded, then looked past him at the wall. “Heterodyne secret.”
“Very good, Mistress,” the castle replied.
He frowned. “Secret?”
“Only until he comes back to request your release,” she qualified, looking him in the eye, “or until something else happens that we need to announce it. I don’t want him questioning your judgment or mine right now. But you’re right; we can’t give him time to change his mind. And I can’t lose you again, either.”
He kissed her tenderly. She kissed him back.
The castle cleared its virtual throat. “Your teleportation device appears to be recharged, Mistress, and the crowd is beginning to grow restive. I should aim to appear by the statue of the Heterodyne Boys, if I were you.”
She sighed, and he stepped back to button his collar. “All right,” she said. “Thank you, Castle. Ready?”
“Let’s party, Lady Heterodyne,” he returned with a grin.
She grinned back, took his hand again, and teleported them to the base of the Heterodyne Boys statue, much to the delight of the crowd. And then the two of them were swept up in the general mayhem of feasting and merry-making, though quite wisely no one tried to separate them.
By midnight, Agatha had managed to collect Zeetha and her boyfriend Axel Higgs, Theo and Sleipnir, Agatha’s seneschal Vanamonde von Mekkhan, and an assortment of Jägers, as well as Violetta and Krosp. The tourists were drunk and the townspeople were headed that way, and the various town bands had given way to the Hofbräu band from Mamma Gkika’s. So at a signal from Agatha, most of her Jägers caught Violetta’s attention and started asking her about how she’d overpowered von Blitzengaard, and Mamma Gkika and the rest of Agatha’s group made a break for the cathedral.
Inside, Dr. Yglyn, the curate, was dithering at the candlelit altar. “Do forgive me, Lady Heterodyne,” he said as the group approached. “The abbess ought to be here to witness, but she was tragically killed in that horrid explosion-”
Krosp had a hairball, and Gil fought a smirk. He’d overheard enough of Moloch von Zinzer holding forth to Othar Tryggvassen about the abbess’ true loyalties to be able to deduce precisely why she’d been caught in the explosion that had destroyed the portal in the crypts and had also, he assumed, sealed the rift between universes.
“It’s quite all right, Father,” Agatha assured him as her secretary slipped into the candlelight from another direction, carrying what Gil suspected was the parish register. “Van tells me I’ve brought enough witnesses for the marriage to be valid under empire law despite our not waiting for the banns.”
Dr. Yglyn wrung his hands and huffed. “Well, all right. I presume you want the reduced rite your father chose and not the Old Mechanicsburg rite that was in use in your grandfather’s time?”
“Definitely,” Gil and Agatha chorused.
“Very well. The Church frowns on human sacrifice these days anyway.”
Gil’s skin crawled. But then, he had known what he was getting into, agreeing to marry the Heterodyne. It was just easy to forget that such pagan rites had been practiced within living memory here in Mechanicsburg-in fact, it had been Bill and Barry who’d put a stop to them. Apparently some of the older folks still didn’t understand why.
“I think the Eucharist will be quite enough, thank you,” Agatha stated, looking rather disturbed herself.
The ceremony was far shorter than a standard wedding Mass, with a few Heterodyne quirks thrown in, like Gil having to give a hair sample to record his identity in the cathedral’s systems. And they forwent the formality of rings, which Dr. Yglyn allowed as soon as he saw that they were wearing matching chokers anyway. But they did have the vows and the Eucharist, and everyone signed the register and the marriage certificate, at which point Zeetha explained exactly what she and Father had said to each other before Father had left. So when they all left the cathedral around 12:30, Gil found himself the slightly stunned but duly acknowledged Prince Consort of Mechanicsburg.
To his very great relief, the castle did not ring the Doom Bell. The sound had been beautiful that morning, announcing as it did then that Agatha had taken the castle; but after all that had happened and nearly happened, Gil wasn’t quite sure he could take it twice in one day.
“Hyu okeh, Master Gil?” Mamma Gkika asked as Agatha went off to collect her honor guard and Violetta.
Gil took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, I... it’s just... been a really long day.”
She pulled him into a side hug and patted his face gently with her free hand. “Velcome home, kiddo.”
He smiled. “Thanks, Mamma.”
“Sorry to drop that news on you this way, brother,” Zeetha said, coming up beside him. “I thought you’d have figured it out by now.”
“Well, I have been a little busy,” Gil replied, rubbing the back of his neck as Mamma Gkika let go of him. “And it’s not your fault Father never tells me anything about myself except under extreme duress. I do have a lot of questions for you, though-after you get well.”
“Oh, don’t you start!” she complained as Higgs chuckled. “I’m supposed to look after you!”
“Hyu ken’t do dot until hyu heal op,” Mamma Gkika retorted. “Hyu come vit me und rest tonight like a goot girl, und mebbe Hy let hyu hef breakfast in der kestle vit de Master und Miztress.”
