a man with clay is a powerful weapon
werd im so annoyed right now. firstly, b/c its 1:35 in the morning and i am awake. secondly, because i just finished watching gothika with lauren which in addition to being pseudo-humorous was freaky and now i cant sleep b/c even though it wasnt scary, it was just sick and i keep thinking someones behind me. this leads into thirdly i havent showered yet but im too freaked out to shower. fourthly no ones online to talk to so its really eerie, fifthly, i stumbled onto someones journal recently and it just pissed me off so bad b/c its all "like haha yeah so like totally hung out w/ so and so today and like got new shoes" and then its all "i wish someone would cut my wrists and shoot me" yeah, fuck you ms.perfectlife with your little "no one wants to take me to the mall boohoo" attitude. maybe if one day you woke up missing a leg or something terrible like that the world would feel your pain.*teen angst* wow, people like that should just be shot. not to be killed, just to bleed. well, rage is good for covering fear. maybe after im done venting, i can take a shower with out fear of a fat carl-from-family-matters-esque man waiting for me in my room/secret dungeon. wow, i just read this over and realized no one is going to have any idea what im fucking talking about. lmao. wow, i really wish it was 2:45 instead of 1:45. josh'd dad goes to work at 4:10, so i can go there for the morning hours if i need too. and i really would feel a lot more about the shower/sleep thing if josh (or anyone for that matter, but mainly josh) was here, or i was there. i hate being alone. seriously, if anyones interested in becoming my sleepover buddy from now on, id be much abliged to have you, b/c i can never sleep when i know no one else is near me. im developing a complex. lol. its like a double edged sword..."watch out b/c if you sleep next to me, i might molest you unconciously in my sleep, but i hate being alone so its a risk you'll have to take." damn. i suck at life. i took a nap after i finished my pssa's today. this has become the norm. im acually gonna miss the nap-time period pssa testing supplies. we finish wednesday...damnit. SATS went ok. me and andy vives are gonna break 1200 so we can go to sarah lawerence! but we're taking them again in may just in case. this is gonna be the longest update ive probably ever made because im gonna just keep on writing to kill time so if this is already boring to anyone actually reading, you might want to just skip this one. in other news, everyone worries me so. how things are going for eric, the things josh does on the weekends, adam in general, and the fam. as always w/ custody going on. i hope dad and maryanne are fucking proud. they didnt want to sacrifice their happiness for anyone, so i hope they got what they wanted. i dont think they can possibly be happy. well i hope they arent. they dont deserve to be. i really cant understand it. on a more humourous topic: i have never had a crush on a teacher before. unlike ellen, who i think everyone is well aware of her feelings for mr.thomas. (trechorous love ellen...itll get ya...) but i really think i have a crush on mr. g. and its so weird b/c i have really never been one to like older guys. its also very embarrassing b/c of the vast amounts of retarded freshman and such who all swoon over him daily. i scoffed and disdained them and their girlish crushes. how embarressed am i!? now im doing the same thing. except for unlike all the others, i like him not b/c i think hes cute or whatever, but b/c he has true ability with clay. honest to god. a man with clay is a powerful weapon. im seriously some kind of fucking weirdo. i am turned on by guys who can work with clay. well, at least im not retarded enough to throw myself at the poor man like everyone else. i mean, ew, how gross is that? hes like 24, and has a girlfriend and is a teacher, yet all these little 14 year old girls insist on being all in his grill. he takes it so graciously. (kinda like andy vives...he takes it too) i think ill make a list of things that scare me:
1. dad and maryanne having sex
2. finding a human head in the toilet
3. getting bad SAT scores
4. living and dying alone
5. the thought of people i love in danger
heres a list of things i am not afraid of anymore, but used to be when i was little:
1. jim morrison and the doors music in general
2. david bowie (specifically in labrynth)
3. closets
4. alf
5. the legend of sleepy hollow(not the movie, just the story in general)
and heres a list of things i enjoy:
1. spending time with people i care about
2. certain vocabulary words
3. my probably 5 journals
4. watching people i dont know carry on with everyday life
5. the postal service
its been a pretty weird week/weekend. there were some low points (such as when me and josh had our tiff about his friends, i got a detention even though i had a note, i fell asleep everywhere during weird hours that arent night, and working saturday was a drag.) and some high points (like driving about with adam and swift in the new car, my mom letting me drive the mustang she rented, smoking cloves out on the roof w/ eric and andy and talking about flavored cooters, then my mom listening in and informing theresa she would be vanilla or bubblegum, later asking if we were all on pot, silly mom, drugs arent for kids on roofs, with our luck, wed get high and fall off and people would think it was a mass suicide, kailey, ellen, and sarahs return from fla (as well as everyone else) oh, and watching school of rock. that movie is fucking hillarious. you arent hardcore, unless you live hardcore!)i think ill close out with some lyrics of the postal service, which i am currently painting on my wall. why? because i can.
