(no subject)
Tonight has brought me a lot of healing. we have been talking and working out issues and thoughts and feelings and the honesty and openness right now is very good for all of us. There is not a shred of hope right now of us reconciling, but we are talking more than we have in our entire 16 year marriage. He has always been an introverted person, never really letting me see inside him except for a brief time when we were dating. He never shared himself this way, and now it's like he can't shut it off.
I think it has been the best thing for both of us. We were able to talk a little about our future, living seperate lives. We both acknowlege there are going to be many hurdles to cross through the coming days/weeks/years.
We all want to accept the blame, and none of us wants to blame anyone else, so we are already starting off right. We did have our weak moments where our hearts were fighting our logical thinking. I am surprised we have logical thinking at all. It's definitely feeling like it was meant to be. Just as our paths were meant to cross so many years ago, we were meant to split at this exact moment in time. I didn't know we weren't forever. I really thought he was my forever love, but maybe since we found each other so young, we are destined for more than one great love in our lives.
The person I am won't allow me to turn bitter and hate. I have never been able to do that. The confidence I have found in myself won't really allow me to feel too sorry for myself, either. So I have no choice but to move forward with an optimistic view on my life. He has been having a few positive thoughts of setting goals for himself, and wants to improve himself. He WANTS to change. I never asked him to change because I loved him unconditionally, and I know that people don't change unless they have a personal desire to change for themselves (not to make someone else happy.)
I just ran off the tracks with my train of thought... Time for bed.
I think it has been the best thing for both of us. We were able to talk a little about our future, living seperate lives. We both acknowlege there are going to be many hurdles to cross through the coming days/weeks/years.
We all want to accept the blame, and none of us wants to blame anyone else, so we are already starting off right. We did have our weak moments where our hearts were fighting our logical thinking. I am surprised we have logical thinking at all. It's definitely feeling like it was meant to be. Just as our paths were meant to cross so many years ago, we were meant to split at this exact moment in time. I didn't know we weren't forever. I really thought he was my forever love, but maybe since we found each other so young, we are destined for more than one great love in our lives.
The person I am won't allow me to turn bitter and hate. I have never been able to do that. The confidence I have found in myself won't really allow me to feel too sorry for myself, either. So I have no choice but to move forward with an optimistic view on my life. He has been having a few positive thoughts of setting goals for himself, and wants to improve himself. He WANTS to change. I never asked him to change because I loved him unconditionally, and I know that people don't change unless they have a personal desire to change for themselves (not to make someone else happy.)
I just ran off the tracks with my train of thought... Time for bed.