Zeetha rolled her eyes. “They probably won’t even be awake for breakfast.”
“Vell, denn, voteffer meal dey vant. Dey ken send for hyu. Bot hyu von’t go ennyvere until hyu rest.”
Gil turned to the man who was probably not the loyal Wulfenbach airman he claimed to be. “Higgs?”
“I’ll look after her, sir,” Higgs promised.
Zeetha huffed. “Oh, all right. I should probably give Agatha the morning off anyway, since it’s her wedding night and we’ve already wasted half of it.”
“Oh, thanks,” Gil jabbed.
“Hey, someone has to make sure she keeps up with her training!”
“Somehow I suspect she’ll have some surprises for you in that regard.” Not that Agatha had said anything much about her time in Atlantis on that subject-or any other, for that matter-but Gil had noticed that her arms had felt stronger when she’d hugged him.
Zeetha looked at him oddly, but then Agatha came back with Violetta, and it was time to go. Mamma Gkika and Higgs herded Zeetha off to Mamma’s bar; von Mekkhan needed a few days yet to prepare to move into the castle; Theo and Sleipnir had decided to go back to their room at the inn for at least one more night; and Krosp wanted to do some mimmoth hunting and perhaps start assembling his harem. So only Violetta and the three Jägers Agatha had named as her honor guard accompanied Gil and Agatha back to the castle and into the bedroom wing. To keep up appearances, however, Agatha put Gil in the bedroom next to hers, and he bade her good night and went into his room while she tried to convince Violetta to sleep somewhere else.
With a sigh, still trying to get his head around what had happened that day, Gil took off his greatcoat and started preparing for bed. He’d just gotten his boots off, however, and had his shirt halfway unbuttoned when the castle said, “The Mistress calls for you, Master Gil.”
“Oh. Uh....” Gil started to rebutton his shirt.
“No, no, there’s no need for that.”
“I can hardly go out in the hall half dressed!”
“No need for that, either, especially since Miss Violetta is still out there. If I may direct your attention to the dresser? Five stones above the top and four from the right end.”
“It won’t shock me, will it?” he asked, walking over to the dresser.
The castle scoffed. “Please. I do know how to look after my lady’s consorts. Incidentally, although the Mistress has chosen not to announce your marriage, I will need a blood sample for my records-but that can wait for a more opportune time.”
“Thanks.” Warily he pressed the specified stone and was relieved when all that opened was a secret door in the wall between his room and Agatha’s. He looked through to see her sitting on the edge of a gigantic bed, setting aside her own boots.
Suddenly, he felt unaccountably shy. Granted, he’d spent his college years hanging around in Parisian nightclubs, but he’d never done anything with those girls. And that was a far cry from entering a lady’s boudoir at night... even though, in this case, the lady was now his wife.
Before he could duck out of sight, however, she looked up and saw him. “Hi,” she whispered and smiled at him.
“Hi,” he whispered back.
“Come on in.”
Swallowing hard, he did so while she looked down at the teleportation device with a frown of concentration. Its lights went out, and what had looked at first like merely decorative bands retracted to allow the entire armband to relax and unroll like a strip of fabric.
“Fascinating,” he said as she took it off and laid it on the nightstand. “A mental power switch?”
“Yes, but it only works for people who have a certain inherited trait. Dr. Beckett showed me how to test for that trait, though, and I was already planning on testing everyone in the castle to see if anyone else has it. You and Zeetha probably do, but it would be good to know if someone else does.”
He nodded. “See if it correlates to having noble blood or not, and whether strength of expression is affected by the Spark.”
“Exactly. And if Van has it, that may give me a way to increase the security of the castle’s controls so it can’t be hijacked by someone like Prof. Tiktoffen again.” She took off her glasses. “But we can talk more about all that tomorrow.”
He sat down beside her. “Um. You know, I... I don’t think I ever said thank you.”
She blinked at him. “For what?”
“Rescuing me. Saving Tarvek and me during the Si Vales Valeo. For...” He sighed. “For putting up with me. Marrying me. Choosing me over Tarvek.”
“Well, I had time to think in Atlantis, and I had some good friends to talk to. That helped me figure things out. And seeing you both again this afternoon helped, too. I mean, I still care about Tarvek, but....”
“But?”
She scooted closer and put her head on his shoulder. “He loves me because I’m the Heterodyne girl. You loved me when I was only Agatha Clay. He trusted me when he had nothing to lose. You trusted me when you had everything to lose.”
“Well, how could I not? You’re a spark. You’re the first girl I’ve ever met who’s actually smarter than me. We can talk about things, really talk, and... you have really great ideas that work, and... and....” He floundered, unsure whether to bring up that moment or even how to put it into words.
“Gil?” she interrupted.
“What?”