"Brand New Colony"
i'll be the grapes fermented, bottled and
served with the table set in my finest suit
like a perfect gentleman
i'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the
ancient brick where you will sit and
contemplate your day
i'll be the waterwings that save you if you
start drowning in an open tab when your
judgement's on the brink
i'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
albums back as your lying there drifting off
to sleep...
i'll be the platform shoes and undo what
heredity's done to you: you won't have to
strain to look into my eyes
i'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped
straight to the throat with the collar up so
you won't catch cold
i want to take you far away from the cynics in this
town and kiss you on the mouth
we'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of
this scene, start a brand new colony
where everything will change, we'll give
ourselves new names identities erased
the sun will heat the ground under our bare
feet in this brand new colony
everything will change
1. dad and maryanne having sex
2. finding a human head in the toilet
3. getting bad SAT scores
4. living and dying alone
5. the thought of people i love in danger
heres a list of things i am not afraid of anymore, but used to be when i was little:
1. jim morrison and the doors music in general
2. david bowie (specifically in labrynth)
3. closets
4. alf
5. the legend of sleepy hollow(not the movie, just the story in general)
and heres a list of things i enjoy:
1. spending time with people i care about
2. certain vocabulary words
3. my probably 5 journals
4. watching people i dont know carry on with everyday life
5. the postal service
its been a pretty weird week/weekend. there were some low points (such as when me and josh had our tiff about his friends, i got a detention even though i had a note, i fell asleep everywhere during weird hours that arent night, and working saturday was a drag.) and some high points (like driving about with adam and swift in the new car, my mom letting me drive the mustang she rented, smoking cloves out on the roof w/ eric and andy and talking about flavored cooters, then my mom listening in and informing theresa she would be vanilla or bubblegum, later asking if we were all on pot, silly mom, drugs arent for kids on roofs, with our luck, wed get high and fall off and people would think it was a mass suicide, kailey, ellen, and sarahs return from fla (as well as everyone else) oh, and watching school of rock. that movie is fucking hillarious. you arent hardcore, unless you live hardcore!)i think ill close out with some lyrics of the postal service, which i am currently painting on my wall. why? because i can.
"Brand New Colony"
i'll be the grapes fermented, bottled and
served with the table set in my finest suit
like a perfect gentleman
i'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the
ancient brick where you will sit and
contemplate your day
i'll be the waterwings that save you if you
start drowning in an open tab when your
judgement's on the brink
i'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
albums back as your lying there drifting off
to sleep...
i'll be the platform shoes and undo what
heredity's done to you: you won't have to
strain to look into my eyes
i'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped
straight to the throat with the collar up so
you won't catch cold
i want to take you far away from the cynics in this
town and kiss you on the mouth
we'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of
this scene, start a brand new colony
where everything will change, we'll give
ourselves new names identities erased
the sun will heat the ground under our bare
feet in this brand new colony
everything will change