“Are you going to kiss me or not?”
His mouth went dry. “Um. A-Agatha, are... are you sure you want to do this?”
“Quite sure.”
“Do... do you need to... I mean... take precautions or... I-I hear there’s a tea....”
She shook her head. “If I get pregnant, we can announce the marriage. Really, it’s not a problem. Besides, even if you weren’t technically my hostage, it’s not like I want to run right off and go adventuring again. Mechanicsburg needs me to stay here; your father probably needs me to stay here; my parents need me to stay here; and I’m really looking forward to just being home for a while. I mean, I’ve been on the road ever since we left Beetleburg. I haven’t traveled this much since Uncle Barry left me there with Adam and Lilith. Even in Atlantis, there was always somewhere I needed to go every few days, and I was stuck on a spaceship for three whole weeks. And I’ve brought back so much information to share with you, to study more myself, so many ideas I couldn’t try there. I just want to spend time in my own labs, my own castle, my own town. With my own family.”
“Okay. I just... don’t want to make you give up anything, treat you like any other Hausfrau whose only cares are children, church, and kitchen.”
Her eyes snapped with green fire. “I am not my mother. I will not treat my children as an inconvenience.”
Somehow that was exactly what he needed to hear. He kissed her... and then some. And after an appropriate interval, she reciprocated. The physical act of union wasn’t a patch on what they’d had during the Si Vales Valeo, of course, but it was good-very good-in its own right and probably the closest they could come to their souls touching again without resorting to some very risky ideas in the lab. Maybe with repeated practice, they could get even closer. Maybe conceiving a child would be better still.
The great thing was, they were married. They could carry on this experiment for the rest of their lives. And that was just fine by him.
When at last they lay still, curled up together in the middle of the bed, his blood fizzing in a way he suspected wasn’t totally normal, she sighed happily. “That was worth coming home for.”
“Mm,” he agreed with a sleepy smile and brushed her hair out of her face. “Glad you did.” And then a sobering thought occurred to him. “Agatha... what happened to that other version of you? The one that went through the portal this time, before Krosp blew it up?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know.”
A world away, as the creature pretending to be the goddess Ishtar dragged a besotted Martellus off to make him her consort du jour, that other Agatha was still struggling to make sense of what she’d learned in the hours since she’d woken on what was apparently a different, hostile planet. Rosha, the friendly woman who’d attended Agatha and kept the other servants from taking her locket, had tried to explain what had happened in the days she’d been asleep; evidently Violetta had been killed and reanimated once, but Martellus had been through the process ten times in three days, rendering him far more susceptible to brainwashing when their group was presented to Ishtar as tribute by the locals. Precisely what Ishtar had meant by her promise, or threat, to make Agatha the “host” for one of her daughters and to make Violetta that daughter’s First Prime was more than Agatha could work out, however-and she didn’t want to stick around to learn the explanation.
While Rosha took charge of the cage holding Krosp and the wasp eater, her friend Martouf gave some kind of order to Ishtar’s other servants. Rosha motioned for Agatha and Violetta to remain kneeling before the ring-shaped chappa’ai portal device, and everyone but the six of them left the room.
Martouf waited several seconds after the others had left before turning to the ladies. “Clear,” he said in what sounded like English.
Rosha brought Agatha’s glasses out of a fold in her robe and handed them to Agatha. “We must move quickly.”
“I feel naked without my weapons,” Violetta groused as Agatha slid her glasses on. “Are you sure we have no time to go back for them?”
Martouf raised one sandy eyebrow. “You care more for your weapons than for your cousin?”
“Considering that we are here only because he kidnapped me,” Agatha replied, “I have no problem leaving Martellus to Ishtar. And considering that he probably killed one of my suitors, whom I actually liked, I really do not care what happens to him. At all.”
“Hear, hear,” Violetta agreed, helping Agatha to her feet.
“And then some,” Krosp added.
The wasp eater sneezed.
“That is good,” said Rosha, “because we have no time to rescue him, either.”
While she went to press a code onto a device next to the chappa’ai, Martouf drew a bomb out of his robe, set it, and stuck it to the side of the chappa’ai itself. Rosha activated the portal and ran through, still carrying the cage, and Martouf herded Agatha and Violetta through after her. They emerged outside on a stretch of desert, and Rosha set down the cage and opened it before Martouf swept her into a passionate kiss. Feeling awkward, Agatha turned to study the chappa’ai, to see if she could figure out how it worked.
“Ahem,” said Krosp. “Not to pry, but is there any chance of our going back after the bomb goes off so we can work out how the hell we got here?”
“I am afraid return is impossible,” Martouf replied, releasing Rosha.
“Now, by impossible, do you mean dangerous or....”
“Not possible.” To demonstrate, Martouf went to the dialing device and pressed a different code followed by the activation button in the center, but the portal didn’t form. “Of course, we cannot yet be certain whether the chappa’ai was in fact destroyed or merely buried by the explosion, but the bomb did contain sufficient naquadah to have destroyed the chappa’ai itself.”
Agatha’s jaw dropped.
Wide-eyed, Violetta asked, “H-how far would Martellus....”
“Not far enough,” Rosha answered. “But it would have been a quick death, far preferable to being enslaved by the Goa’uld.”
“But... but... that was our only clue!” Agatha blurted out. “How are we supposed to return to Earth now?!”
Before anyone could respond, there was an odd noise a short distance away, and a series of rings-similar in design to the chappa’ai, but smaller and stacked to form a vertical column-shot up from the sand. Light flashed within them, and then they disappeared into the sand again, revealing an older lady dressed in the same manner as Rosha and Martouf.
“Lantash, Jolinar,” the lady said, her voice distorted like Ishtar’s. “I am glad to see you safely returned.”
Rosha and Martouf bobbed their heads, then bowed. “Greetings, Selmak,” said... well, if Rosha had told the truth, that was Martouf’s symbiote Lantash speaking with Martouf’s distorted voice. Agatha still didn’t quite understand the situation, only that these aliens were called Tok’ra, even though they sounded like Goa’uld.
“You have had success?” the lady-Selmak-asked.
“We have,” answered Rosha’s symbiote Jolinar. “A flyby of the planet might still be in order, but unless Ishtar brought with her some form of teleportation device, she is dead.”
“Excellent. And who are these that you have brought?”
“Agatha of Mechanicsburg and her servant Violetta. They are of the people of the Tau’ri. But,” Jolinar added quickly when Selmak gasped, “they do not know how they came to Ishtar’s planet. What they have described sounds more like a quantum mirror than the chappa’ai.”
“I had never seen one of these until half an hour ago, Madame Selmak,” Agatha confirmed, gesturing toward the chappa’ai. “We were kidnapped, but... something must have gone wrong with the device.”
Selmak looked at her narrowly. “I see. And the one who kidnapped you?”
“Ishtar took him as her consort moments before we left to come here.”
“Look, he is dead, and good riddance,” Violetta exploded. “Yes, he was my cousin, but he was no better than the rest of my horrible family. But that does not change the fact that we have no way to go home!”
Agatha put a hand on Violetta’s shoulder. “If you please, Madame Selmak, I am a scientist, an engineer. I am willing to offer you my service if you will allow me and my companions to stay with you.”
Selmak frowned. “There are others?”
“Hi,” said Krosp.
“Dook,” said the wasp eater.
Jolinar bobbed her head. “There is more,” Rosha said. “Agatha bears a device suppressing a second consciousness that was forced into her mind. Its presence is not physical, like the Goa’uld, but from what I have heard, this Lucrezia is very much like the System Lords in her temperament.”
Agatha couldn’t suppress a shudder.
Selmak hummed thoughtfully. “Perhaps we can remove the second consciousness without harming the host.”
“I would be very grateful,” Agatha replied.
“And perhaps the device itself will provide ideas we can adapt for our own use. It is said the Tollan possess technology that forces the Goa’uld to share control with the host. We may be able to use something similar to help hosts we rescue until the Goa’uld can be removed.”
“I would be glad to aid you in this way. I mean, if... if we truly cannot go home, then... well, given what Rosha tells me of the System Lords, I want to do whatever I can to help you stop them. And in turn, I hope to learn a great deal from you.”
Selmak nodded slowly. “Understand, Agatha of Mechanicsburg. If we accept you, you and your companions will not be allowed to leave us.”
“I do understand. And we have nowhere else to go.” Agatha hated the thought of leaving Mechanicsburg to its fate, losing Tarvek, losing Gil... but she could mourn later. There really wasn’t any choice.
Selmak bobbed her head. “Do not be afraid, my child,” said the host kindly. “My name is Saroosh, and I have lived among the Tok’ra almost all my life. They are good people, and I agree with Rosha and Selmak that we can find help for you here.”
Agatha managed a smile. “That is good to hear.”
“Come, then. I am sure the High Council will wish to hear your tale.”
Krosp chuckled. “Somehow I doubt you Tok’ra know much about Heterodyne stories.”
At that, the plots of half a dozen of Agatha’s favorite Heterodyne Boys books flashed through her mind. How many had been true and how many hadn’t, she might never know. But her father and uncle had gotten into more real scrapes even worse than this and somehow come out okay. Uncle Barry had even survived fighting The Other and kept Agatha alive in the process. The Goa’uld might be creepy, as awful as slaver wasps, but she? She was the Heterodyne. Evildoers didn’t have a prayer.
“Let us go write our own, then, shall we?” she asked with a smirk and led the others after Saroosh to the platform with the rings that would take them off on their new adventure.